Love is?
by ImOnlyaHuman
Summary: What is the meaning of love? Whether it's the steady heartbeats with those warm, safe and comfortable feeling when you lying next to him. Or when you could almost feel the leap of a heartbeat when you catch him smiling at you even when he hadn't come 10 feet closer to you?. Seblaine, St. Hummel, Kurtbastian!endgame, a little bit not Blaine friendly. Full summary and warning inside.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Hi my dear friends, I know...I know...that I should be working on my WIP story but I have this plot bunny in my head and just begging to come out, and it's distracting me from my other kurtbastian story, so hope you'll like it. It may be a little confusing, I've been letting my hand to just write and sometimes the ideas that come out of them are a little jumbled. I apologize. It should be one shot, but turned out I wrote waaaay much longer than that, so I split this story in four chapters.**

**English is not my native language, deeply apologize for the mistakes, don't have any beta for this one, but if you willing to be my beta, just give me a shot and this all yours so I can re-post this story :)...This story is for fun purpose only and not for taken so seriously, I just hope that you'll find this amusing and enjoyable to read...**

**Summary: Sebastian has been married for over two years, he adores his husband but one accidental meeting with unexpected person has changed his whole vision about that one simple word, and now there's a question that nagging inside his brain. "what is the meaning of love? Whether it's the steady heartbeats with those warm, safe and comfortable feeling when you sitting next to him. Or when you could almost feel the leap of a heartbeat when you catch him smiling at you even when he hadn't come 10 feet closer to you?"**

**Please read the warning guys:**

**Warning:**

**Rated M: because of the cuss words and explicit lemons, this is future!fic AU with load of angst, a story of betrayal and unfaithful relationships, very OOC characters and a little bit canon for background and plot, Bi!Jesse St. James, Doctor!Sebastian. It will moves and changes from one to another POVs, but mainly it's Sebastian's POV.**

**Pairings: Seblaine, St. Hummel with endgame!Kurtbastian.**

**Smut: The smut between Seblaine won't be explicit because... I just can't write Seb with another boys having sex other than Kurt. Deeply apologize guys...St. Hummel and Kurtbastian's smutty time (because I loved Kurt with those snarky bitches).**

Disclaimer: own nothing, all the characters belongs to RIB and quotes are belongs to celebrities, books and movies references.

* * *

_"if you love two people at the same time, choose the second. Because if you really loved the first one, you wouldn't have fallen for the second."  
- Johnny Depp-_

**-Love-**

Love...

Is that the warm feeling when he give you a hug when you come home after one hell of a day at your office?

Or the tingling feeling throughout your body when you catch _his_ beautiful passionate eyes staring at you even _he_ hadn't come 10 feet closer to you.

Is that the time when you feel those steady heartbeats because you feel safe knowing that he was lying next to you in your own bed at night?

Or when you could almost feel the leap of a heartbeat when you see _him_ smiling at you and rose one of his perfect artfully eyebrow in that cute way even from across the room.

Someone said that love is an emotion of a strong affection and personal attachment. Love is also said to be a virtue representing all of human kindness, compassion, and affection.

"The unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another."

But really?

What the true meaning of it?

* * *

**-Question-**

_"You don't marry someone you can live with – you marry the person who you cannot live without."  
– Unknown Author-_

The door clicked when Sebastian coming through the door, a heavy sigh escaped from his lips as he quickly put his bag down, kicked off his shoes and chucked his jacket onto the coat rack, sighed blissfully as he slid into his new room, careful not to wake his sleeping husband. God, he was exhausted. Never in his entire life had he been so happy to be home. It had been one of the longest days Sebastian had since he came as a new doctor in some hospital in town.

A shadow of tall figure entering the room, and a slight movement from his left made Sebastian look over just to find his husband turning over to face him.

"Sebastian? What time is it?" He asked softly as hazel eyes opened slightly to look up at him.

He loosened his tie and walked towards the bed before came to sit beside his husband, taking him into his arms and pressing his lips to Blaine's forehead. Sebastian checked the black rectangle device on their bedside table, "almost midnight."

His husband maneuvered himself closer to Sebastian's, without another word he got up and grabbed him, snuggling into the young doctor's neck as he felt strong arms encircle his waist, pulling him in tightly.

"You're late, Sebastian. Not even me can get you away from your work, huh?" Blaine mumbled to Sebastian's neck.

"I was busy, go back to sleep, Blaine."

"I can't, you woke me up, beside I miss you so much." Blaine's words came out from his mouth and its nothing but purring.

"Blaine, I-" Sebastian sighed, when he felt a tight pressures against his ear down to his jawline, just for once he hoped his husband would look at the bags under his lids and the fact he was staring with half-closed lids because damn he was so tired as he tried to push his husband's body off with no result as he won't budged at all.

"Make love to me Sebastian." Blaine said huskily, pushed him lightly on the bed and started pressing kisses down Sebastian's neck to his collarbone, up again before finally landing on his lips where he begging for entrance.

"No, Blaine. Not tonight, I'm so tired."

"Please baby. I really want to."

He turned to him. He looked at him with his big puppy hazel eyes, begging for some sex. He sighed as he ran his fingers trough his hair. And suddenly Blaine's fingers was all over him, fumbled with his clothing, made the simple fabric sliding off his shoulders. He didn't give him a chance to move because then his lips pressed full onto his, forcing a response from him, and before he realized what was happening, Blaine had yanked off his trouser and boxers.

"Blaine." Sebastian sighed, hesitated. He pulled away and lay down his head back to the pillow.

"Please Seb, make love to me." Blaine pushed.

And Sebastian lost all control at his words. He locked his eyes with his husband's eyes, and his instinct took over as he began to kiss him, his strong hands cradled his face, neck, trailed down his body. Fingers all over their bodies, sweat mixed as the heat of the two solid bodies mingled into one. A moment later a soft click from bottle of lube being opened can be heard among the heavy panting, the smaller man smiled reassuringly as he arched his hips up slightly to meet Sebastian's touch. His husband smiled and added a finger, slid them slowly, in and out.

Sebastian pleasured his husband with his long fingers as Blaine cried out his name, muffled by passionate kiss before he positioned himself and slowly pushed in, Sebastian Smythe thrusts against his husband, deep and slowly as they..._making love?_

And again Sebastian questioning himself of what the true meaning of it?

As he closed his eyes, _blue-green-grey orbs, a shade darker with lust bore into his soul..._

"Faster, Seb." Blaine moaned as Sebastian moves faster.

_Full pink lips kissing him with passion._

_He would clawed at his shoulder and he would let out a soft gasps at the feeling of those perfect manicured fingernails digging into his shoulder blade, leaving an angry scratch marks over his light tanned skin while those long smooth slender legs wrap tightly around his waist as he would try to keep up with his quick and sharp thrusts. Never in his life he had a lover that could satisfy him the way he did. The way he touched and kissed him, the way his slender tanned fingers roaming against his silk porcelain colored skin. The way he looked at him while he 'made love' to him, pushing Sebastian farther and farther to the edge. His darkened multicolour eyes blown with lust and desire bore into his own._

Sebastian rocked against his body as he thrusts into his husband with a slow rhythms, closed his eyes just so he can concentrate on this intimacy, whispering each other names as they reached their climax.

"Made love." He whispered more to himself, pulled the cover over their exhausted bodies and shut off the lamp on his bedside table.

"Night, I Love you baby." a sleepy murmured escaped from Blaine's lips.

Yet that's the word again...love?

"Night, Blaine."

* * *

**-Balance-**

_"Hearts will never be practical until they are made unbreakable."  
– Wizard of Oz-_

The way autumn air blew a cold gentle breeze against his face and skin, it always never fails to make him smiles. His bright green eyes would catch the journey of the leaves turned into beautifully reds, yellows and golds before fell from the trees and the wind would pick up slightly, taking a few crisp in a swirling, dizzying pattern.

The seventeen year old Sebastian Smythe sat in one of the benches on the Dalton hallway, sighed as his mind wondered to the Saturday evening event, a moment when he felt like the time has stopped, a moment when his father had called him and his sister to come home for family dinner. A family? For once he thought that maybe their parents had realized what the true meaning of it and act for it, for once he thought that the family dinner would be like a normal family dinner, you know...when fathers asks their kids how's school, give some lecture about 'stay away from drugs and free sex' or I will ground you till you turned sixty...

But no, his parents called them just to make them sit trough all the bullshit they put on their faces, said that they had all grown up...that they're not kids anymore...so they have to understand about the decision.

They said that their way is not the way they used to be...that their hearts had not felt the way they used to feel...that they need to take a separate way...a divorce...

Understand the decision...a decision of what? A decision to chose to not love each other anymore?

Sometime kids always shouts to their parents about how they're not kids anymore and have grown up, that they should be understand...

But in that moment Sebastian hated the words 'grown up' and wished that maybe being a kids is not that bad after all, because when you're a kids...the one who should be understand about 'thing' is the parents, not the way around.

It was the first time Sebastian think about the true meaning of love?

It was the third week of the autumn on their final year in high school when the first time Sebastian saw him again. A handsome young man who'd been a star at Dalton and sing like a dream.

"Blaine? What are you doing in here?."

"I'm back, now please just leave me alone Sebastian."

He was so lost when Sebastian found him back at Dalton, his used to be bright hazel eyes was so empty...not caring...soulless, it almost like...dead.

It was when he found out that his broken relationship with the ice queen Hummel. A relationship that had been so sweet that he got a cavities, a sickening one that needed all his willpower to not just throw up every times he saw that lovey dovey couple.

And again there's the word...love.

You see, the first time Sebastian heard about Blaine is also the first time he heard about 'Klaine' as Jeff and Nick called them. A fairytales story about how a perfect faith has brought them into that staircase at Dalton, how faith has made Kurt stop one of particular student among all the blue red blazers sea.

How faith has brought them into friendship before bloomed into...again...love...and then came the relationship...boyfriends...exclusives...or whatever they want to call it.

Someone said that relationship is also commitment, a path when you chose to be monogamous and faithful with each other. Some fucking hard task for the one Sebastian Smythe, that's why he never want to have a relationship yet a monogamous one.

However when Blaine decided to come back to Dalton from McKinley for the rest of his senior year, soon he learned that 'the Klaine' he knew has been broken, shattered into pieces because Blaine had been cheated, some random hook up because he was lonely, miserable and had a shitload of self pity because his boyfriend had moved to New York to pursue his dream.

Odd isn't it?

Because what he has heard that you would know it's love when all you want is that person to be happy, even if you're not part of their happiness.

That the strength of it would bond you even from across the sea.

If what all the people always said is true...then shouldn't be no such a thing as cheating, break up or divorce, right?

And as weird as it sound, but how Blaine had lost his faith over the love he'd believed once; how he blaming all the lonely feeling and the insecurities that had kicked him on the gut had brought him to that stupid mistake and has made his chance with his true love ruined, and how Sebastian who never want to believe such a thing will said that it was all bullshit, that there's no such a thing, (maybe you can call him a jackass but because of his simple mind, he knew that if there such a thing called true love then shouldn't be no such a room for mistakes and yet some random hook-ups, right?) but again, that is the thing that had brought them into newly found friendship. How they will talk about all the thing they once believe have made them argue for hours. Their friends will only rolled their eyes, and after months, argument began to turn into light conversation about hobbies and anything, and they didn't know when exactly the first time people started to calling them best friends.

Year after year had passed as they graduated from high school and moved to New York, sharing a small apartment as Blaine got to Tisch and Sebastian wound up at Med School, the newly friendship they'd build since high school turned into something new...now, there is no Blaine without Sebastian and vice versa, they had complete each other.

The first time they slept with each other is when he finally got his degree on Med School, it was a drunken mistake when their friends threw a mini party on the local bar near their apartment, they even hardly remember what had happened after the party, all they knew is that they was awoke limbs tangled against each other...naked. But neither of them have dared to brought that up, ever.

The second one has happened without alcohol involved, a couple of weeks after Sebastian kicked Blaine's new boyfriend for being a jerk, talking about irony...

And after that everything passed like a blur, how they will sit next to each other more than just close, simple morning greetings turned into morning kisses, now Sebastian just can't imagine his life without Blaine in it, for the first time in his life that he felt secure, safe and...stable.

And then there was a marriage.

Nothing that everyone would dreamed of, there's nothing like bend one of your knee to wooing your future mate in the middle of the park with people watching and clapping their hands in amazement.

No, it wasn't like that at all.

The decision was made by both of them, in one of their usual dinner on their apartment, in the middle of sipping a red wine, it was when Sebastian said that Gina, his co-worker will getting married to one of her best friend before suddenly...

"Do you ever think to settle one day and get your own family?" Blaine asked.

"Sometimes." Sebastian answered truthfully.

"Did you ever think to marry someone?"

"Like who?"

"I don't know. Me?"

"Do you?"

"Um-I- I guess so."

"Then let's get married." Sebastian answered without hesitation, because that's what it's supposed to happen at the end when someone has become inseparable since high school and have been an item for over a year, right?

So in the weekend, the first thing they do is to take their times to call their families and look for some ring.

* * *

**-Awakening-**

_"The best love is the kind that awakens the soul; that makes us reach for more, that plants the fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds. That's what I hope to give you forever."  
– The Notebook-_

You see the world doesn't work like a perfect chick-flick movies, always started with unperfect human being who's falling in love with their perfect prince/princess before one of them slipped and made some stupid mistakes, realize it before it was too late, then came apology with teary eyes, ended by a make up sex and then...viola...happily aver after.

It always going the way you dream it.

Instead, it works like a box office thriller movies. Always giving you false informations, always made a stupid decision by running upstairs when you should just go to the fucking front door, and always keep you second guessing to no end, always.

You will never guess how the story will end.

Sebastian has never liked being alone, how those empty feeling always haunting at his heart, and that doesn't just pertain to the night when he stay late in the hospital, even when he was still in high school he was always trying to find some crowd, and gay clubs always be his first choice and sure, getting with random hook ups can be entertaining on some nights, but others…it just feels empty.

And now, he has Blaine.

Someone who has been his best friend since high school, and his husband for over two years.

Blaine loved him – he felt throughout his body and all trough his veins. And he loves him too (albeit his endless searching of the true meaning of it), he knew that he really do loved his husband...

But from what he heard from his sappy friends about their versions of love, or from those crappy books...the love he had...

_It felt different..._

He shouldn't be thinking too much about it though, because Sebastian Smythe never believed of what people call as love...it was all bullshit!

It wasn't the same as those people always say.

_It wasn't passionate._

_It wasn't encompassing._

_It doesn't thrilling._

_It doesn't make your heart beat faster every time you looked at him in the eyes._

_It wasn't magical._

Yet...

_It was warm._

_It was safe._

_It was secure._

_It was stable._

_It was comfortable._

It should be enough...right? Because so far all of that is the feeling of 'what he recognize' as love.

The strange is, these days he felt that it was never be enough...

He wanted more. Oh God know how he needed more...

Of what? He himself didn't really understand.

But the first time he felt a 'spark' again in over fourteen years...was on Monday.

* * *

-ksksks-

The ivory skinned man tapped his long slender fingers on the armchair in the waiting room, nervous about his doctor's appointment. Thanks to the combination of his fast moving models and unstable backstage stairs now he has to sit on an uncomfortable chair and God, he hated uncomfortable chairs.

He flexed his right ankle lightly, winched a little when he felt a slight of pain, but pleased enough that at least he can try to move his ankle now. The cast had been removed two weeks ago, and x-rays had shown the break to his right ankle is healing nicely. He just need to complete his physiotherapy appointments.

"Kurt Hummel?"

The middle-aged nurse searching for him through her broad-rimmed eyeglasses with kind black eyes. Jet black hair, swept up on the top of her head in a neat bun was standing in front of an open door directly across the room. He shuffled again, before got up and nervously walked through the door into the main office.

"The doctor will be in shortly." The nurse smiled at the nervous man as she took his temperature, and asked him the typical pre-examination questions

"Believe me it will helps if Dr. Spencer is in Japan or something and there's a handsome doctor who can handle me right now, at least I can look at his face when I'm in pain." Kurt mumbled in annoyance.

"Well sweetheart you may be lucky, because he's in LA to attend some conference right now, and there's a new doctor and boy, he has a fine ass I tell you." Causing both of them giggle, before a glimpse of tall man emerged from behind the white curtain.

"There he is." The nurse whispered and gave him a wink.

And Gaga the man was truly gorgeous. Tall and lean, wearing a white coat over his broad shoulder, light tanned skin, black thick rimmed eyeglasses covering a bright emerald green eyes, a dark coiffed brown..._CW hair? _Standing in the door way. Chart in hand, stethoscope around his neck, a smirk that seemed to be a permitted plastered on his lips staring back at him.

"What the hell? wait, I know goddamn well that smirk bel- is that? Sebastian Smythe? not in the world I ever thought that I will see your annoying Meerkat face again." The patient exclaimed, blue bright eyes wide with surprise, "how it possible that a criminal chipmunk can be a doctor?"

"Well hot damn. What a lucky day, never cross in mind that I will have Old Betty White in my room? I should know the moment I entered this room, that this strange smell is came from one of your collections of Britney Spears perfumes," the handsome doctor chuckled, "and in case you don't know... it's called a brain."

"Funny, never thought you have one, and my perfume is nothing than your Craigslist fragrance of course, and a doctor, really?" Kurt rose an eyebrow.

The smirk fixture on the doctor's lips grew wider, "yeah well, many things have changed in this world. Well, beside your _'gay face' _of course."

There a silence for a moment while the nurse running her eyes from left to the right, worry clearly riding her glances as their banter has stopped before the doctor and his patient began to laugh, an amusement clearly plastered on her confused face.

* * *

- ksksks-

A buzz from his speaker phone went off, signaling that his secretary need to talk to him about something, pushed the button the handsome male asks "speak?"

"He's here." Jenna, his secretary answered from another line.

And a soft knock on his office door made a handsome man with a black suits glanced from his papers, smiling when he heard a beautiful voice asked for his permission to come in.

"Come in." He said warmly.

"You will never guess who the doctors who've checked me earlier?" Kurt burst out the moment he entered the office and closed the door behind his back.

"Who, Matt Smith." The man answered calmly, stifling through papers on his desk without even bothering to looked at the person he's talking to.

Kurt smiled sweetly "why no darling, it's Dr. Dre," he said sweetly with fake thick British accent before sent the man his famous queen bitch glare. "But no, it was someone who has the ability to annoy me to no end and never in my life I thought that I can talk face to face in civiled way possible without clawing my perfectly manicured fingernails trough that annoying face," continued when he saw the questioning gaze the older man sent him, "and no, unfortunately there's someone beside Rachel and you who can do those thing too." Kurt said again playfully.

"Why thank you Hummel, it was a great relief." The man chuckled, "And may I know who's this outstanding person? Maybe we should call him and go hang out sometime."

"Sebastian Smythe."

"Sebas- wait, is that the guy with Jimmy Neutron's hair style? the one who'd been trying to steal your-um, as Rachel said and I'm quotes 'a talented singer from Dalton all though not as talented as me' boyfriend on high school? Tha-"

Rolling his eyes, Kurt scoffed "ex-boyfriend."

The handsome man continues, ignoring Kurt completely, "the one who also had thrown a slushie and almost made Mr. James Bond can't do anymore missions and use an eye patch?"

Kurt shook his head as he giggled a little, "James Bond and Jimmy Neutron? What a creative mind. And yes, That Sebastian Smythe. And since you mentioned that, maybe you should call Rachel too and create some Terrible Trio or something."

"Why are you referring yourself as a Batman, Mr. Hummel? Because let me tell you something, tight spandex with black color will make your ass look like heaven," held one of his finger up when Kurt about to cut his words,"but a bat wouldn't be your_ 'thing_', those bat cape will do no good, it'll just covering your fabulous ass, as I personally thought that you as a cat person,"

"What? A catwoman? Fuck you." Kurt giggled as he took step closer.

"I'd prefer the way around but for you, just tell me when and where, darling. Just tell me when and where."

Rolled his eyes, "seriously?" He asked with sarcasm driving in his tone, "I don't know about you but I'm starving. Now, do you want to join me for late lunch or no?" Kurt asked as he took a seat on the desk.

"Are you just asked me out, Hummel?" the man asked seductively and nothing but purred as he pushed Kurt's tights open so he can pushed his chair closer and slipped between his legs, let his arms running up and down Kurt's legs, dangerously close to his crotch.

Sometime in the silent of the night Kurt Hummel would laugh to himself, never stop being amazed about how life had brought him to the life he has right now. If fifteen years ago someone said that Kurt Hummel will sit lips inches apart in a room with the most Pretentious; smug and cocky bastard; condescending; egotistical; ignorant; consistently asshole; very bluntly and irritating man in the world without let his nails rakes trough his face, he will laugh in the front of their faces before bitch slap them to Mars without even batting his eyelashes.

Because you see, since he were young Kurt Hummel always knew exactly what he wanted to do with his life. He got his whole life planned out, wanted to graduate high school and leave that hell hole to get into some prestige university, become a star and success on broadway under thirty before finally settle down and start a family with his high school sweetheart. Yes, life should be perfect.

But you would never know how the world works against your will. Because slowly things didn't go the way you always thought they would. All of your dream, your world, that was built to last, was falling apart right before your very own eyes. Started with being rejected by NYADA till being cheated by your supposed to be the love of your life, one thing he had learned about life so far.._.it's a bitch_. Lived in New York with his best friend Rachel with no destination and a broken heart while she won't stop rambling about how busy her classes in NYADA was and has a new future ahead with her new boyfriend had made his life perfect.

Determined to change his pathetic life he turned his life destinations completely, Broadway star to designer, NYADA to Parsons. And that's how the life had brought him to this point right now, busting his fabulous ass, he finally graduated at the top of his class, got internship in one of the most famous brand in Paris before braced himself to open his own brand, with every single breaths and blood tears of his hard work over those hell hard years, Kurt Hummel finally known as a young bright designer, and 'KH' has become one of the most valuable brand in the world.

But no one's is perfect, in that perfect life the one Kurt Hummel never found a new love, tried his best to turned his head over that matter he drown himself at his office, for him careers seemed to be the most important thing now, turned to be a man with a cold heart and has a sharp tongue has brought him over the top, he had seen Paris and of course, Milan, but for him, his heart always stays in his lovely city. A busy and hustling city, so six years ago the new Kurt Hummel had decided it was his time to move again to New York.

And New York is a town with full of surprises, in one morning when grey clouds rolled in, covering the once clear blue skies as the aroma of freshly brewed coffee just felt amazing, the beautiful designer sat in one of his favorite spot in the small coffee shop in town, and it was quiet enough for him to do some sketch for his collections, his fingers curl around the steaming mug as the raindrops start pouring into the earth, it was when he was in the middle of drawing some sketch when he heard a voice.

_"Why if isn't Kurt 'pasty faced ghost boy' Hummel?"_

He looked up and saw that the Lucifer himself has decided to crawled from his lair in hell to stormed in some small coffee shop and staring down at him.

_"...Jesse St. James."_

And the snow ball rolled downhill from there, started with unplanned encounter on 'what he assumed as' his unlucky day till it became their regular coffee meetings, old enemies sit face to face in a small coffee shop can be quite interesting. Because you see, with the one Jesse St. James there is no need to pretend, to act nice with forced sweet smile, because Jesse is a man whose personality can make a priest turned Van Helsing on him and stake the man on the heart (if he has one) after five minutes you stuck in the same room with him, has shitload of killer words that can make some new kids on the block cried some blood tears before die with self pity, but Kurt Hummel ain't just a new kids, and call him a masochist but got caught in some debauchery with the devil himself has brightened his new days at NYC.

With Jesse, at least Kurt has found his equal match.

Months have passed as their friendship seemed to bring something new for both of them. Coffee turned to movies and came the dinners and dinners led them to their apartments.

_They weren't dating._

_They weren't boyfriends._

_Hell, they not even friends._

Snarky comments always thrown against each other faces, until one night they found themselves out of words and just wanting more than just to talk. Got caught up in the moment, staring at each other with no word before suddenly lips crashed against lips, one thing led to another; hands everywhere, fumbling around with buttons, and in seconds later their clothes was shattered around the floor, and ended by Jesse's dick buried deep in Kurt's ass.

They never talk about that in the next morning, just starting their usual activity like something never happened, but after they spent the night together, they seems to have a silent agreement, whenever either of them is in need of a release, they will make excuses to get out of what they're doing at that time and meet up for some sex.

They just friends with benefits. No strings attached. They're not even a friends, just two...frenemies who frequently get together to have sex. There's absolutely no commitment involved. Hell, Kurt never thought that Jesse is a matter of fact a gay, a bi, or whatever Santana use to called that as a Kurtcurious...no, because he never asked...nor cared.

_They just KurtandJesse._

* * *

** -The journey-**

_"Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you I had no control over."  
- Anonymous-_

Kurt Hummel.

Before his name being plastered in one of his patient files on his desk for over two months ago, it was just a name for Sebastian, a man whose name can bring a different memories to the handsome doctor.

To say that Blaine's face was surprised when the first time Sebastian came with unexpected guest to their apartment would be an understatement. His face was mixed between pure shocked and disbelief the moment Sebastian unlocked their apartment's door and announced that someone would join their dinner.

Turned that it was not as awkward as Sebastian thought it would be, shocked face turned to the most widest smile Sebastian had ever seen on Blaine's face in over fourteen years on their togetherness, glassy eyes before tears rolled down their cheeks as those ex- 'long time no see' boyfriends hug each other's bodies tightly.

It's turned to be a very nice dinner actually, catching up for almost fourteen years of their lost contact life, to Sebastian's surprise Kurt didn't seem shocked in the slightest for their marriage, said that he's not the same person they used to know anymore, life had taught him a lessons in the hardest way, that life is not a fairytales stories he used to believe once, and he knew that life will always full of surprises, and for over those years he finally had learned that life is a matter of fact is a wondrous bitch, is unpredictable and nothing can make him surprised anymore.

Life indeed has changed a lot for them, especially for the one Kurt Hummel. Those years really has changed Kurt a lot, he's no longer a kid, a gay kid from small town in Ohio. A Lima looser who've been suffered for being bullied, being thrown into dumpsters, shoved around for locker checks, an angry kid for being rejected for any solos or NYADA, or a dreamer who believe that life is a fairytales story and everything will go with plans and finally live happily ever after. No, this Kurt Hummel in front of him now is all grown up man, Sebastian can see how those hard years has made him more mature, more tough and unbreakable. Of course he has heard about who he has become now, a young designer whose brand has become one of the most known brand in the world, rich at thirty and has bright career with bright future.

But there's something that he always remember about the young Kurt Hummel, that he is a kid whose attitude can make young Sebastian rolled his eyes and scoffed in annoyance. Because Hummel only can be interpreted as irritating; snarky; bitchy; self-important thing; has that annoying voice that was too high that sounds like a girls, whose clothes was being picked from women sections and has made his nerve screams every time he saw him even from across the room, a memory of a guy who loathed him with every single breaths that got trough his lungs for his attempted to steal his boyfriend.

But also a memory of the only man who has made Sebastian sleep pass after midnight just because his heart wouldn't even try to calm even just for one second, it always beat one time faster and it will full of anticipation for every possibilities of what can happens the next day, has made his brain think twice harder for thinking some kicked ass comments if they caught in some debauchery, has made the young Sebastian feel giddy and excited for waiting the time of when or where the next meeting would be.

It was a very good memories, indeed.

But one thing that people should know, that he never felt weird around Kurt Hummel...well until now. Because one thing that he seemed to forget, that he couldn't remember how beautiful Kurt was.

Sebastian thought he was beautiful from the moment he saw him again, keep wondering how come that a man can be categorized as beautiful, but he didn't think of them ever becoming something, or ever going anywhere. But now what do you do when you find yourself watching another man's face while he speaks?

That is the question that nagging on his brain lately, and something deep inside his heart that keep scratching like a plague, damn he felt so heavy inside, as time passed he was more and more drawn into some zone he didn't recognize. Because after weeks of meeting appointments things started to changed. Kurt's smile started to make Sebastian feel something inside, the casual touches started to make his heart race in a way it never had. He couldn't deny that he had a thing for him, it doesn't matter that if he doesn't know what it is, he just kind of feel it, it was dangerous he can tell, though he tried like hell to fight it.

He knows that Kurt really has good sense of humor, and they would laugh at his jokes. They will chat for hours if they had some break to just go lunch or just for coffee, he quite enjoy it, he couldn't help it. Because talking with Kurt Hummel is always been interesting, it's just the way he'd always been.

But something strange happen lately, he couldn't help but eye one man from across the room, smiling as his patient spoke to the nurse when they at the hospital to attend one of their physiotherapy appointments or when he was telling Blaine some story in their apartment. There was just something about him that Sebastian was drawn to, something inside of him that actually made Sebastian want to stare, want to speak, want to touch...just want him, all of him. As time passed, it became more and more impossible to ignore.

And now he can remember vividly about a memory of a man whose skin can make all the girls glared at him just because they're jealous.

Well, they should be, because it's so pale that almost translucent and it looks paper thin. Sebastian almost can see the blood invading every single veins in his body up to his neck and cheek when he was blushing. He can see it clearly when he standing in front of him. He was staring really when he shouldn't be. He knew that he should be paying attention to his patient talking about his progression, and not the blushing cheeks.

But it just keeps going like an alarm clock. And that goddamn lips is so full. Did he wore some lipstick now or what? Because man, it was so lickable and smooth with light candy pink color, seems smooth enough to caress with his hand. Not to mention when the owner licked that lips. So sweet to kiss down..._Shit!_

Sebastian shoved that thought aside immediately. An erection would not solve any problems; it would, however, create one, so he forcefully emptied his mind and focused on his patient.

Their session is over, and Sebastian found out that he in a matter a fact still staring. Only now his patient's staring back at him, asking if he's alright. How are he supposed to answer to that?

How in world do you tell your patient that apparently your doctor currently wondering what it would feel like to kiss and suck on his patient's neck to leave some mark in those white porcelain colored skin?

Sebastian cleared his throat, nods, saying that he's fine and stand as if nothing has happened. Ducked his head and began to write _'something'_ on his chart, because how he supposed to do, he doesn't know any better. He can't tell that he has just fallen in some naughty daydream about his patient, which he was sure as hell that if he let that for just one second longer maybe he will get the most humiliating experience in his entire life as a doctor by having a massive boner under his white coat.

Sebastian took a deep breath when Kurt passed him and Sebastian instantly closed his eyes and let his gentle, fruity scent of his expensive perfume fill his nostrils. Without his consent he hold that breath in as deep as he can, causing his heart to skip a beat before he release it. And he swear to God that he still have no idea of why his brain suddenly freezes.

"What?"

"What, what?" Sebastian asked the moment he opened his eyes and saw that Kurt was staring at him. Their eyes met for a brief moment and he felt a bolt of electricity flow through his body. Was it possible for someone to feel something like that over some eye contact? Sebastian held Kurt's gaze before clearing his throat and turning away.

"That!" Kurt rose his eyebrow.

Sebastian shrugged his shoulder, "that what?"

"You're smelling me?"

"No I didn't. You're the one who's staring at me, I know that I kinda smokin hot Hummel, so I don't blame you." Sebastian let a nervous chuckle as he try to hide his discomfort about the topic.

"Uh-huh, whatever doc, are we finish yet?" Kurt smirked.

The young doctor turned his body, eyes darting everywhere, still refuses to look at his patient, "yeah, we're done here."

"So do you have some free period?"

"Why?" Sebastian finally tilted his head, saw that bright glasz eyes staring at him intensely.

"Um- I was wondering, since I don't have any schedule after this, how about we get some lunch, I'm starving."

Gulped hard before he spoke, "I have one more patient after this, if you want to wait then after that I'm all yours."

Kurt smiled as he opened the door, turned his body around before he spoke, "mine, huh?" He asked playfully as he rose one of his eyebrow.

"I mean, um-" Sebastian gaped, getting caught off guard with the question.

"Relax, I know what you meant doc," Kurt let a small beautiful giggle out, "although I won't complaint if I have one smokin hot doctor to myself either." He whispered as he step out the room and closed the door behind.

* * *

**tbc...**

**AN: hope you all like it and worth to continue...three more chapters to go...thank you so much for reading...reviews are highly appreciated...lots of love for you my reader friends :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Hi guys, sorry for late update, got a cold and wrapped under my blanket for couple of days, and when I felt better...suddenly browsers on my iPad refused to logging on...keep getting an SSL errors so I can't open my own account on this site! these couple of weeks is really pisses me off...*deep sigh* anyway, never thought that this story will got you guys interested, sooo happy to see that you all like it! Thank you so much for the reviews, alerts and favorite! You guys are the best!**

**Warning: explicit St. Hummel and Kurtbastian's smutty times. Bareback and rough sex for St. Hummel at the end. Yes, all in one chapter :), slightly not Blaine friendly on this chapter.**

Disclaimer: own nothing, all the characters belongs to RIB and quotes are belongs to celebrities, books and movies references.

* * *

**-Green eyed monster-**

_"He that is not jealous is not in love."  
–St. Augustine-_

Sebastian would like to think he is a calm, level-headed man. He had never understood the meaning of jealousy.

Jealousy?

What is it anyway?

Someone said that jealousy is an emotion and typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that the person values.

Is it?

Other than Love, never in his life that Sebastian thought that he would understand the meaning of that word.

But again, from those crappy books he had read once, he knew that jealousy can be seen in several signs;

_Firstly, the very first sign of jealousy would be...Anger._

It has only been three weeks since the first time Kurt and that St. Jackass had been in their apartment for one of so many Sebastian and Blaine's dinner invitations. If he can be honest, it actually had took Blaine and of course him by surprise when Kurt has decided to take that guy as his date that night. When they asked him if he was seeing someone special these days and are very welcome to bring his partner as his date sometimes to their apartment, the famous designer only shrugged and said that his love life was boring as hell and nothing special in it as an answer.

And by boring, Sebastian soon learned that by having the famous Jesse St. James in their living room was nothing special for the one Mr. Kurt Hummel. Because seriously, who doesn't know about the famous music producer; music composer; singer/song writer in the US, and a very top one too. Where not even the most famous celebrity would dare to make a mess with him or even to walk up to his party without any single nod of approval from Jesse St. James himself. If they did, they were asking a death wish.

But to Sebastian's dismay this Jesse really annoy him to no end, and of course the feeling is mutual. Apparently neither of them willing to hold their egos as Sebastian and Jesse will fought constantly over every little things (made Blaine and Kurt to roll their eyes), so at the end Kurt had to pull Jesse away before they could do any real damage, much to Jesse's annoyance.

Jesse St. James.

Why that name has left a very deep impression in Sebastian's heart, some weird feeling that keep scratching and has made his heart more and more heavier every times he remember that name. It was a weird feeling, because honestly he had no reason to feel that, but he can't help it, as weird as it is Sebastian Smythe knew that he loathed Jesse St. James with all his heart and soul from the first time he saw that man on his apartment door.

And all of that gets worse when he saw that smart ass hyena has decided to drop his ass on the couch next to that Betty White, and then praised him by saying that he was very gorgeous that night (not that Sebastian would argue with that praise), but what makes him more annoyed is when Kurt's pale cheeks had been burned by delicate pinks and had to turned his head to hide his blush.

There's something evil inside his heart. The whole thing was troublesome! He can tell. Because how had that small, almost insignificant interaction between Kurt and that smart ass, has made his stomach drop a little?

_Secondly, Possessiveness._

It was not even normal feeling. No, after that night he would get upset over silly things, such as how when his patient smiles at a male nurse in charge would make the young doctor had a very bad mood all fucking day long, and all of it will get worse when he knew that Kurt would prefer to spend time having lunch with that celebrity brat rather than spend it with him, and other small very silly things.

He hadn't admitted it to himself until recently. For some time he'd been a patient, some old...he doesn't know, what frenemies? but somewhere along the way, Sebastian had begun to see him as something more. He couldn't tell when things had changed. All he knew was that Kurt Hummel was the only man he'd ever felt this way about.

And this night he need to go trough all of that shitty feeling all over again, because apparently Kurt's in the mood to annoy him by bringing that ass to their apartment for dinner.

This gonna be a long night, Sebastian can tell.

And God, that guy really had such an ego going on with him. What was even more annoying was he seriously thought that he can attract and would hit any guys with his charms (Sebastian has to scoffed at that), and it seemed that his husband and Kurt was clearly no exception, saying that he was one of Blaine's fans, have seen all his movies and claimed that his husband is one of the most brilliant actors and has bright future ahead and maybe will get his chance to win some Oscars in the future (causing Sebastian clenched his jaw tight and roll his eyes in annoyance) with some (in Sebastian's opinion) the most theatrical fake smile he'd ever seen, practically made his husband blushed before giving him the most widest brightest eyes with full of adoration in those bright hazel eyes...all fucking night long.

Most of the times he will ignored the idle chitchat that Jesse kept going around the table, wanting nothing more than to leave, but knowing that Blaine would never allow that. Until Jesse throw some (again in Sebastian's opinion) one of his lame jokes, rolled his eyes as he saw Kurt's eyes landed on that cocky hyena and smile which turned into an almost childlike, beautiful giggle. Made the young producer's smile grew wider, his smugness deepening to the fact that he was the one who put that beautiful smile on Kurt's face before then put his hand on Kurt's shoulder to brush something away.

_Uh-huh, yeah right_, Sebastian thought bitterly to himself, as if he had something there. It was just the most pathetic excuse to touch him, and to see Kurt so apparently comfortable with another man was troubling him almost more than Mr. Leonard (one of his homophobic patient, so that means something), because Sebastian felt his stomach drop rather suddenly as he pinched the bridge of his nose and breathed deeply, trying to subdue the devil that wanted nothing more than to burst out and strangle him, just want to call him out and duel had very nearly overwhelmed him, driving Sebastian to insanity and thoughts of murder. Seriously, that ass was the one making Kurt's face blushing with that adorable pink color, as if he didn't have nothing better to do than to be here, hang out with some designer, an actor and a doctor? Should he be at his office, glued till the roots of his ass in front of his laptop; opening some YouTube videos to find some new magnificent talents and do his holy missions to make them famous like that Bieber kid or whatever?

Sebastian huffed at the outrage, he must shook his head and calmed his breaths, divert his gaze from two other men and try to focus on Blaine's rumbling about something like his next movie project. Why he's been so worked up with that? even he and his incredible brilliant brain couldn't think of something that make he can hide the sheer look of dislike and disgust he shot St. James?

And as if it wasn't enough, that the very same hand moved from Kurt's shoulder to caresses his cheek with featherly brush, and that is when Sebastian suddenly stands up, turned on his heels, and stalked out. Leaving Blaine and Jesse who seems not noticing it in the slightest, too caught up in whatever the fuck they're talking about, but for Kurt it was nothing more than shock and surprise. Sebastian left the room in a rush, just barely making it to the bathroom before he was violently ill. He stayed in the bathroom for some time.

"Fuck." He grunted, resting his head on the cold tile floor.

"Bas?" Some beautiful voice pull him out from his reverie, a soft knock can be heard not long after, "are you okay in there?"

Sebastian sighed as he splashed some cold water into his face, looked at the mirror and ran his hand trough his hair, his last attempt to -at least make his face a little more decent- before he opened the door, and there he was, standing with concern plastered on his beautiful face.

"Are you okay?" Kurt asked softly.

"Yeah, why I wouldn't be?"

"I don't know, you look like ready to commit a murder." He stole a glance at Sebastian, "did Jesse annoy you so much? I'm sorry, I shouldn't have brought him here, he can be a dickhead sometime, well not sometime but most of the time," Kurt chuckled, but shut his mouth again when he saw Sebastian only flicked his tongue to the side, staring at him intensely with unreadable glint on his now one shade darker green eyes.

_Third, Accusations_.

"Do you really dating that asshole?" Sebastian suddenly asked.

"What? No. We just friends, beside he's not that bad, we hang out sometimes and yes he might be a dick, but he's one of my friend Bas,"

"A friend really? A kind of friend who caressed his friend's cheek in front everybody in casual gesture like that, huh?" Even as the words left his mouth, he knew that he sounded very immature and childish. But at this moment, he really couldn't fucking care less.

"What? It was nothing, I bet that Jesse didn't even realize that be-, wait a moment, why you even asked me that? And why I need to explain that to you ? Is not even your business."

"He's an asshole." Sebastian snapped stubbornly. He could not help it, really. No matter how hard he tried to control that hateful emotion, it never worked.

Kurt shook his head in disbelief, "um-okay then, I'm sorry, I don't know what he've done to you till you act like this, but for his behalf I apologize, I don't want to annoy you much further so I will go now, so you and Blaine can take a rest, and I-"

It was then Sebastian suddenly kiss him.

Kurt was stunned at first, but very soon began reciprocating the kiss. After a moment Kurt broke it and murmured, "oh my god." He was still so close that Sebastian could feel his breaths on his lips.

Sebastian could feel Kurt's arms on his chest tightened as he fisted Sebastian's shirt, "Kurt-I-"

"...Oh my god."

"Kurt, I'm so sorry. I-"

Then in a blink of an eyes Kurt turned on his heels and left.

"Shit!"

* * *

-ksksks-

That was stupid mistake. No! To say that was stupid would be understatement. Because what the hell was he thinking?

Kissing Kurt Hummel, in his apartment while his husband and Kurt's asshole friend sitting not a couple feet away from them. He really fucked everything up right now. He felt so dizzy, so exhausted. He had spend his time beating himself down for the past few days, trying to find some logical explanation of why in the hell he did that, but he didn't find any.

So that's why he standing here right at this moment, trying to rouse up the courage, to talk to himself for over ten minutes into knocking. He just need to make everything right again, that the whole thing just a fucked up situation and they just need to forget and move on. Sebastian took a very deep breath before finally he knocked the door and listened as someone from another part of the room rushed to get to the door.

"Who is it?" A beautiful voice answered.

"I shouldn't have kissed you," Sebastian said quietly the moment door being opened, dropping his eyes away for a second because he's embarrassed and uncomfortable.

To say Kurt's expression was shocked would be understatement but in an instant he regained his composure and cleared his throat, "yes, probably not," Kurt agreed. Standing in the doorway before crossing his hands over his chest.

Sebastian wondered if Kurt hated him now. Something in his heart screams that he don't want that beautiful man standing in front of him now to hate him, he don't want that at all.

"Don't hate me." Then Sebastian adds.

"Why?"

"Because I-, _shit_!" Sebastian opened his mouth to respond, but then stopped, and shook his head.

"Uh-huh can't be more agree with that, and I'm still waiting?"

Sebastian sighed, tilted his head to looked at the ceiling, "honestly, I- I don't know either. Just- listen. I just want to say...I'm sorry okay?" Sebastian keeps his voice low, but he looks down because he wants to see his reaction.

"No, you're not." Kurt said, leaning against the doorway.

"I-um."

Glasz eyes wide with unreadable glint, Kurt kept his eyes at Sebastian's direction intensely, seems to contemplating his next words or moves, sighed before he finally spoke, "come on in doc." The slender man nods his head as he took one step backward, ushered Sebastian into his apartment.

Sebastian hesitated at first before he nods and stepped into the apartment, stood up awkwardly before Kurt roll his eyes and grabbed the man by the arms and led him to the living room.

Kurt sighed. "Will you tell me what this is all about?" He asked as he took his seat on the couch, Sebastian took a deep breath as he plopped down not a second latter when Kurt patted the space next to him.

"What is what all about?" Sebastian asked back as he shifted uncomfortably on the seat he was perched on.

"Are you have something to tell me or what? After the first time I brought Jesse to your apartment, you're so mean to me." Kurt started.

"Me? Mean? When?" Sebastian let a nervous chuckles out.

"Seriously? You barely looked at me at the hospital, you even snapped at me just because I talk to that nurse? What his name again? Mike, Max or whatever?"

"I was just doing my work Kurt, that nurse can't flirting around when he was on duty." Sebastian's voice was clipped and impatient.

"Uh-huh right, don't lie, doc." He leaned back as he roll his eyes. "You know, you did the same thing with Jesse last week."

Sebastian try to open his mouth to say his word, but nothing come out. "No I didn't, he ju-"

Kurt folded his arms, "Oh really?" He shot him a skeptical look, "Then where's all this hostility coming from then?"

Sebastian gave a sarcastic chuckled. "Nowhere."

Kurt sighed again, "and then you kissed me Sebastian. You! A married man has kissed me in their apartment wh-"

"Alright-alright. Jeez. You got your point. I-" Sebastian sighed as he ran his fingers trough his hair.

"What Sebastian? I don't get it, we're doing well for months. You're so sweet to me, I thought that we're friends now?" Kurt said his words trough gritted teeth.

"We are!"

"Uh-huh and then, BAM. Suddenly you're being mean to me, you even snapped at me when I tell you that I had a lunch date with Jesse, this anger, I don't understand, you're being a dickhead Bas? I don't even recognize the man in front of me now," Kurt burst out, wipes his cheek when a single of desperate tear escaped from his eye. "And then you kissed me? What the hell that supposed to mean?" God he so confused right now.

"Kurt, I-"

Then suddenly Kurt's eyes went wide, slender fingers covering his mouth as realization hit him like a bus, "_oh my god_, wait. Don't tell me. Are you? Sebastian Smythe, _jealous_?" He watched, amused, as Sebastian's face change from surprise to embarrassment.

"I-" Sebastian's face hardened, getting caught off guard with the question.

"Oh my god, you're?"

Sebastian huffed. "Jealous? You must be fucking kidding me."

"You're jealous because I was talking to that nurse, and you're jealous because I was spending more time with Jesse then I was with you."

_Fourth, Denial. Another sure sign of jealousy._

"You're delusional, Hummel. I think you've been spending too much time with that Mr. Perfect McAsshole in his perfect fucking world where everybody bend their knees to licks his shoes. So you got contaminated with his assholeness so you're not thinking straight."

"Wow, what a decent conversation doc, and maybe that's because there's nothing straight with me," Kurt let a sarcastic chuckle out, shook his head in disbelief before stands up, "fine then, whatever. I forgive you, don't mind about me. We will not bring this matter again in our life, ever. Just say that was a second of craziness and it was just meaningless kiss or whatever, we will not beating up ourselves again, just so we can back to our life again, so you can forget about it and you can live happily ever after with your husband, okay? and I can spend more of my time with Mr. McAsshole, which I need to call after this _bullshit_, because I need some hard fuck right now." Kurt snapped with obvious sarcasm driving his tone, as he began to walks to the kitchen table to where he put his cell phone.

Sebastian never thought that he will ever experienced all of that bullshit signs of what people called as jealousy. But one thing he knows now...

_That jealousy is a powerful Aphrodisiac._

So it's been official that the first time Sebastian cheated on Blaine was on a Saturday night. Blaine was off with Aidan, his manager. It was when Sebastian suddenly grabs Kurt by the wrist when he tries to walk past him, spun him around and kissed the slender man hard on the lips.

Sebastian says that they can't happen. That they won't happen. That they, he and Kurt, are a mistake.

Sebastian's heart was hammering in his chest so hard he could feel its pulse through his entire body. He could hear Kurt's shaky breath. "This can't happen." Sebastian whispered when he broke the kiss, resting his forehead against Kurt's, he says for what seems like the millionth time today. Mesmerizing green eyes meet glaszed ones. Sebastian's voice is shaky and nervous, though he makes no attempt to push Kurt away.

This is wrong and they both know it. Kurt knows that he shouldn't be doing this. For an instant he's positive that he's going to end this right here, right now. Demanding that he gets out of his house, and out of his head. Instead, "I know," Kurt whispered. He stare with his darkened glasz eyes before stepped closer, every part of their bodies touching as his hot breath washed over Sebastian's lips. A part of Kurt's body was screaming at him to push Sebastian's body away to run and never meet the charming doctor again, telling him that this are a big mistake, that this is wrong, but the other part of him just wanted to go forward hugging him tightly and kiss that man again. "Just-don't say anything."

"Kurt I-" Sebastian closed his eyes for a moment as shook his head lightly, his need to fill the silence almost overwhelming him.

Kurt smiles wearily, looking nervous. "Don't say anything," he repeats. Sebastian obeys and nods. The quiet of nothingness engulfs them again.

There is a moment in which the two men just stare at one another. Sebastian doesn't seem to be able to come up with anything else to say. At first Sebastian was hesitate, seems to be unsure of himself as his green eyes staring intensely, before without his consent he lifted his hand and stroked across Kurt's bottom lip with his thumb and Kurt's mouth dropped open willingly. A small moan escaped as he closed his eyes.

Slowly Sebastian tilted his head to the side, caresses those smooth silken cheeks with a featherly touch, smiles when he knows the cause of his touch causing some beautiful pink color began to spread all over his porcelain skin, "God, you're so beautiful." Sebastian whispered in a deep husky voice.

They share a look of mischief as they lean closer together, their noses bumping slightly before Sebastian leaning in to place a quick kiss on those smooth lips. And then suddenly, they're kissing. It wasn't rough and urgent like the first one, the kiss is soft and slow, just reveling in the pleasure that came with every movement of their lips as they mold together, Kurt's mouth is sweet and tasted like a coffee and mint as it moves against Sebastian's. But as the moments pass, too fast for either of their liking, Sebastian becomes more willing, eager. Because there is such a electricity in the doctor's blood that he was powerless to deny the force that pulled him even closer to another man even as he tried his best to resist. His arms somehow snakes their way around Kurt's neck.

Kurt's hands slowly drop to Sebastian's shoulders as he sinks further into the kiss, unintentionally letting out a whimper of a breath as the brunette gently tugs on his bottom lip with his teeth. Sebastian snakes his tongue into Kurt's mouth, as he parted his lips and suck Sebastian's tongue. Things between them quickly grow heavy and heated as Kurt put his hands on Sebastian's neck to pulled him down in horizontal position on the couch, making his body underneath Sebastian's solid body.

Sebastian's hands drifted down Kurt's sides to grab at his hips and push their groins into contact with one another, Kurt try to buck his hips, and they were moan as a result, Sebastian slender fingers start to undoing the buttons on Kurt's grey shirt, humming against the skin, begin to sucking at Kurt's neck, licking the bruise that start forming in those white milky skin, "so gorgeous," he whispered against Kurt's neck.

Kurt breaks them apart to catch his breath, bringing his hands around to Sebastian's shirt, fingering the hem to touch the skin underneath the red shirt. As Sebastian carefully and deliberately, open Kurt's button up shirt buttons. The skin that is slowly being revealed is so pale and white milk color. He lets out a breath he didn't realize he was holding, his eyes scan over Kurt's beautiful body. His vision blinded with lust while he traces the dull outlines of Kurt's muscles with his fingers.

Swiftly sliding the hands to Kurt' waist, Sebastian holds the boy steady as he make his head lowered to put open mouthed kiss all over Kurt's neck, shoulder, chest down to his belly button. Suddenly Kurt can feel a heat wetness gliding up his stomach. A heavy breathy moan rushes out of his throat once he realizes it's Sebastian's tongue running over his navel and to his chest. It's enough to get him instantly hard. He roughly grab Sebastian's hair and brings him into a kiss full of clashing teeth and pressing, curious tongues.

"Bed room." Kurt whispered with heavy breaths as he broke the kiss.

Sebastian nods before he led Kurt's long legs to his waist, and grabbed the man by the hips. Kurt's hands instantly snakes his way and tightened around Sebastian's neck, encircle his legs around Sebastian's waist tightly before the taller man lifted him off the couch, carrying the slender man into the bed room, they never breaking their kiss.

Their kiss went into a full of passion, lips and tongues moving furiously over each other's, clutching the other closer during the way as Kurt guide them both towards the bedroom. Once near the bed Sebastian lowered Kurt's lithe body onto the soft king sized bed gingerly, slowly removing Kurt's designer shirt. Breaking the kiss due to his lungs needed air, took a minute to look down at the half nude man underneath him. Taking in the hairless smooth pale chest, pink pert nipples with lust filled his green eyes.

Loving the view in front of him Sebastian smiled before leans down, leaving kisses, and marks over the pale canvas. Pausing briefly to use his tongue and teeth to worry the pink nipple into hardened peaks, Kurt squeezed his eyes shut as he moan and arch into his touch. Sebastian then realize that he loved to hear this beautiful man make those noises, especially if those noises were because of him. Groaned low in his throat when Sebastian turned his attention to its twin. Stopping his onslaught on Kurt's chest he pulls the shirt he was wearing over his head and tossed it aside. He watched in amazement as those bright glaszed eyes darkened with lust staring at him intensely, smiled when Kurt's hand came up to run fingers down from his cheek to his chiseled chest.

Long porcelain hand grabbed the taller man's neck as Sebastian leaned down to capture Kurt's pink lips while his hand moved to unbutton and unzip Kurt's pants, shifting and ending the kiss to lift his lover's hips up, pull the pants all down over before tossing that aside carelessly. The slender male watched and switched their position when he sees that Sebastian was still in his pants. Pinning the doctor down on the bed as he moving to straddle the taller man, before he lowered himself to sucking and licking Sebastian's neck down to his collarbone, chest, navel until he was eyelevel with Sebastian's pants, using his hands to unbutton the pants before pulling down the zipper by his teeth with the most sensual way Sebastian ever seen from a man on his entire life.

A smirk reached Kurt's lips while he sat between Sebastian's legs, causing the young doctor let's out a heavy breath he didn't realize he was holding. Kurt licked his pink lips before then leaned over and blew hot air onto the contricted cock that still held in Sebastian blue boxers. Using his slender fingers, Kurt pulled down Sebastian's boxers inch by inch. Sebastian moaned and rolled his eyes, running a hand through Kurt's soft locks when the beautiful male moved in to lick up the side of Sebastian's member. A tingling feeling washed throughout his body when Kurt drew him deeply into the back of his throat. Sebastian's head fell back and he babbled out his approval when Kurt hollowed his cheeks and sucked. The young doctor became nearly incoherent when Kurt's fingers began to stroked what it could of his cock and massaging his balls.

"Kurt, shit- I can't hold anymore longer." Sebastian moaned. Felt slightly embarrassed, because God they haven't even started the actual sex and he was almost at his climax.

Kurt pull his wet mouth with a loud pop, crawling onto the bed again when Sebastian grabbed his wrist and pull him up before capturing him in a slow passionate kiss. The kiss got bigger and more eager when Kurt's hands roamed along the doctor's skin, Sebastian lifted his body to reverse the situation, smirked when Kurt let a surprised yelp as his smaller body hit the mattress, lifted his upper body to groped for the bottle of lube and condoms when the smaller man pointed his finger to his bedside table, slicked his fingers, throw it carelessly as he then slid a finger into Kurt's entrance. Kurt let out a moan at the burn. Sebastian moved his finger in and out slowly, stretching Kurt. When Kurt's moan became more sounds of pleasure and less of pain, Sebastian inserted a second finger. Scissored his fingers, and crooked them a little till he found that spot. Making Kurt buck almost reflexively against him.

" OhGodyes."

Sebastian pulled out his fingers abruptly, and when Kurt was about to go bitching at him, he felt Sebastian's wet warm tongue. Held Kurt open with both hands, tongue began teasing and licking, lapping at the sensitive flesh before speeding up and slowing down to draw slow circles around it, before the slow circling begins to turn into hard pushes against his rim just enough to make Kurt's mind go crazy.

"Fuck, Sebastian." Kurt moaned.

Grabbing hold of Kurt's hips Sebastian looked into the smaller's man eyes trough his lashes. The younger male knew instantly what was to come, helping his lover along he lifted his hips up to wrap his legs around Sebastian's waist when Sebastian crawled up into the bed again. Quickly grabbed the condom and teared it apart with his teeth before rolling it on his erection, grabbed the lube bottle once again Sebastian slicked up his cock. Sebastian wasn't going to let Kurt wait any longer. Shifting his hips he slowly entered him, Sebastian hissed as he felt himself swallowed by Kurt's tight heat. He slid forward, inch by inch in slow, deliberate strokes. Sebastian keened as he slid past the first ring of muscle and into the second, inch by inch, earning a moan from both of them as the young doctor was fully hilted in his lover.

Leaning down he began to kiss Kurt's bruised lips, down to his neck, make his marks in every single skin he can reach, while slowly pulling out until just the head was in before slamming back in.

"Bas..." He heard a deep throated moan coming from the man underneath him when he hit Kurt's prostate dead on each time he thrusted in and out. The moans got louder, hissed when Kurt's nails scratch their way down his back, drawing an angry red marks in their wake. His nerves tingled at the pain that mixed itself in with the pleasure.

His thrusts became harder, deeper, faster as he got lost in the sheer kiss, bringing a hand away from Kurt's hip he grasped the designer's cock in his hand and began pumping it in rhythm with his thrusts when he heard Kurt practically screaming as his orgasm start to peaked and began to gathered in his stomach. "Bas, I can't."

"Shh, just let it go, cum for me baby," Sebastian said as he speed up his hand motions.

And with that, Kurt let himself go, let out a high moan before spilling over into Sebastian's hand and on his stomach. The tightness increased, the feeling of Kurt's muscles clenched around his cock deliriously making Sebastian moaned loud and thrusts in a few more times before shooting his own load inside the condom deep inside Kurt's tight hole.

Regaining his breath, Sebastian slid out of Kurt, the both of them moaning softly at the lost, pulling off the used condom before tying it and tossing it in the trash bin. Wrapping an arm around his lover's waist, Sebastian climbed in pulling his Kurt against his chest, pulling the covers over their exhausted bodies.

"I cannot seem to stop wanting you." Sebastian whispered to the sleeping man in the top of his chest after a few minutes he listened Kurt's breathing evened out as they lay on Kurt's bed.

* * *

**-Chick-flick movies-**

_"The heart wants what it wants. There's no logic to these things. You meet someone and you fall in love and that's that." -Woody Allen-_

Never in a million years did Kurt Hummel ever think that he would become the person he has become now. Since he knew that he was '_different_', he never dare to become a kid who dreamed of some fairytales love story will come to his life, let alone dare to hope that he'd get his own fairytales ending. That all consuming and unconditional love that was played out in books and in movies seemed so distant to even truly exist.

That was until a young Dalton student named Blaine Anderson entered his life. Has changed his life completely until he had no choice but to believe in fairytales, had his own Prince Charming rushing into save him, being a knight in the shining armor for pick him up everytime he fells, his mentor and his best friend. He knew the moment he'd met that dapper man in that staircase at Dalton that his own fairytales story has begun. It was beautiful to very last, albeit all the obstacles that've happened in the beginning, he was finally able to find a place where he can anchor all the hopes he'd buried deep in his heart.

And that day he finally knew, that if Kurt Hummel fall in love then he will fall hard.

It was beautiful, consuming and with Blaine by his side he could breathe properly, for the first time in his life he was whole, there was nothing he wouldn't do for him.

Then he left...

Two years of fairytales look alike story have been burned in a flash with the most unexpected reason he ever thought, broke all his heart until there was nothing left to break. Just shattered pieces left within him, scratching around with every memories.

That is the first time Kurt Hummel knew that love is also means as hurt. And he hurts bad.

Months has passed, as the young Kurt Hummel tried his very best to heal his wounded heart, there's so many parties, so many faces with no names has came to filled his nights before all disappeared, although he would never admit his longing and craving feeling to search that kind of 'beautiful' feeling again.

It was in one of Rachel's party when the first time Rachel introduced him with some guy, Adam, one of Rachel's senior at NYADA, a cute guy with the most sexiest British accent he ever met. Not long after that, he found out that Rachel has gave Adam his number (to her defense said that he asked for his number and eventually he will be thank her for that). It was a day after he knew that Rachel has gave his number he got his first phone call, it was fun if he has to admit, and after weeks of endless flirting phone calls, texts, and hours of a very annoying persuasion voice from the one of Ms. Rachel Berry, Kurt finally agreed that he would go on a date with Adam.

At first the calls, the coffee meetings and the dates was nothing more than a distraction from all the pain and nothingness that haunting over him for months. But slowly, over time some of the broken pieces inside of him began to fused piece by piece with each smile Adam put on his face. And without his consent he became to rely on him more than anyone else now that Blaine was gone from his life, a person he needed to save him from the pain Blaine had left him in. Although he knew that Adam would never be Blaine but he knew that Adam was a close second in his heart.

And then again, he should know that everything that's good in his life will never be last forever.

Years has passed as Adam has become his best friend, his companion, his partner, his lover and his boyfriend, until Adam graduated and got his very first role on Broadway theatre; his dream... his life...his future. And when Kurt knew that he got his internship in Paris, he knew that something has to be done.

He can't be selfish, he must let Adam go.

It was a very hard task, keep his sweet faked smile all the time when he spoke about the decision to Adam, keep rationalizing his decision although deep inside he just wanted nothing more than to curl up into a ball on his bed and cry for days, mourn of the possibility of losing the live he had chosen with the man who has managed to open his heart once again. He knew deep down he's still hurting, even until now never mind how hard he try, those wound will never heal perfectly.

Then he met Sebastian.

Kurt tried to think of how it had begun. It was ridiculously hard to think, he didn't know how or when it had happened – when exactly the first time he had those strange feeling in the pit of his stomach. A kind of weird feeling that will washed trough your body every time you saw him, like you're flying, no...no...make it like when you were going downwards; makes your heart beat faster, it was consuming, it was mind blowing, if he can be truly honest it felt almost as he was…falling.

Kurt had been a little shocked at himself that first time he thought about it. Not because the thought had never occurred to him (even back when he was a teenager, he had found himself thinking about it a lot and in detail). But it never really crossed his mind again until they started having lunch in the hospital cafeteria together. There's something about that annoying meerkat that has changed from the last time he had met that guy. It's almost felt like you had met a different person, there's no more guy he loathed from high school, the smug smirky chipmunk with all his mighty assholeness, there's something that make the one Mr. Kurt Hummel keep guessing about what it is (which apparently took almost half of his time), and if you know who's Kurt Hummel, then you know that he will make a list about that '_thing_'.

First, maybe it was the hair; It was brown, such a dark shade of brown, it was less CW hair now, you know like perfectly coiffed Jimmy Neutron's hair style that includes too much hairspray in it? (Not that he think about it that much). Well, the truth is he kinda spent the majority of their lunch time staring at his hair. Now it was slightly stuck out in every direction, as if each strand was rebelling against the other, but when he thinks about it now, maybe it because he was too much running his fingers trough that CW hair when he was at his works, and strangely it was more fit on him, seems so messy that he wants to reach and touch it.

The second thing he remarks is his laughter. It is not that kind of smug assholeness laugh that he used to hear long time ago, but it's more free now, more genuine and to be frankly it's contagious and it makes him laugh with him. So he kinda loved how it sounded now.

The third thing he admires him for, is his capacity to be serious and professional when it comes to his works, there's no more young hot-spirited Sebastian, but the man in front of him now was a calm, organized man whose duty to help the others.

The fourth thing he notices about him, well he doesn't really like it, but he can't fight it either. He's a very attractive man. Like in very very attractive man...tall, lean with slight built muscles, green captivating eyes and just...gorgeous.

If only he can...?

Still, he only thought once - and even then only briefly, because Kurt Hummel from Lima will say that this all so wrong and will kill himself before even try to started it, that the smartest thing might have been to take a step back, to get some distance before he got too involved. Everyone who claims to be his friend will think that he was strong, thinks they all know him. That they will immediately think that Kurt Hummel will chose to ignore this kind of feeling, because he was too afraid to even try, too consumed by grief to even consider the possibility of reopening his heart.

And most of all he never gets to be selfish; he always does what's best for everyone else but himself, always. Like when he gave Rachel an ego boost by letting her won the Diva off challenge, bit his tongue hard when he must listen that petite girl boasting around the school by telling everybody that he just some gay boy who isn't as good as her because his talent never can compare to her capability to sing every single song, got lost as he can't reached high F when they competed to sing 'Defying Gravity'. Hell, he even tried to hide his true sexuality by dating Brittany and dressed in some butcher outfits for Gaga's sake, just because he was afraid that his dad won't accept him and that eventually would make his father get some trouble just because of him being gay. Has sung a 'duet' song by himself because Finn bluntly told him that he was afraid that his 'gayness' will affect Sam's cool reputation just because he was agreed to do some duet with him. And  
when he thought for the first time in his life that he finally will get his chance to do the right choice by letting his feeling grew deep for his best friend, he must buried his feeling by standing trough the whole time when Blaine sing that inappropriate song to that poor GAP's store manager. He couldn't just let his selfish side of him win, he couldn't just hate Finn for protecting Sam, hate Blaine for not reciprocate his feelings, or just because he'd got Tony's role, even when something became heavier to his heart, Kurt Hummel will always use his brain to think; that his dad didn't deserve to be miserable because of his sexuality, that Sam didn't deserves being taunted just because one single song, that Blaine needed him for being a supportive friend trough his hard times, that he deserve for that role just because he might be more fit and talented for that role, that maybe he just need to reduce his ego when Blaine said that he was ready for sex in that gay bar, to put his deep romantic side of him away because this is the real life, because he need to be a good boyfriend. No matter how hard or how badly he wanted all that things for himself, he will never let his tears block all the logics in his head to wins, all of that had happened just because he can't be selfish, that the only thing he wants is for everyone around him to be happy, and for that he's ready to sacrifice his own happiness. Besides, it was useless. Not to mention if this (if you can call it as a...relationship) was involving a married man. This just a kind of feeling that only will lead him to a point when he will make an irresistible time for his need to cry. To a guilt…a guilty feeling because he knew. He knew that Sebastian was in love with the young actor and that Blaine loved him back.

All of that happened before suddenly Sebastian kissed him that night in his apartment.

And the night when Sebastian came to his apartment to apologize, he already has prepared his heart for another break down, like he knew that Sebastian will only say that it was a mistake and all of that should not be happening. He was ready for that. But one thing that he never expect is for Sebastian to kiss him again. And when they having their first sex, it was when he figured out that he held feelings for him that were bordering on more than platonic. Sometimes he think that there's no way back, in his heart he had known it was a bad idea for him, especially for Sebastian's marriage. He haven't allowed this kind of feeling in years, but as the time ran he'd felt his resolve slipping away, keep thinking that maybe this is his only chance after so long he was craving for that feeling to return on his heart, so for once he just want to forget all of the things and just to roll with it.

Then the second time came. And the third. And the twenty. And then he didn't count anymore.

And apparently not everyone knew that New York Kurt will take the story differently. There's something he has been keeping inside, that deep to the point he not sure how far he'd have to dig to pull it out; that the truth is so far from all of that though, the truth is he's a hallow shell of a man who just can't seem to get a grip on reality; the truth is, he was weak and he was nothing close to strong, that he can be selfish, he could care less about other. Because with him by his side he could breathe properly again, for the first time in his life he was whole again. For once he just want to be happy without too much thinking about anything, about anyone, for once he really want to be selfish and just go on with it, to just say that fuck off to the world and all the norms in it. Want to just 'don't care' anymore, because they're happy to spending all their time as just two, them against the world.

The last couple of months has been the most happiest months in Kurt's life. He had needed someone and he had been there – more than that – he had healed his heart and completed him.

So, wasn't it okay to be selfish, just this once... just about this?

Let him be selfish. _Please_...just this once.

"...Bas?"

"Yeah, baby?"

"...I think that I'm in love with you."

* * *

**-The Decision-**

_"Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up."  
-James A. Baldwin-_

Six months, two weeks and four days. Over six complicated months full of lie, tears, agony, shame of himself, heartache, but yet it was also a full six months of smiles, laugh, lust, passion and just...happiness.

Sebastian thought that it wasn't the things he did as much as the things he didn't do. Because it wasn't just that Sebastian cheated on his husband, it was that he is cheating on him. It wasn't some drunken mistake; Sebastian known for sure what he was doing, because you don't continually cheat on someone by mistake. Just the way they look at each other, he knew so goddamn well that there's something in it. Because now he can't see Blaine the way he used to see his husband, there's no more hazel eyes he adores so much, it always turned to become more glaszed in his eyes, there's no more missing feeling when his husband off for his work at another town for days, instead he will felt a heartache and will full of emptiness if Kurt was off with his friends even for just in matter of hours, why the way Blaine's smiles not as compassionates as Kurt's smiles, why the way Blaine moves not as graceful as Kurt's...There were all the why's, the maybes and all the what-ifs floating 24/7 around his tired mind. He really didn't want to think about it, but it wasn't something that he could easily avoid.

_And that is the thing that he's been afraid so much._

They sat side by side at the couch, each cradling a glass of red wine in their hands. Just another comfortable night, enjoying the quiet nothingness, they quite loved it. Sebastian turned his head and saw the pale man closed his beautiful eyes, humming softly as 'How do I Live' by Thrisa Yearwood's song filled the room. And at that moment Sebastian thought that he just want to wrap his arms around him and kiss him. That's what he should have done. But his arms were heavy and his heart felt heavier.

It wasn't even that he missed how it was or how it should be. He just wanted it all to stop, to end, so that he could get some rest and stop feeling so tired, so dead inside.

"I can't Kurt." Sebastian whispered.

Opened his eyes, Kurt turned his head to see his lover, "what?" He replied, confused clearly riding his question.

"I can't do this anymore."

"What do you mean?" Furrowing his eyebrows, Kurt leaned forward and turned his body to face Sebastian.

"Us." The answer is simple.

There a small disbelief chuckle can be heard, "is this happening because I told you that I love you?" Now Kurt's voice sounds shaky.

Sebastian closed his eyes, cursed himself as he was so afraid to open his eyes, to see him. "Don't Kurt."

"Well I do."

Sebastian shook his head. "Kurt stop it."

"Do you...love him?" Kurt asked with shaky breath as he stood up slowly before walked across the room, standing in front of his apartment window.

"...I care about him."

"And you don't care about me?"

"Damn it Kurt, I-"

"You what?" His arms wraps tightly around his body, and his eyes are still and numb. "Just answer my question, do you -ever love me?"

Sebastian sighed as he ran his fingers trough his hair, "I don't even know what the meaning of love, all I know that my life will not be the same again if he's not around."

Kurt's eyes dart apathetically towards his direction, his head turning a fraction towards Sebastian's face. "_Fuck you_ Sebastian! You're just a stupid coward who doesn't want to admit even to yourself that you're just afraid to lose your balance, to get out of your comfort zone! To even see me right in the eyes and say that you do not falling in love with me!" a dark twinge of sarcasm he adds to it with his tone, he stops pacing, watching Sebastian now, waiting.

"Whatever Kurt, I just want this-this '_thing_' between us over, I just can't hold anymore longer this guilty feeling to him-"

And Kurt laughs brokenly, the laughter dies on his pink lips as reality seemed to sinks in. "A guilty feeling that you've cheated on him, or a guilty feeling that in the fact you start to feel something for me, and this you said '_thing_' wasn't about just sex anymore?! Answer me Sebastian!?" Kurt asked as he looks at the man standing not far away from him, a perfectly sculpted eyebrow questioningly raised. The shimmering tears in his eyes start to roll down his cheeks. A defiant tilt of the head, a challenge for Sebastian to answer his question, his jaw clenched as if for determination of his state.

Sebastian stared into that beautiful eyes, noticing that his eyes had been the only sign of weakness before only for mere second it's retreats into himself, builds his own guards wall high. "I-fuck you, Kurt. We over now. Just-just move on..." Sebastian said with shaky breath, the words passing Sebastian's lips almost inaudibly.

Kurt nods his head stiffly, his jaw a little more clenched than before. "So it's over?" he whispered. His voice breaks, tears poured down his face as he struggled to breathe. The pain in his voice rips Sebastian's apart.

"Yes."

They don't say anything else after that, just stand there in each other's presence instead.

* * *

**-The Choice-**

_"I'm scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life the way I feel when I'm with you."  
– Dirty Dancing-_

"Who is it?"

"Who's what?"

"Fuck you Hummel, just who is it?"

"Just-" Kurt shook his head, "don't."

"Who. Is. He?" Santana snapped, wide eyes full of rage in the front of her crying friend. Because she was so not in the mood for some bullshit that Kurt put in her face right now. It has been months since the first time she noticed that her boss has changed from his usual evil bitchy gay boss into someone that completely different, he was more calm now, more smiles, more of those free laughs with passions and live in his eyes and above all that he seems more...happy if she can tell, and she knows that it was nothing to do with Jesse, because apparently that bizarre thing that happens between them in years has changed drastically in this couple of months. It was not as intense as it used to be, she even can't remember when the last time she saw her boss with that Benedict being together. So maybe he has found someone else, she thought. She was ready to congratulate him before suddenly all this shit happened, Kurt was missing from his works for days, and when he came to the office, all the staffs will facing one of a hell, one mistake and they all asked for a death wish. It was never happen before, well unless a couple years ago when that hobbit cheated on him. So she knew immediately that something was being royally fucked.

"Sebastian Smyt-" came a small whisper from Kurt's mouth.

Eyes wide with surprise, "_Smythe_? What the fuck?! Sebastian Sm- that Sebastian Smythe? He's _Blaine's_ husband for fucking sake Hummel!"

"And you don't think that I know that!" Kurt snapped before buried his head on his hands.

The beautiful Latina sighed in heavy breath. "How long?" She asked, crossing her hands on her chest.

"Almost seven months."

"The fuck?" She rolled her eyes, "And?"

"And he ended this-this- '_thing_' just because he can't stand the fucking guilty feeling anymore."

"He must be fucking kidding me!" Santana threw her hands in the air. "And you will moping around like that little gay kid from Lima I knew from high school?! Why are you putting up with this? I've never seen you like this in years. Why are you letting him walk all over you?" Her emotions settled on anger. Her hands clenched into fists. Damn men. They were all selfish shit. Tears were forming in her eyes.

"Just fuck off Santana! you don't know the half of it!

"Oh hell no Hummel! You got enough of all the bullshit he'd done to you! Fuck you. But what else is there to know? A past is a past, but you let him fucked you and then what? Back to his husband?! and you're not standing up for yourself."

"Just mind your own fucking business." Kurt yelled, anger build in those hardened glaszed eyes, he tries to leave, but Santana stops him.

"You can't possibly love him so much that you will let him hurt you like this, right? Because you're gonna fuck yourself up!" Santana let a disbelief chuckles out from his red lips.

Her friend only ducked his head, "I don't have any other choice." Kurt whispered.

Santana shook his head in disbelief, "God. You really think that you falling in love with that smirky asshole?"

And there was a firm nod can be seen, "I-I really love him Santana." Kurt mumbles. And something inside Santana breaks.

It never occurred to her that she would have all those feelings like how she now felt about her high school friend like at this point, when she reunited for the first time after years of loosing contact with Kurt 'lady lips' Hummel six years ago in NYC, she was in the middle of her depressing state for being unemployment after being fired thanks to her co-worker by stabbing her in the back just because some fucking promotion. It was when she read on the website that 'KH' design house need some personal assistant for the one Sweet Porcelain, and how funny it is about how life can brought her at the point when the used to be his tormentor has become his fucking assistant for God's sake. And after that, year after years has passed and nothing she would change for the world, because deep inside she always has a little spot for her Porcelain, and she knew that working with Kurt Hummel will always be interesting (she will never admit that to anyone ever, even if  
some gun being pointed at her head), and after those up and down years Santana known as not only Kurt Hummel's assistant, but also his closest friend, his guardian angel...no..no...more like his personal pit bull, because Santana Lopez care about him that much, and she would never let something happens to him. And Santana knows for sure that Kurt Hummel haven't say that 'L' word since his heart was breaking over his first high school sweetheart...the husband of his new love...Blaine...talking about fucking irony.

"Yes you do! Just stand up for your self for once! Make yourself happy with someone who really love you! Just for once stop searching for love and let yourself being loved Hummel!"

"And who's the person who love me that much, Satan?" Kurt challenged.

"You know who the fucking well the person is!"

Kurt chuckled as he shook his head, "oh no he doesn't, we just friends with benefit, a fuck buddies, Satan. There's nothing wi-"

"Bullshit! We knew him from high school, a self-centered, egoistical and shrewd guy whose ego and pride has made his head as big as San Francisco,"

"Yes! That is exactly who he is, so what's the point?"

"A man who will never choose anything else other than his career, yes?"

"Of course." Kurt said firmly.

"But also a man who always been in the front row every time you got a runway shows even when he got invitations to some award show, a man who left his meeting when he got one single phone call about his 'fuck buddy' whose ankle has broken due an accident and flew from New York to Paris in a heart beat. Oh of course there's nothing with that, Hummel. Because he just that type of person, huh? And one more thing Hummel, if you didn't notice how your 'fuck buddy' misses you, even I can figure out how much he misses you from the way he talked about you, because apparently you're too busy fucking another man's husband. Move your head from your ass for once and see what under your nose!" Shook her head Santana threw her arms into the air, before stormed out from the room and leave the teary eyes man alone.

* * *

-ksksks-

It was raining now, the ivory skinned man leaned against the window, watching as the rain slid down, each drop racing each other to reach the bottom of the glass pane, far away, lightning sliced trough the dark clouds. A knock on the door pulled him out from his reverie, he glanced at his watch, it was quarter to eight in the night, he didn't expect anyone. With a final glance at the window the man stood up from where he sat and slowly walked towards the door, he opened the door, and what he saw almost made him burst to tears one more time.

He barely recognize the man standing in front of him, his hair was completely ruined, brown hair in messy curls all sticking to his face and falling in front of his eyes, drops of water falling from the curls onto the floor. The clothes he was wearing was currently getting soaked with the heavy downpour, dripping onto the floor at Kurt's front door, "Santana has called me. Said that she has left you dressed in an old t-shirt and sweats, said that you not even have time to do those skincare shit, so that's bad. So I just ran here as fast as I can for an exorcism to bring Kurt I know back." The man said as he smiled warmly, even when his teeth chattering and shivering.

Somehow the voice had pushed away the tears and brought a little smile back on Kurt's face. "How? Oh I know, one whistle and then...voila, I can see all your minions bow in the front of their master."

The man laughed, "see..I haven't even started to whistle and they already set you free, you know that I'm a magnificent human being with thousands of undeniable talents, right? So nothing that I can't handle okay. Don't worry you're in a good hands."

Kurt could feel the tears build up in his eyes before grabbed the man's arms and pulled him flushed into his chest.

"Hey, we only haven't met for what? A month? if I know that you will miss me so much I think I will hide a little bit longer till you beg for me to come."

"In your dream." Kurt let out a breathlessly chuckle. "...Jesse?" He whispered as the arms around the man's waist tightened and burried his face in the crook of Jesse's wet neck.

"I'm here..." Jesse whispered as he kiss Kurt's hair softly. "Now would you let me in, because it's damn freezing here." Jesse said with chattering teeth.

"Does it feel nice that you actually can feel the cold of the weather once in a while, because living in hell can be so barren, right?" the smaller man said playfully, gingerly taking Jesse's hand and leading him inside the apartment and gently closing the door.

"Ha-ha, funny." Jesse rolled his eyes, shivering as he stepped into the apartment. The clothes he was wearing clung to his body like a second skin. Instead of letting Jesse get into the bathroom Kurt threaded his hands through Jesse's hair and pushed him firmly against the wall. "Why Hummel I know that I have a sexy body and of course wet clothes only will make it looked more alluring than usual, but-"

Kurt silenced the man by gripped the back of the brunette's neck and pulled him into a fierce kiss before pressing the taller man up against the front door. "Shut up St. James. Just kiss me," Kurt whispered as he crashed their lips once again.

"Now I want you to fuck me so hard I forget my name. So hard till I forget about everything shit that happened." Kurt whispered huskily on Jesse's ear when he broke the kiss, hot breath caressed his cold neck, causing the man shivered as his grip around Kurt's waist tightened.

"Kurt—" the taller man closed his eyes.

"Sshh." Kurt's nose traveled Jesse's jawline before kissing Jesse's lips with every passion he can pull, slowly trekking his fingernails downwards from Jesse's collarbone, chest and only stopping when the tips of his fingers nuzzle underneath the fabric of his jeans around Jesse's waist. With a grunt, Kurt pulls away from the kiss, immediately attacking the sensitive area he knew so well below Jesse's ear, grazing his teeth along his skin before sucking harshly. Jesse's moan to the actions.

Kurt quickly unbuttoned Jesse's blue midnight button up silk shirt and pushed it off his shoulders, admiring and caressing every inch of his skin. His lips brushed along Jesse's collarbone, leaving love bites in their wake.

Jesse closed his eyes as a small moans slipped from his mouth, damn he was so horny, but as much as it pained him, Jesse pushed Kurt's body slowly and proceeding to look at the smaller man right in the eyes, "...Kurt-"

"No." Kurt shook his head, tightening his grips around Jesse's neck, hide his head to the crook of Jesse's neck to avoid Jesse's attempt to catch his eyes.

"Listen. To. Me." Jesse said firmly as he lifted Kurt's chin slowly, clenched his jaw tightly when he saw the beautiful face in front of him, "I'm horny as a horndog now. But! how about we cooling down for a moment, we can humping like a rabbit latter, but for now I think what you need is to watch your sappy Disney collection movies or whatever fucking reality shows you want to see and just cuddle on the couch, I'll be a big spoon, that sounds good don't you think?" Jesse said warmly.

Kurt bit his trembling lips, shook his head lightly "No. please Jesse. I need you so much right now." A desperate voice came out from those beautiful pink lips, big blue eyes glistening with tears, deep down Jesse's heart breaks.

Jesse nodded as he took a deep breath before grabbed the back of Kurt's neck and crushed his lips against Kurt's hard, "what do you want?" Jesse murmured as he nibbled at Kurt's lower lip.

"You."

Jesse nodded again as his hands running down slowly Kurt's slender body. Jesse grabbed Kurt's ass, roughly pulling their hips together, their half-erections rubbing against each other.

"In front of the table. Spread your legs." Jesse suddenly ordered with his firm dominating tone, a deep authority voice that he often use only with his employees, the tone that he never use when he was with him, and all of that makes the slender male shivered.

Kurt didn't hesitate. He knew the look, the fire behind the eyes and knew he was going to be taken right here in his living room. Kurt in front of his coffee table in seconds, bend half of his body and spread his legs. He felt his body being pushed forwards and put his hands on the sides of the table. Slender fingers undid his sweatpants very quickly and they slid down to his knees. Boxers soon followed as they were yanked down, his already hard erection bobbed up and down before it hung still. He knew to keep quiet at times like this.

He needed this now and Jesse was glad he could be of service. He quietly waited as a sound from zipper being opened can be heard. And before he know, there's a fingers being shoved against his mouth, a growled came out when Jesse felt the other boy sucked the digits into his mouth, coating them with his saliva, Jesse then pulled them, and not a second later he felt a finger on his puckered hole and it only lingered for a moment before let out a high pitch voice when Jesse thrust a finger into Kurt.

He arched his back at the intrusion, but was quickly put back down again by a hand pressing between his shoulders. "Stay. Still." And that tone again. Kurt moaned a reply as the finger moved in and out and was soon followed by a second.

"This is what are you asking for, right Hummel? One hard fuck? huh? So you can forget all the shit that has happened to you?" Jesse started, never stop thrusting his fingers, instead is harder and deeper now, "answer me Kurt!?"

"Yes, oh...fuck..yes!" Kurt yelled as the tips of Jesse's fingers brushing against his prostate, his head fall down to the table.

"You like it don't you baby?" Jesse growl from the back of his throat as he watched the slender male try to fuck himself down on his fingers and the sight made him harder than before.

Kurt started to breathe irregularly and tried to relax as much as he could at the intimate intrusion he felt from behind. The fingers scissored inside him and he moaned. After a moment Jesse pulled out his fingers, making Kurt whimper more, felt a loss when the fingers were suddenly pulled back, Jesse used the rest of the saliva to coat his cock, lining up with Kurt's entrance.

Before he knew a blunt force edged at his hole before pushed in until he was fully sheathed within his tight heat and Kurt was moaning loud. Two hands grabbed him, one on each flank. He could feel the long fingers gripping him tightly, Jesse only waited a few moments before pulling out and thrusting back in again, fast and hard. Those strong hands greedily pulling him on to the erection, taking him deeper every push. Their moans getting louder when Jesse setting a fast rhythm, now hitting Kurt's prostate every time he thrusts in, his muscles clenched around Jesse's cock. He could feel the fingers digging into his sides as they gripped him even stronger.

"Oh fuck yes, harder!" Kurt put one of his hands on his own cock and moved it up and down in sync with Jesse's thrusting. He could feel he wasn't going to last long, but by the way Jesse was pushing in, hitting his prostate he knew he didn't need to last.

"Jesse I'm gonna!"

"Do it baby, let me hear you."

And then Kurt break.

"Jesse!"

With that he came, splattering come over his own hand and his mahogany wooden apartment floor, Jesse slams into him one last time pushing in till the hilt, fire is still burning in Kurt's veins when he immediately released inside Kurt's tight hole. Jesse shouted Kurt's name as he came, his hot seed spilling into the smaller's willing entrance. As the last of his cum spilled into his lover, Jesse felt his limbs give out on him, collapsing against the smaller man, the sounds of their breathing filling the otherwise silent room.

Regaining his breath, Jesse lifted his body, pulled his softening cock out of Kurt's hole who moaned slightly at the loss, clenching his jaw tight as he watched some of his excess cum slid out of Kurt's gaping hole. Sighed before he cleaned himself and his lover with some tissues from Kurt's table. Kurt still panting heavily, trying to catch his breath, wince when he felt those very same hands pulls him backwards as Jesse settles down on his back. He turn around so he can face him before he allow his body to settle over his body. Rest his head against Jesse's and feel how he breathes.

It feels so good just to relax like this.

And he can felt a long fingers stroking his hair softly and he smiled, hum in appreciation, breathing through his nose while kept his eyes closed.

Peaceful…

Still breathing heavily Kurt spoke. "Thank you for being here, I really needed that." He smiled. All the anger and frustration he felt before had left him.

"Always." Jesse whispered in the same time Kurt felt a light pressure of Jesse's lips against his hair line.

Suddenly Jesse's cell phone went off, a lame standard ring tone filled the room, a sounds that Kurt knew so well that it's a personal ring tone for Kevin, Jesse's assistant. And for time to time he knew exactly what it means, he knew if that ring tone went off it was a signal that they need to stop whatever they're doing in that moment because Jesse need to go, they needed Jesse to go, to do some important meeting or whatever they need their boss for. And Jesse knew how important it was, so he never decline any calls from that ring tone nor stayed longer after answering any of Kevin's phone calls.

'_Bullshit! We knew him from high school, a self-centered, egoistical and shrewd guy whose ego and pride has made his head as big as San Francisco,'_

_'Yes! That is exactly who he is, so what's the point?'_

"D-don't go." Then came that broken voice again, made Jesse's heart hurts as hell, as those slender arms tightened around Jesse's waist.

"Hey..." Jesse whispered as he kiss Kurt's hair again, his head buried deep in the crook of Jesse's neck.

"Jesse...p-plea-"

'_A man who will never choose anything else besides his career, yes?'_

_'Of course.'_

"Ssssh, No. Don't say that word. I'm not going anywhere, I've got you baby." Jesse answered as he reached his cell phone from the coffee table, and that is the first time in his life Kurt saw the one Jesse St. James without any second thought decline that ring tone before turn the cell phone off.

* * *

**AN: two more to go. Again this story is for fun purpose only and not for taken so seriously, I just hope that you'll find this amusing and enjoyable to read...the way I enjoyed to wrote this piece. :)**

**And again reviews are highly appreciated, it's never fails to make me smiles...lots of love for you my reader friends.**

**Oh and for you guys who've been waiting a new chapter from ISYWMBPCD, don't worry it's almost finished, hope that it will be up in a couple of days alright!**


	3. Chapter 3

**AN:** hi guys, thank you so much for all your reviews, it was AWESOME! here is the third part of this story, enjoy!

Disclaimer: own nothing, all the characters belongs to RIB and quotes are belongs to  
celebrities, books and movies references.  
Song: Better if we break by Maroon 5 and Unbelievable by Craig David.

* * *

**- The lies beneath-**

_"Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt  
yourself putting it back together."  
– Unknown Author-_

These past few weeks have been…amazing. Sebastian keep his promise to not look back again and only focused on his husband, like it should be. so he have been showering Blaine with affections, presents and flowers in every chances. Came home early than he used to be just to gave Blaine a surprise dinners.

He let Blaine down once and he will do everything he could think of to try and forget his another life with Kurt, Sebastian really need to figure out who he is. He just need to focus on work and making up for the mistakes he has made there. But not a day has gone by when he haven't missed another side of his life...Kurt. A moment that he wish so much that he could go back in time and take it all back. If he could, he would. He wish he could go back to that moment at the hospital, when he knew he was start to feeling something for him. Now he just need to concentrate on being a good husband and serving his community as a doctor. And he need to make things work with Blaine.

"Why did you do that?"

"Do what?"

"This? Flowers, dinners, gifts, affections, it's too much, what's wrong with you?"

Gulped hard Sebastian then sighed, he knew that sooner or later Blaine will notice there's something, if not for his behavior someone clearly can see there's something hidden behind his green sad eyes, it is something that Sebastian could not hide no matter how hard he tried to cover it, even with his bright faked smile he managed to pull, and although Sebastian hate to think about what it would lead or cause to their relationship, he knew for sure that this thing needs to be done, "Blaine, there's something I need to tell you, can we sit and talk for a moment?"

"Huh?" Tilted his head to the side and watched Sebastian's worried expression nervously, "S-sure, what is it? You make me nervous Seb." Blaine chuckled as he let his arm being lead by Sebastian to the couch.

"I- um, before I tell you, I just want you to know that I care so much about you Blaine. I meant it, I should have just considered myself lucky that someone as good, gorgeous and wonderful as you could even have looked at me, I-"

"You what? Seb?" Blaine frowned as he tilted his head to the side, "You acting weird for over past few weeks, what's that all about Sebastian?"

Sebastian pinched the bridge of his nose, clenching his jaw tightly, trying his best to push all the heavy feeling that build inside his chest, his head spinning, it's so very heavy and he just can't hold anymore longer, he took a deep breath before spoke, "I-I..." Silence, "I...cheated on you."

"What?" Blaine let a strangle breath out, wide eyes staring intensely to his husband.

"I cheated on you." Sebastian repeats as he looked Blaine in the eyes. "I-"

"What? How could you!." Blaine shook his head abruptly.

Sebastian nodded, "yeah, and you have all the right to be mad at me, I'm sorry, He's-"

"So that-that dinners, gifts and all the attentions are some way for you to what? Apology?"

"No!" Sebastian shook his head, "no, it's not that. It just my little attempts to make everything right again. I understand if you mad, you have every right to do that, I-"

"How could you?!"

"I care about you Blaine, a lot. Therefore everything that has happened with him has ended weeks ago for good, because I chose you. I felt like shit because I've been cheated on you, and you have every right to hate me because of that." Sebastian gulped hard, tried to reach Blaine's arm just to be swatted away.

"...I-I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything, if you need some time to think I will give you as long as you need, I just want us to be normal again, as we used to be, I know that it will be hard and maybe it was too much to ask, and I know that maybe you will hate me for the rest of our life, but if you give me a chance, I will make my life a mission to make it up to you, I-"

"No." Blaine cut Sebastian's words.

Sebastian took a deep breath, before nodded his head, "I understand," he ran his hand trough his hair, "if...you want me to go, then I will go right at this moment, I will take some of my stuff an-"

"No. You don't understand. Why do you even think to tell me all this thing, don't you think that it will be more simple and easier for our life if you...I don't know...lie and save it for yourself?!"

"I do, and you have all the right to be mad at me, I know that I've been hurting you in the worst possible way, I know that. But...that matter aside...I just want to be honest with you, Blaine. Whatever it takes, I believe that you deserve all the truth, just so you know that I don't care how bad it is, I just don't want to have any secrets in our marriage." Sebastian smiled a bitterly smile, "so there..." he sighed, shoulders slumped in tiredness, "whatever your decision I will take it."

There's a thickness silence filled the air, Blaine closed his eyes, seemed in a very deep thought, after a few moment that seems to be forever for both of them, "I-I, fuck," Blaine shook his head, stands up abruptly before facing back and forth in the front of his pleading husband, "I don't deserve any of this Sebastian? I'm so sorry."

"What? You're not the one who need to apologize," Sebastian stood up and tilted his head to the side, try to catch Blaine's eyes, "What do you mean? of course you do. You are the most wonderful man I've ever met Blaine, and I'm so sorry for what I-"

Blaine ran his fingers trough his hair, darting his eyes everywhere, still refusing to look Sebastian, "No I don't. I- Sebastian I-"

And _shit_, could Sebastian tell something was off and absolutely wrong, and he knows that it's nothing to do with his confession, "Blaine?" he started, wanting to know what the fuck was going on with his husband. "Is something wrong? I mean, over the past week, you've been moping and crying at random parts of the day? Is everything alright? Blaine?"

"I-I-" Blaine shook his head.

"Blaine. Look. At. Me!" Sebastian said firmly.

After a moment of hesitation Blaine lifted his head to looked at Sebastian in the eyes, their eyes met for a brief moment before Sebastian watched Blaine's eyes slid to his left and he looked..._guilty_.

And right at this moment Sebastian knew so damn well what it meant.

Took a very deep breath, "when?" He closed his eyes and whispered.

"I-"

"Blaine." Sebastian said his husband's name coldly.

"It-it was over a year ago, I'm so sorry Seb, you know, before I went to Paris we got into a fight, and that time you're so busy, we barely talk, seems very distant and I was so lonely, stressed with all my jobs, I needed you so much, and when I finally went to Paris for one of my scenes, and - he just...there..." Blaine said as he dared to looked at his husband, continues when he only saw that Sebastian only stared at him blankly, "t-the second one happened over two months ago, in our business trip to California, and-and there was a party, we're drunk, it was a drunken mistake, I swear nothing happen after that," Blaine let out his words with a shaky breath, pleading with his teary eyes.

"With whom?" he didn't move, or anything while saying his words.

"It's doesn't matter, I don't have any feeling, it just a stupid mistakes Bas."

"I said who's the guy, Blaine?" Sebastian repeated his question more firmly.

"A-Aidan."

"Your manager?" A silence, "do you love him?"

"No! It was a mistake Sebastian. I was drunk, I just felt lonely, it meant nothing! I swear Seb. It doesn't mean anything!"

"Are you sure?"

"Wha-of course, It means nothing to me. I'm sorry Sebastian, I love you."

And then that the word again...love.

_Love?_

Love. That was supposed to mean something. But strangely for Sebastian, now love is just another word. It just some word that can make him think about all the years they spent together. Makes him think about what the word really means. Should that word gave some undeniable or an undoubtful feeling, or should love be the way you feel when you're so close to that special person, love is the way your stomach flips when you see that person, love should means comfort, should be happiness, it should be never let that person you cherish cry.

_Love should never having to say your sorry._

_Means nothing?_

That is the exact word Blaine had told him once, when he asked his best friend why he'd been cheated on Kurt if he always tell him that he loved the guy so much. And until right at this moment Sebastian bet that Blaine hasn't know what the truly answer is. That's why he never believe there're such a thing called love, of course he always think that if people are in deeply in love there will never be a room for mistakes. And after years passed he slowly understand that love is not just about being together, about passions or lust for each other, it was more complicated than what the young Sebastian always thought, love is a strong word to say, it was strong feelings but also vulnerable at the same time, something that can make you feel safe but also can kill you in a heartbeat.

You can always call him a hypocrite because he's not a saint either, but it's nothing to do with cheating it self, that it doesn't matter that it was a stupid mistakes people do once in awhile, because hey, people do _'a lot of mistakes' _but it was more about the reason behind the cheating it self. For Sebastian it was the_ 'means nothing'_ words.

_That words hurts as hell._

Because for him, above the most of all, you betrayed that sacred word with... _nothing_...

Why he felt that it will be much simple for his heart if Blaine has falling in love with someone else.

Because maybe he will have something to justify his reasons for cheating, to say that maybe the other person is better in loving him, that he cares more than he is, that the other person treating him thousands much better than the way he treated him, that he loves him more than he could ever love, that his life will be so much much better if they were together. Maybe it will hurt as shit, but maybe...just maybe it would be more easier to digest, well at least to give your partner something to think, to introspect yourself before finally let your another half one go, because we can, because we simply love them, and because we simply want them to be happy.

But why it was so hard for Sebastian to forgive if it was just a random hook ups, drunken mistake, lonely feelings, carried away that means nothing at all. Because it was apparently more hurt than anything to find out that the sacred word being stabbed by some...meaningless...by nothing.

And what about him? Does it means that he was cheated on his husband, on their three years marriage by some..._'nothing'._

"Fuck Blaine. I-," Sebastian tilted his head to the ceiling, took a deep breath as he felt his knees going limp before slumped down into the couch.

"No! I don't want to hear anything about it. It doesn't matter, it was a stupid mistakes, I was drunk and so was you," Blaine said again with shaky breath as he shook his head again, tears roll down his cheeks, "I don't want to know who he is, and-and can we just call this event, and- can we just forget about this thing and move on?"

Sebastian closed his eyes, damn his heart was hurts as hell, "That's the case Blaine. I'm not."

"What that supposed to mean?"

"I'm fully aware what I'm doing. I don't know if that-that thing happened between us are..." Sebastian pinched the bridge of his nose, "that-what we had is-, _shit!_ The point is, I chose you over him,"

"So? That-that's what supposed to happen right? The right choice, because we're a couple, a married men and-and that is only a phase for us to get trough as husbands? we love each other right? Seb ?!"

"I don't know Blaine. I really don't know anymore."

"Do you? Hate me?"

"No. I lose any right to feel that the moment I cheated on you."

* * *

-ksksks-

The bar hadn't been frequented by many people that night, as he downed his second beer, putting the glass on the bar table when he had drained the dregs from the bottom, a moment later the bartender placed a new bottle in front of Sebastian; he nodded to him gratefully with a little smile on his face, the old man nodded back. "Thanks Gus."

The bartender sighed as he raised his eyebrow. "Bad night, Doc?"

"Like shit." Sebastian let a small smile tug from his lips, his eyes glued to the bottle in front of him, wondering what he have become. "Hey Gus, do you ever cheated on your wife?"

"Huh? Seriously?"

"What? I just want to know, so please...enlighten me." Sebastian shrugged.

"Um- there was a times when we have our temptations, but so far we, well, I am never done that, maybe I don't have a balls to do that."

"You must be love her that much, huh?"

The old man scratched his head, "yeah, when I think about it, I do love her. That's why I chose to stay with her even if I had to listen her yapping voice for over twenty years...every goddamn night."

Sebastian chuckled, "if one day you come home and find out that she was cheating with another man, what would you do?"

"That is quite impossible, no one will stand her mouth," Gus let a small chuckle out, "but seriously, if that ever happen, I will cut the man's dick off and hang his balls in that wall," Gus nodded his head, pointing his finger to one side of the bar wall.

"Do you will take her back?"

The older man hummed, lips turned into a tight line, "the truth is, I don't know,"

"Even if that just one single drunken mistake?"

"Well, relationships in particular, or marriage especially. Is not just about commitment young man. It's about trust, it will never worked if there no trust in your relationship, drunken or no, if you can't trust your partner anymore, or most importantly if you can't trust yourself when _you're_ facing your own demon, I personally think that it would never work."

"My own demon, huh?"

"As shit as it sound, doc."

"Who's ever thought that being in a relationships is like being caught in a war, huh? And they say that love is simple?"

The old man chuckled as he shook his head before turned his body to grab another bottle for another man on his far left side. Sebastian sighed, eyes back to the bottle in front of him, and the cigarette in his another hand, the cold bottle in his hands helps to bring him back to the present and numb the thousand thoughts, memories and a thousand regrets. But the truth is he knew that he will never truly forgot. No matter how drunk he was, or how many cigarettes he smoked, the memory was still in the back of his mind. The alcohol numbed it, but it never disappeared completely. But feeling numb, was way so much better than feeling it self.

For the first time on his life that he felt like an utter crap. His heart hurts till the roots. His body was hot with anger and run down to his spine, a boiled feeling on his stomach burned him throughout his body.

The door clicked as the man came into the bar, spread his gazes he spotted his friend sitting at the bar, looking dejectedly at the drink in front of him. He quickly made his way over.

"Are you all right man?"

"I'm not sure I ever have been," Sebastian whispered softly, the only trace of emotion in his voice is pain.

"He called me and told me everything, are you mad at him?" Hunter asked as he sit on the stool beside his best friend.

"I don't know." Sebastian answered simply, not even bother to take a glance, grimacing after swallowed a big gulp of his beer, feel the liquid burned as it slid down his throat.

"At the man who he was cheating with?" Hunter said again as he nodded his head to the bartender and asked for some beer.

"I don't think so." He said again as he took his beer, put the bottle on his lips and taking a swig of the beer.

That's the truth...He have no idea what he supposed to be saying or doing right now. He have no idea how he supposed to feel. Does he mad at Blaine? At Aidan? He doesn't think so, angry because they had cheated on him? The weird thing is he doesn't think so either, because like what he said before to Blaine that he already loose his right to be angry as a husband the moment he kiss..._Kurt_.

"Kurt..." Sebastian whispered, almost inaudible for anyone to hear, why the moment he let that name out of his lips Sebastian's heart suddenly felt much heavier, like all the feeling inside burst into a flame and burned him from the inside.

Maybe that's the whole thing about, Kurt...that the anger was meant to himself, to his decision about...Kurt. He hate the person he have become. He didn't even see it happening but somewhere along the way the moment he met that beautiful man, he had lost his identity. He don't know who he is anymore.

"Come on Seb. Give him a chance, he doesn't mean it. It was meant nothing. That was just a drunken mistake, beside you said it yourself that you had cheated on him too."

"That's the point Hunter." Sebastian closed his eyes, "I'm hurting inside, call me crazy but the weird thing is I was more angry to the reasons, that he cheated on me not because of an attraction, not because he has a feeling toward that man, not because of the only cause that I can tolerate and forgive him, the only cause of what people called as...love...but yet it was nothing." Sebastian sighed as he lifted his now empty bottle to the bartender so he can get another one. "If one day he come to me and say that he has found some guy he falling in love with, and want to be with him because that guy can make him happy, then I will divorce him with a smile covering my face, because I care about him that much, I want him to be happy with everything in his life. Yet he cheated on me, on our three years marriage just because a lonely feeling, a couple of drinks and for what? all of that means nothing...just...a meaningless sex. And about me cheating  
on him, I don't know how it has become like this, but it will be so much easier if he just release his anger to me, yell at me, hit me or anything."

"Cheating? Does it means that you love him?" Hunter asked as he turned his body around so he can face Sebastian, "the other man I mean?." He said again the moment he saw Sebastian's questioning gaze.

Sebastian gulped, closed his eyes as his mind wondered to the beautiful man whose smile always made his heart leap a beat every time he saw it, bailed his fist till the knuckles turn white, "I-I- he-"

Humming in acknowledgement when he saw Sebastian's face, Hunter nods his head. "Don't have to answer." Hunter cut him off, "forget what I'd said earlier and get a divorce."

"What? It's not that simple! Why you even suggested that to me?" Sebastian opened his eyes turned his head and asked incredulously. "_Shit_! how come it become so complicated. Blaine needed me, he love me so damn much, I can't do that to him. _I've left_ him for Blaine. I've chosen to end whatever has happened between us for Blaine, I just want us to be normal again."

"Normal?" Hunter chuckled before take a sip of his beer, "and what do you mean by complicated? Does it mean that it will be so much simple if Blaine never cheated on you? to the fact that you'll more in ease to ask for his forgiveness for the rest of your life? That you will burst your ass to make everything as normal as possible again? As you guys used to be? Or to the fact that you started to doubt your decision by dumping that man because apparently the man you chose is cheated on you? It doesn't matter if you chose Blaine over him, it doesn't matter if Blaine was cheated on you or not, the fact is...it just a matter of time before you realize the difference of what you have for Blaine and for the other man,"

"So what? Just get real, do you want me to leave Blaine alone with a broken heart while I was being happy fucking another man's ass?" Sebastian snapped.

"_Shit_ Sebastian, never crossed in my mind that I have to tell you this, you're the only person who can make me talk like this. Ju-" Hunter sighed, "life is a choice Seb. I don't think it was even about them. I think it was about your own dissatisfaction with yourself, trying to hide away from your fear, being terrified that if you chose the different path, if you chose him over Blaine you will end up being alone. And they didn't deserve it! You're the one who said that if Blaine the one who said that he had found someone he falling in love with, you will be happy to release him, because you care about him that much. As bullshit as it sound, because love is something that not everyone had experienced. It was a blessing for few people who has the opportunity to feel it and a very lucky ones that has a chance to be shared, to be with the one they loved. And if you now have it and has a chance to embrace it, you my friend is one hell of a lucky bastard."

* * *

**- Chances -**

_"You can close your eyes to the things you don't want to see, but you can't close your heart to the things you don't want to feel."  
- Johnny Depp-_

"Okay, we need to make this as good as posib-" the handsome man's voice heavy with authority filled the room.

He was about to put the report down when the double doors to the meeting office flew open with a loud bang, revealing a beautiful Latina emerged with her hands on her hips and a stern look plastered on her beautiful face. "I need to talk to you?"

"I'm so sorry Sir. This woman ju-" a petite woman dressed in grey dress with a worried expression appeared and grabbed Santana's hand.

"Move your hand from me, before I bitch slap you to Dubai woman." Santana glared, causing the woman shrank in horror as those around the table's attention were now diverted to this mysterious woman in the doorway.

Waved his hand to dismiss his secretary "I'm in the middle of a meeting, Satan."

"So?" She says absentmindedly.

Leaned his body to the back of his chair the man rose one of his artfully eyebrow in question,"as important as it is, may I know what exactly do you want till I got this honor of your presence?"

"One word Benedict..._Hummel_."

The handsome male frowned as he pursed his lips, watches her for a moment, thinking before nods to his people, "_dismiss_." He said firmly. "Do tell?" He finally spoke when all of his people has left the room.

"Do you love him?" Santana started.

"I beg you pardon?"

"Don't give me shit Dumpty. I'm not a blind bitch St. James, I can see how you looked at our Porcelain, I know goddamn well what it meant, not even that Wannabe Diva from hell Berry ever got that stares, just for once ask yourself before you give me an answer." Santana said sternly as she took her seat on the edge of the desk and crossed her arms over her chest.

"And why in the world that I need to tell you all of this, Santana?"

"Simple, it's only need three words..._Your. Last. Chance_."

Who doesn't know the one Jesse St. James, the former star of Vocal Adrenaline, even since he was on high school with all his magnificent achievement Jesse already had full ride in NYADA and graduated at the top of his class, he was a stunning star with multiple talents who had been a star on Broadway as his destiny before chose to retire when he got an accident on the backstage, felt his moves will never be perfect again he turned his path to just sit behind the screen, with his iron hands his social status becomes one of the best as one of the most respected producer in the US. An extraordinary man with load of talents and achievement, a man who demands a perfection in every aspect of his life.

_And Hummel?_

Of course he having heard about this McKinley countertenor from his Glee club informant once. And when he went for spying, he himself found out that Hummel is indeed one of a kind, has one of a hell high standards, brutally honest and has a quick temper, the 'sarcastic man' who spent his time making a snarky comments about everything, an irritating and self-important man, just from the beginning everything about Kurt Hummel had rubbed Jesse's ego the wrong way.

But when faith had brought them again to met in New York six years ago, he also had learned that Hummel was an outstanding person, has unique personality, smart, very humble and always put himself aside before his friends, he was good at singing (Jesse had to admit that- and Jesse St. James never has to admit anything to anyone, ever), tough and very good at taking disappointment, at making a new friends, and would've been more interesting if they throw in some debauchery. The only person who can kick Jesse's ass back with his quick witty replies (not that he will admit that to anyone) and always stared at him right in the eyes when he did that. And it always brought a triumphant grin to Jesse's face when Hummel bitching at him, and glared at him with that fiery eyes, and most of all he is a true compassionate and a hard worker person, a man who will never give up until he got all of his dreams...all about Kurt is fascinating.

And God know that he will do anything to see that passion and fire in those beautiful eyes in every moments of his life, and he wants to be the first man to see his beautiful face in every morning when he awoke from his sleep.

Does it means that he's gay?

Everyone thought that Jesse St. James as a complicated man. But the truth is...he is the most simple person in the world and one thing that he will admit to himself that he must agree of what other people said about him, that Jesse St. James that is a matter of fact is a perfectionist bastard, he loved perfection in every aspects of his life, so that includes the short list of -with whom he will befriend and hang out with, a small group of people who's worth his time'. He never do labels, for him that doesn't really matter, but everyone should know, that he can see someone trough his exterior, he will know when he finds a true beauty- inside and out- and he will always respect and appreciate someone who have incredible talent, male or female.

And for Jesse St. James perfection only means one thing..._Kurt_.

"...I do."

* * *

**- Chosen path -**

_"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."  
– Marilyn Monroe-_

Slammed the door closed and collapsed onto his bed. He lay facing the ceiling and cried. The tears came and never stopping. He didn't move for over an hour.

Sebastian Smythe cried for the first time in years.

**- Ten hours before-**

It's been a couple days since Sebastian left his apartment, a couple of days for Sebastian to run from the reality, although it was useless, but at least in here he can cooling down even for just a mere second, because right now he can't think or was capable in feeling anything beside a stab of pain in his heart, of what? He himself can't figure it out. It was a Sunday morning in Hunter's apartment when Sebastian's cell phone rang, his husband name's appears on the screen when he took his cell out from his pocket. After five continues ring Sebastian sighed as he slid the lock and pushed the screen before put his phone tightly in his ear.

There's a long silence before the man from another side spoke, "today is Kurt's birthday." Blaine whispered from another line.

"What?"

"Today is Kurt's birthday." Blaine repeated, "listen Seb. Can we hold of whatever between us right now for just one night and go to his party, I don't care if you don't want to see me, but can we at least be civil and attend his party as a partner because he called me and asked me to come with you."

"I don't know Blaine."

"Please Seb. I owe him. "

A silence as Sebastian bit his lower lip, "so do I." Sebastian whispered more to himself as it was inaudible for Blaine to hear.

* * *

-ksksks-

Today was his birthday but he really didn't want to do anything at all aside than just to curl up on his bed, with a hot chocolate in hand and maybe watching the sappiest movie he can find. But he can't call that girl Santana Lopez if he has the ability to ask the beautiful Latina to not do anything, by simply saying...

_"You should know by now that I never listen to anything that involves a negative commands such as 'Don't,' or 'can't' or any other fucking things like that. I do what I want, boss. So just take it and thank me latter."_

So he only can shook his head at his friend attitude and has sternly told his friends, "No surprises." If there's a party then he just wanted to have a small and a very intimate dinner with his closest friends and family, "nothing fancy" he added firmly. He never know why but this year as like another years before, he still doesn't have any reasons to be truly happy on his own b-day, of course there's always be something to celebrate, but as years passed, and this year clearly has no exception, that this day only reminded him about how lonely he is.

Sad isn't it, but that's how he felt.

So there he is, standing in his living room surrounded by a bunch of his closest friends and family as they passed him small, colourfully wrapped presents. But it was kind of fun actually. That girl know what she was doing and he made a mental note that in a matter a fact. Yes, he needed to thank her latter. And buy her some nice present for her birthday. She even managed to flew all his entire family from Ohio just for his birthday, and the sight of his dad, Carole and Finn smiling at him right at this moment really has become the only thing that makes his genuine smile plastered on his tired face.

The room it self has been decorated as beautiful as she can without being too much, there's candles sprawled everywherebin now slightly dimmed room, and then suddenly Santana stormed in with a beautiful embellished cake with a lot of candles spreads all over the surface. It was simple white cake with chocolate frosting surrounding it. Everyone cheered and instantly gathered around the birthday man before singing Happy Birthday to him. When they finally finished singing, Finn yelled 'make a wish and blow the candles out already!' They cheered more louder when he did.

_But something what happened afterwards turned everything on his life upside down._

They were in the middle of enjoying their meals when Rachel and her big mouth suddenly shouted, _"Kurt sing us a song"_ and Kurt's eyes went wide, but his family was urging him up. And even he wants to say no so badly, but their faces is the one who makes he slowly made his way through the center of the room.

Closing his eyes, Kurt sighed. He really not in the mood to sing any song. Hell, he even can't think any single song right at that moment, his brain and heart still numbed. So he just took a deep breath and sang the only thing that cross into his brain at that moment.

"I never knew perfection till  
I heard you speak, and now it kills me  
Just to hear you say the simple things  
Now waking up is hard to do  
And sleeping is impossible too  
Everything is reminding me of you  
What can I do?"

"It's not right, not OK  
Say the words that you say  
Maybe we're better off this way?  
I'm not fine, I'm in pain  
It's harder everyday  
Maybe we're better off this way?  
It's better that we break…"

Jesse gazes at him across the room, the man was truly beautiful, an embodiment of perfection; dressed in dark red button up shirt with skinny black tie, sat in the armrest of the couch singing with all his heart. Eyes with full of sadness if Jesse can tell.

"A fool to let you slip away  
I chase you just to hear you say  
You're scared and that you think that I'm insane"

"The city look so nice from here  
Pity I can't see it clearly  
While you're standing there, it disappears  
It disappears"

"It's not right, not OK  
Say the word it should say  
Maybe we're better off this way?  
I'm not fine, I'm in pain  
It's harder everyday  
Maybe we're better off this way?  
It's better that we break"

A single tear roll down his face, and he quickly wiped that away, closed his eyes again as he tried his best to hold anything that build inside his chest, his heart is heavy, his head was spinning, and there's nothing he can do about it, so he just keep singing.

"Saw you sitting all alone  
You're fragile and you're cold, but that's all right  
Life these days is getting rough  
They've knocked you down and beat you up  
But it's just a rollercoaster anyway, yeah"

"It's not right, not OK  
Say the words that you say  
Maybe we're better off this way?  
I'm not fine, I'm in pain  
It's harder everyday  
Maybe we're better off this way?"

"I'm not fine, not OK  
Say the words that you say  
Maybe we're better off this way?"

"I'm not fine, I'm in pain  
It's harder everyday  
Maybe we're better off this way?  
It's better that we break, baby"

The song finally ended, all the guests clapped their hands in amazement, the birthday man smiled as he nodded in appreciate and smiled broadly, and it didn't go unnoticed by Jesse, a smile which didn't reached his empty eyes.

Sighed the handsome male stood up from where he sat when some girl who claimed as the new star of Broadway started to rambling about something like talents and famous and she will sing for everyone in that room as a present...or something like that as he is half-heartedly listening, because he doesn't really cared. He exudes a calm confidence as he excused himself from their friends. He walks over to middle of the room finally sees his opportunity.

"Rachel." as he cuts her off from whatever she was talking about, "one more minute and you will makes us die from boredom or an exploding eardrums, we all know no matter how hard you try, you will never as good as _me_, now _shush_ and excuse me, please." As he walks up to the front of the room as he grabs Kurt's hand briefly on the process.

"Wha-" Rachel shrieked and stared the man with wide eyes and mouth hang open. While Santana smiled broadly, and mouthed "that's why I love the one Jesse St. James."

Kurt made his way to where his father sat and hugged the old man, after a moment he could hear everyone's clapping, his eyes scanned the room only to see his...? What lover, fuck buddy...? he really can't tell anymore, smiling at him and sit on the piano bench.

"What a cheerful song to sing at your birthday, Hummel. Jeez, I wonder what song you will sing at my funeral." Jesse said jokingly and everyone chuckled, Kurt rolled his eyes before let his quick remark answer out, "I don't know, maybe I will cry before sing some song from U2 about world peace or something like that," Kurt said with his bitch diva expression playfully, and once more the room burst into laughing, Jesse rose one of his eyebrow at the reply, but his lips smiling, he winked to the slender male as pulled up his sleeves.

"At least you will cry for me." Jesse said again, and Kurt's heart gave a small thud at that.

"Now, if you all excuse me." He gave Kurt one more smile before starting to play the piano.

"Always said I would know where to find love,  
Always thought I'd be ready and strong enough,  
But some times I just felt I could give up.  
But you came and you changed my whole world now,  
I'm somewhere I've never been before.  
Now I see, what love means."

Jesse closed his eyes, as his talented fingers playing with the keys, his features was calm as usual, his voice was light but beautiful as ever, Jesse has always been a good singer, he always managed to pull every single song seem to be much better when he sang it, and clearly this night is no exception. _Damn_ that bastard and his talents.

"It's so unbelievable,  
And I don't want to let it go,  
Something so beautiful,  
Flowing down like a waterfall.  
I feel like you've always been,  
Forever a part of me.  
And it's so unbelievable to finally be in love,  
Somewhere I'd never thought I'd be."

Jesse finally opened his eyes, a smile tugged on his handsome face, he lifted his eyes from his fingers to looked at the man sitting not far away of him. There's something different about Jesse this night, but he can't figure it out, and the way he sings the song was more passionate than ever, the way he looked at him in the eyes made chill run down his spine.

"In my heart, in my head, it's so clear now,  
Hold my hand you've got nothing to fear now,  
I was lost and you've rescued me some how-.  
I'm alive, I'm in love you complete me,  
And I've never been here before.  
Now I see, what love means."

"When I think of what I have, and this chance I nearly lost,  
I cant help but break down, and cry.  
Oh yeah, break down and cry."

"Now I see, what love means."

The song finally ended, the guests beamed and start clapping their hands as the famous producer bent his a body a little to take a bow and smiles smugly. Kurt chuckled as he shook his head.

Jesse's smile was broad, he nodded to all the praises directed at him before waving his hand lightly, a sign that he want to say something, the cheers slowly died down, as the taller male cleared his throat, "Hello, everyone. For the one who don't know me, which that impossible because I'm famous." He said jokingly and earned some 'wooo' sound came from Kurt's friends which suspiciously sounded like Santana, Finn and Rachel. And an eye roll from a couple of guests, he chuckled before spoke again, " I realize that you're enjoying your time now , but I hope you don't mind for a bit of intermezzo here?" There were some whoops of agreement, so he continued. "I just want to say something to the birthday boy here, the one Mr. Kurt Hummel,"

Kurt felt his face flush a bright red as everyone looked at his direction. "I will make this as fast as I can, so Kurt. Would you mind to coming up here?" The handsome man asked. Kurt's eyes went wide before looked at the man suspiciously, but his family and friends was urging him up. So he slowly made his way through the front, feeling the entire room's gaze on him. His heart was beating quickly as he made his way into the spotlight.

Jesse was smiling when he reached him, he then took Kurt's hand and kissed his knuckles before turned his body to face him, "Kurt Elizabeth Hummel. Its Jesse St. James here, so therefor will you have this honor to unbelievably one of a life time chance to be my h-"

"Seriously St. James!" Rachel shrieked as disbelief definitely coloring her tone, and Santana rolled her eyes in annoyance.

"What?! Alright-alright...sorry I'm joking, let me start from the beginning again..._Jeez_..."

"Did...you just say sorry?" Santana asks, blinking at him. "I didn't think you even knew that word."

"Don't get used to it." he replies, smirked evilly. "Now do you all want me to continue or no?" Jesse rose one of his artfully eyebrow before continues when all the people instantly closing their mouth tightly, more intriguing to find out about the scene in front of them.

For Sebastian, most of the night was a blur. He sat in one of the corner of the room with Blaine not so far away from him and intently studying the host from afar as the minutes tick by. He spotted him almost as soon as he walked into the room; _his_ presence in that room was almost tangible. The air in the room became thicker; sounds became muffled because all he could hear was the sound of his own heart beating. Kurt's eyes were blank even when the first he spotted him on the crowd before greeted them with half- hearted smile. The look of sadness in those eyes is annoying him more than anything in his life.

He hadn't seemed happy, not that they had spoken in weeks. No, truth be told they hadn't exchanged a word since he told him that he was '_done_', even all the doctor's appointment has been canceled. He didn't want to believe that they were really over, but he knew in his heart that day in this same apartment he had sealed the deal. They were done. He had moved on even when those used to be bright eyes is no longer sparkling with passions. He was broken out of his daydream when suddenly...

"It was over fifteen years ago, when the first time I saw you in McKinley hallway, and when the first time I heard you sing, as irritating as it sounds that time, I must admit that I had lost my ability to speak. Hell, not even Shelby Corcoran had achieved that honor, so that means something Hummel. Because Jesse St. James doesn't do speechless, _ever_. And then as the faith has brought us to met again in that small coffee shop, do you remember?" Smiled when he saw Kurt smiled and blushing adorably, "Six years...you've spent your whole life running and all you've done is run farther away from the love that's been waiting for you all along. The first time you smiled at me in that coffee shop you had my undivided attention. I loved it when you got all bitch queen on me. Loved when you rose one of your eyebrow every time you think of something to kick my ass back when we throw in some debauchery, or when you scrunch up your nose everytime you got irritated by me. When you laugh, I want to laugh with you. When you cry, I want to be the one to hold you. When you said that you might like me a little," rolled his eyes when everyone in the room chuckled, "you highjacked my heart forever. They say that love is the condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own. Your happiness is what I will spend the rest of my life striving to give you." There a silence for a moment as Jesse smiling warmly and his eyes softened, "I love you so much Kurt Elizabeth Hummel. So will you do the honor of marrying me?"

And then Sebastian saw a man on bended knee.

In the middle of the room, in front of the one _Kurt Hummel_.

The smile on his face is one of utter joy as he kneels in front of the one Kurt Hummel, and Sebastian can see in Jesse's face the desire he has _to do all of this_ for his ex-lovers, the desire to do anything for Kurt. The man who now took a closed black velvet box from his pocket before opened the lids.

Presenting him a simple yet very beautiful platinum ring.

Looking up adoringly at the only person who ever loved Sebastian Smythe.

Kurt's perfect profile was facing Jesse. Sebastian could practically see everything that transpired in his demeanor, his beautiful eyes was bright and wide open, smooth silken lips gaping in disbelief.

One smooth movement when his eyes traveled to his surrounding before landed at his direction as their gazed locked for mere second, a glaszed eyes with unreadable glint met the green ones, for a second Sebastian thought that he saw the fire back on that beautiful eyes.

And right at that moment Sebastian knew exactly what Kurt's answer would be.

That was the last thing he could think before running out of the apartment, unnoticed by the party-goers who were too engrossed in the perfect moment unraveling in front of them.

The only two people who realized he left were Santana and his husband.

People says that men aren't supposed to cry. But this one does.

* * *

**-The path-**

_"Love is of all passions the strongest, for it attacks simultaneously the head, the heart, and the senses."  
– Lao Tzu-_

And that's when Sebastian found himself in front of his apartment, his knuckles are hovering in front of it, hesitant and cautious and a part of him know if he knocks, there's no go backs.

But he has nothing to lose tho. The worst he can do is tell him that he doesn't want him here, and then he'll be gone forever. The matter would end there, simple as that. He closes his eyes trailing his fingers across the wood of the door, imagining what could be behind it. He's been here a number of times in the past. He knows what the living room looks like, knows the feel of the couch beneath his body.

He remembers different times and moments he spent in that closed apartment door, tear roll down his eyes and the handsome doctor leant his head to the cool surface, his heart felt so damn heavy but his brain would not let him in peace, there's why he spent over twenty minutes before finally knocked the door.

"Why did you do that?" Sebastian asked the moment the door being opened.

"Did what?" Kurt not even bother to hide his shocked face when he saw the man in front of him, the man was nothing than a mess (literally) his face is tired, there's bags under the lids, his hair stuck out in every direction, each strand was rebelling against the other because he was too much running his fingers trough his hair.

"Accepting his proposal? did you even love him?" Sebastian asked again tiredly, stepped inside without invitation.

"Oh please Sebastian. Now you're talking about a _fucking love_?!" Kurt let a sarcastic chuckled out as he slammed the door shut.

"Just answer me Kurt!" Sebastian snapped, eyes full of rage and pain as he stood in front of the beautiful man.

"What do you mean, Bas! you know what the fucking answer!" Kurt shook his head, snapped angrily as he stormed out the room to his living room, Sebastian followed not long after.

"So why did you do that?!" Sebastian shouted back, his chest raising and falling rapidly, breathe heavily.

Kurt stared the man incredulously, chuckled in a mocking tone, "what, accepting him?!" He pushed, "So what do you think I should do after I got dumped by the man that I love so much, the love of my life, huh?! Do you think that I should mourn over you, let my eyes out every goddamn night!,"

"Kurt..."

"_Don't Kurt me!_" With that Kurt stood up from where he was sitting before in intend to go away but he turned one more time to looked at the man he love so much. "Things change Sebastian. Over all those fucking years I have been let down by anything I dreamed in my life, or lost every person that I care about but you know what? I survived, I wanted to run but that never gonna happen, I stayed. I don't need your bullshit anymore, I need to move on, you're the one who told me so, you don't need to know how I do it, that's my problem, now you can relax and doesn't need to think about me anymore, just go happy with your chosen one, Bas!"

Sebastian thought that never in his life that he will get the chance to actually feel it, less to saying that words out loud...

"Kurt, I- I...love you, I'm so fucking in love with you!" Sebastian stood up in an instant and yanked Kurt's arm so the pale man now flushed against his chest, holding him tight like a dear life, Sebastian snuggled his head around the crook of Kurt's neck.

"What?" Kurt whispered after a moment of silence, hesitation and confuse driving his question.

"I love you."

"Y-you love me?"

"Oh God yes, I love you so so much."

"I-"

"I-I leave him, I-, _dammit_ Kurt, I'll get divorce,"

"Bas-"

"No. Just listen to me, I leave him, fuck. I love you baby, and-and-...Just-Just...let's get out of here and get married."

* * *

**-The Wedding-**

_"It was a million tiny little things that, when you added them all up, they meant we were supposed to be together… and I knew it."  
– Tom Hanks, Sleepless In Seattle-_

What people doesn't know about Sebastian Smythe is when the first time he felt -of what people called 'a _spark_'-...you know, when all those chick -flick movies, or fucking crap who always said that when you meet the '_one_' you will know, and when your eyes meet you will feel a leap of heartbeat and bla...bla...fucking bla...

As bullshit at it sound, no one ever know that Sebastian had his own experience of -the '_sparks_' and yet a love from the first sight.

But oh yes he does...

One day, in his high school years, in a coffee shop in Lima, a day when a sixteen year old Sebastian Smythe met a guy with the most beautiful eyes he'd ever seen on his entire life, and a mere second when those blue-green-with slight of grey met his, it had took his soul right then and there.

A tingling feeling that spread like a wildfire throughout his body, cold run down his spine and boy it had scared the shit Sebastian out.

And something that people doesn't know about why Sebastian Smythe had acting like a dickhead over that person back then? The answer is simple...

_Love_...

His greatest fear of all.

So he just try his best to cover that up with the only thing he know best...

_Hatred_.

It was indeed a very beautiful day for a wedding. The sun was clear with a golden color as the unclouded sky showed a dazzling blue color, the air was warm without being hot, it was perfect.

A white carpet above a brick walkways lead its way to a mahogany wooden deck with a gorgeous gazebo and various white flowers throughout the venue, it was small but cozy but also very intimate for outdoor wedding activity.

The wedding is due to start in 15 minutes, he catch a glimspe of Finn Hudson, Noah Puckerman and Sam Evans; looked handsome in their brand new white tuxedos as Rachel, Santana and Tina looked beautiful in a simple plain grey silk dresses, their hair was placed up in an elegant bun upon their heads.

The minister, Father Charles, stands up and signals the organ player to begin the wedding march. All the guests were quiet as the little flower girl progressed up the isle to where the nervous man stood on the altar, before Finn and Rachel as Best Man and Maid of Honor, and all girls picked up their flowers and made their way into the long beautiful path. The music switches to the song that the couple had chosen for their wedding, "Come Away with Me - Norah Jones". Everyone stands up and the taller man watched the man he loved so much in his gorgeous custom made grey suits on the arm of his father walking down the aisle with beautiful smile plastered on their face.

"This commitment symbolizes the intimate sharing of two lives and still enhances the individuality of each of you." The preacher begins the moment Burt took his place, The smaller man looked at his soon-to-be husband as small tears glistening in his glaszed eyes. The preacher turned to look at the man.

"Kurt Elizabeth Hummel, do you take this young man to be your husband? Do you promise to love him, comfort him, honor and keep him in sickness and in health, remaining faithful to him as long as you both shall live?" The preacher asked as he smiled warmly.

Kurt nodded, and let out a shaky voice, "I do."

_The ivory skinned man closed his eyes now, tried his best to not let his wall down, "...and I'm engaged now..., goodbye Sebastian." With that Kurt releasing himself from Sebastian's grip and walked away._

"Jesse St. James, do you take Kurt to be your husband? Do you promise to love him, comfort him, honor and keep him in sickness and in health, remaining faithful to him as long as you both shall live?" Turned his head to the other side, the preacher asked again.

Jesse nodded and smiled happily, "I do."

"We could have been together," Sebastian whispered trough his gritted teeth, he know dam well that they could have. He hated the fact that he was too late, that he was so stupid to let him get away from his life, its just not fair that he didn't realize it...or maybe he's the one who didn't want to acknowledge it?

And all of that go unnoticed until Blaine had shown him the true meaning of love.

Until engagement ring was on Kurt's finger.

And now he was sat in this fucking beautiful place trough his wedding day.

And the most of all Sebastian hated of why Kurt didn't see him choked a strangled breath when the words '_I do_' came out from that beautiful lips. And when the time comes for Kurt to kiss his husband, Sebastian excused himself abruptly yet managed to do it silently, but only makes it about halfway across the empty yard before he finds himself puking in some bushes, a single tear managing to escape and run down his cheek.

* * *

AN: Angst all the way! Yesh! Hope that you all like it, last chapter will be up soon okay, don't forget to review because it never fails to make me smile...lots of love for you all my lovely reader friends..xoxo


	4. Chapter 4

**I'm so sorry for the long wait, I don't have any muse lately, and lying in hospital bed for days not helping at all, but here it goes, the last installment for this story, enjoy my awesome friends!**

**Warning**: shitload of cuss words and angst, smut (like usual, because it's me guys :P)

Disclaimer: own nothing beside my perverted brain to write kurtbastian porn, all the characters belongs to RIB and quotes are belongs to celebrities, books and movies references.

Song: You're beautiful by James Blunt (I changed some of the lyrics for the sake of the story).

Someone like you by Adele.

* * *

**-Happiness-**

_"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."_

_– Marilyn Monroe-_

The light from the expensive chandelier gently bathing the party guests in a soft beautiful glowing light, a very various guests; families, friends as well as producers, singers, a very famous faces known as celebrities in their fancy wedding attire were mingled into one and scattered around the room, some at tables, some on the dance floor, some standing and talking to each other animatedly with champagne in their hands, some eating their finger food gracefully from their plates.

A slender man leaning against the bar with a glass of whiskey in his hand, frowned he looked across the room and sighed before tugging at the restrictive collar of the shirt he was wearing for the night, a custom made suits he made only for his after wedding party, it was a simple black suits tailored perfectly to his long, lean body, with an off white shirt with dark grey silk tie but nevertheless not less beautiful than the suits he wore at the ceremony. His mind wondered to the main event that had happened a few hours before, a time when he thought no one noticed that he saw out off the corner of his eyes when a particular guest stood up from his seat before stormed out abruptly as he kissed Jesse for the first time as his husband.

_God that hurt like hell._

He knew that if Sebastian had spoken up sooner, if Sebastian just let his heart open and knock his apartment door just one day before the proposal, before Jesse put the beautiful engagement ring on his finger, then maybe today would have been his wedding to Sebastian. Instead he had been too angry at his behavior, although he had been understand all of the shit Sebastian had rubbed on his face about his decision, a little part of his heart knew so damn well that it was the only and best decision he had to take for their sakes, but another part of his heart; the selfish one that loved that man so much can't accept every single words he says that night that he had been spiteful...angry. So instead of marrying the love of life he was Mr. Kurt Hummel-St. James now.

_Hummel-St. James._

He doesn't really think there's any type of attachment he feels towards that man. Of course he like Jesse, like really...really liked him, and maybe he loved being around him, but the truth is that there is no feeling of compassion in him toward the man standing across the room.

_There never was, in all honesty._

And he wanted to slap himself for that, he has no right to do that on Jesse, because no matter how he can be an asshole and dickhead at time, Jesse is still a man, a best friend, a lover and a human, but above all that...Jesse is his husband now. But on the other hand, he really did not know what else he had to do to forget all the mixed up feeling that build inside his heart, the feeling of need to survive, to become a heartless Kurt one more time nearly overwhelmed him, so the only think he knew and the only thing that seemed so reasonable that time was...to accept his proposal.

And he became aware that he has been in the state when he really has become someone who's worse than the king of assholeness itself.

_Way to go Hummel._

He shook his head, grimacing after swallowed a big gulp of his drink, trying to push away all the thought and the complicated feelings that came with it immediately when the man in question turned his head from the conversation he had with his colleague to looked at him and smiled, _damn_, he was so dizzy right now, but he blamed all the thing to the alcohol. Kurt smiled back as he tried to push all the uneasy feeling he kept inside his heart away when he saw the familiar figure excused himself from his conversation and moving towards his direction, his face was strong and perfect under the dim light, his hair was artfully styled as usual...perfect as ever (even the one Kurt Hummel has to admit that) and the most of all his hazel eyes sparkled with something that looks like -as he thought as..._happiness_.

Jesse St. James with happiness...that was something _unusual_.

He was gorgeous, his husband is indeed a very attractive man, it shouldn't be too hard to falling in love with him, right? He let a shaky breath as he watched his husband walking to his direction, dressed in a suits paired with the one he wore tonight. "Hey there," Jesse began to say, and then their eyes met and locked.

"Hi." Kurt smiled.

Jesse pursed his lips, "How does it feel to be Mr. Kurt Hummel-St. James?" He asked with full of curiosity, pushed Kurt's tights open so the man can slipped between his legs and took a step closer, flushed against Kurt's chest, wrapping his hands over his slender waist rather possessively, face inches apart.

Kurt rolled his eyes, "splendid." He said nonchalantly as he put his hands over Jesse's broad shoulder.

"Mmmh, I thought so." Jesse said jokingly, but not in the slightest Kurt saw a smug glint crossed on his happy eyes.

Kurt chuckled as he shook his head, "well of course." He said again sarcastically, "but when I think about it, does it means that I should feel honored because as long as I know that the one and only Mr. Jesse St. James is a man who demands a perfection in every aspect of his life, so..."Kurt lowered his voice as he took one step closer to his husband, slender finger brushed Jesse's jaw down till it rested around his neck, "...does it means that I'm perfect in your eyes St. James?" Kurt asked and nothing but purred, sending chill runs down Jesse's spine.

"Why Mr. Hummel-St. James, I didn't know that you can be so... narcissistic." Jesse said slowly, leaned forward to kiss Kurt's jaw. "Hummel-St. James, sounds good isn't it?"

"Mmmh...not bad." Kurt let a small moan as Jesse nipped his pulse point, "and you should know by now that I've learned from the best. Oh my, we've been married for what? A couple of hours and I already contaminated by your assholeness."

Jesse hummed in agreement, "Indeed, but to answer your question, yes...yes you are...perfect in any kind of ways in my eyes." Jesse tilted his head ad looked at the man in front of him, a serious expression can be seen.

"...Jesse."

"You are the most perfect human for me, and I will do anything for you Kurt...anything."

Kurt gasped, bit his lip for a moment before he spoke "if fifteen years ago you said something so lamely cheesy shit like that, I will bet all my designer clothes that half the people in this room will turn around and beat your ass in second because they will sure as hell that this is only a part of your evil schemes before you make a scramble egg on my head." He said jokingly, although deep down he knew that Jesse was serious and he will deny that it has made his heart leap a heartbeat.

Jesse snorted, "damn, you guys will never let that one go. Do you? although I must admit it to you that maybe my cheesy line has something to do with my other evil scheme, " Jesse said as he rose one of his eyebrow.

"And what is that? Marrying me, break my heart till I can't function properly anymore before screwing my designer house so you can spread your lack of fashion taste all over the world by change the fabulous fashion choice to double denim and graphic tees?"

And Jesse barked a loud laugh at that, earning a curious glances from the party-goers and a light smack on the arm from his husband, "fuck babe, you will never know how your bitchy attitude has turned me on," and his smile wider when he saw Kurt blushing furiously at his words, "that was fifteen years ago for fuck's sake Kurt, even Rachel seems to forget about that one now." Rolled his eyes when Kurt snorted loudly, "fine, maybe she will not forget about that, like _ever_. But hey, don't tell me you guys never think about that when she pull her best diva attitude and don't wanna stop yapping about...whatever the fuck she always talking about, huh?" Rose one of his eyebrow and grinned devilishly when he saw finally his husband nodded in defeat, "but if you so worry about my fashion sense, then I will hand you all the right to my -walk in closet- to do whatever you want and pick my clothes to wear in every single damn morning."

"Wow, you really do love me don't you?" Kurt smiled devilishly at that now, "and...oh you bet I will."

Jesse pursued his lips, "shit, what I've got into."

"A new era darling."

"Darling," Jesse said slowly, "I like how it sounded,"

"God, you're such a sap inside St. James."

"Well, that's one of my evil plan for tonight."

"And what was that?" Kurt rose his perfect artfully eyebrow.

"Mmh, when I think about it, I think you may have a point though, about me screwing something, let me tell you some secret, my intentions are something big and more than some clothes, although I won't deny that it has something related to some designer and nothing more than on what's _inside_ his clothes," Jesse winked as he turned on his heel.

Kurt shook his head, although he can't hide a small smile forming on his face, "asshole."

"You loved asshole, babe." Jesse said again over his shoulder and walked away. He walks over to the conductor and whispers in his ear. He came back and takes Kurt's arm and escorts him to the ballroom, nods to the conductor as the familiar tune fills the ballroom, "Mr. Kurt Hummel-St. James, may I have this dance?" Jesse holding out his arm and bending slightly to bow to him.

And right now, maybe he doesn't feel anything except maybe loneliness. But he was willing to try, he has to...because now, Jesse is the only thing he had.

No way back.

"Yes-yes you may." He said breathlessly as he took his husband's hand in his.

* * *

**-Real life-**

_"Don't settle for a relationship that won't let you be yourself."_

_– Oprah Winfrey-_

_**Two years later...**_

_He finds himself pinned up against a wall by a solid body with a blurry face, the other man's hand buried deep in his now disheveled hair, something inside of him kept telling him that something was wrong, but strangely he doesn't give a fuck. He just enjoys the feel of the other man's lips on his and he can't help but grabbed the man's hips and pulled him flushed against his, moaned when their hard cocks met. Now the stranger lips are pressing kisses along his jaw, teeth grazing several points down to his porcelain neck, pushing into the flesh and he can't help but feel his knees buck at the idea that the man was marking him. He bites down harder before licking over the purple-ish mark before reaching up and taking his lobe between his teeth. "I just want the world to know you're mine," he growled into his ear, the words doing more to him than he should as he nods his head in agreement. He could never be anyone else's as he breathes the other man's name._

_"Always yours...Sebastian."_

His glasz eyes snapped open, blinking rapidly as he gazed up at the ceiling of their penthouse, sitting up in an instant, he cursed as he ran his hands over his face, tired because he had spent so many nights encountering the very same dream, so specific in their details that Kurt could almost swear they were real, wiping the beads of sweat off his forehead, he adjusted his erection to make it hidden under the cover, scared of what his husband might hear something from his dream he snapped his head to another side of the bed, only to find the space that he usually filled to be empty and cold, sighed again as he felt sick in the inside due to the fact that he was a little relieved because he had been woken up alone. He tilted his head a little to look at the rectangle device on Jesse's bedside table and finds out that it was past midnight and frowned, Jesse's cell phone was on the table.

He got out of the bed, opened the door, walk out and closed the door behind him silently, he start to walk, his feet take every single step he took slowly, traveled the long hall. The architecture of their penthouse was exquisite; from the rich tints of the wood to the elegant hues of the walls and the tasteful décor. Beautiful colors and expensive decorations lined the hallways as he walked through them. He put his hands around his waist tightly, shivered. And he would never know that it had happened because how cold the air was or to the fact that their big penthouse always seemed..._cold_.

He made his way to the large doors at the end of the hall and cracked it open to see his husband sitting at his desk, leaning back in his black leather office chair. Jesse dropped his pen and threw them on the dark mahogany desk in front of him. He closed his eyes and brought his hands to his temple, trying to wipe away the tired result of his day.

"Tired?" Kurt asked.

Jesse opened his eyes at the familiar sound and saw; leaning at the doorway was a man only in oversized shirt..._his_ shirt and a pair of socks, had left nothing to imagine and the sight of his husband wrapped up in his clothing hit him straight in the groin, made Jesse's cock twitched in interest. "Hey, what are you doing in there baby? Nightmare?"

Kurt gulped hard at that, "y-yeah." He said slowly, eyes downcast..._guilty_.

"I'm sorry I hadn't been there for you, I need to finish this shit first before Cali on Wednesday." Jesse sighed as he pinched the bridge of his nose, "go back to sleep, I will catch you in a minute."

"Cali?"

Jesse looked up, "um-shit, I haven't told you?" He sighed when Kurt shook his head, "I need to be in California a couple of days for-"

He closed his eyes before took a very deep breath,"Jesse." Kurt cut him off, "you-um- still have two days for this papers, can you-um- finish that thing in the morning and come with me to bed now, because...I-I need you." He said the last words slowly, so slow that almost inaudible for Jesse to hear, shifting his weight and chewing his lower lip nervously, God he felt so awful, it's been two weeks since the first time he had that dreams again.

This had happened before, at nights in their first few months as a newlyweds, a very same dreams about someone that he can't have in his life anymore, an image when he walked away from his life continues to revolve in his minds and months ago he would wake up with tears running from his eyes. He hated himself for that, he really do, because deep inside he knew that his feeling for Sebastian hasn't fully gone, or because he knew for the fact that it would never really gone, it's been two years for fuck's sake and not a day has gone by when he haven't missed that handsome doctor, and at that moment he realized that maybe that's what Sebastian felt when they were in their forbidden relationship, he felt sad, ashamed, angry although he would never be sorry for falling in love with that man from the first place.

He had tried to block that feeling away, like really tried, and it had took him by surprise that the only thing that can wipe that image away was a multiple orgasms from his husband. And out of nowhere it happened again, although the dreams he had now is quite different from the one he had months ago. And because of that it's been two weeks they hadn't had sex, and now they seemed so distant. Although he always blame that thing to their busy schedules, deep down he knew that that's not the real reason, and he felt so dirty because of it.

"...Jesse...please." And he would try anything to block that feeling again.

_Just because he had to._

Jesse let out a breath he did not know he was holding, staring at his husband like he was the most fascinating thing in the world. "Of course." He sighed although he smile warmly at that, "come here." He said again slowly.

Perhaps sitting on his office in the middle of the night to do his fucking papers while watching your loved one leaning on the doorway was something people took for granted, but definitely not him. After waking up on countless mornings to empty bed because his husband always away for work before he woke from his sleep, spent the nights returned home and found his husband had been sleeping soundly just because he's always home by midnight, this will always be something Jesse will treasure.

Kurt smiled as he pushed his body from the doorway and walking toward his table, took his glasses gently before settling them carefully on the table before moved to straddle his husband.

"Hey there husband." Jesse said warmly, wrapped his hands firmly against Kurt's back possessively.

His husband only stared at him with unreadable glint on his eyes before cupped Jesse's face with his hands and stared deeply into his eyes, "I hate you."

Smiled Jesse spoke, "although I don't know why you hate me, because I thought that I've been behaved less dick in a couple of weeks now, but I will say that I'm sorry." He whispered jokingly but Kurt can see that he was serious, fingers running up and down Kurt's tight, made chill runs down Kurt's spine.

Kurt sighed as leaned down kissed the corner of his mouth, "I hate you because you always came so late and so busy..."

_Because you're making me to have some time to think about him._

"...and I hate you because you should have been there when I woke up."

_Because I have to see your face to replace his face from my memory._

"Oh baby, I'm so sorry." Jesse said sincerely, thumb wiping the tears now rolled down his husband's face. "Hey, don't cry, I'm so sorry, okay?" he said again, looks deeply into his husband's glaszed eyes,"I miss you so much."

Kurt shook his head as he punched Jesse's chest lightly, "And the most of all I hate you because you make miss you too."

_At least that wasn't a lie._

He knew that he been so selfish, blaming him for his overload job, waking up to an empty bed was something he had been accustomed to, he knew how Jesse's job has sized all of his time, he really do and honestly that's never been an issue for him before. But not now, now he really need his husband, he doesn't care that he has become a full bitch for having to rely on his husband to erase all the past behind, but he really don't care, because right now, he really needed him, because simply he wants to forget the dreams that haunt his nights, about a man with broad shoulder and a blurry face that had become so vivid and clear, that Kurt would wake up and think it really happened. And Jesse being so far away from him is not helping him at all.

"Listen, I will try to speed up my work there, and after I come back, how about if we take a day off so we can-" and before he could say any further, Kurt leaned in and kissed his husband firmly, taken aback for a second before happily reciprocated. Jesse's tongue soon explored his, and he really enjoyed the way Jesse tasted because it's has been so long since the last time he was so intimate with his husband.

"Okay then, Let's talk about that latter," Jesse whispered, his voice was raspy and rough with lust now. Kurt moaned when after a few moments his lips left Kurt's mouth and started to kiss his way down Kurt's neck, he could practically feel his husband's teeth scrape slightly against his flesh. "Tonight I just want my husband."

"Fuck." Kurt moaned, with reflect bucking his hips so their restricted erections rubbed together. Tilted his head to give his husband a better space as Jesse's mouth worked over his long slender neck and let himself being engulfed by the warmth his husband has given to him, because it's been too long for them, and he just wanted to block all the feeling inside and all the dreams that clinging like a plague inside his heart and brain, and the only thing he can think of was his husband.

"That would be a good idea, don't you think?" Jesse said again huskily as he nipped Kurt's collarbone and bites down harder before licking over the purple-ish mark that began to form on his porcelain skin. Groaned in lust suddenly Jesse lifted his husband up to sit his body on top of his desk. With one swift movement, he swiped the clutter off the surface around the desk without caring about his papers before focusing his attention back on his husband. "God, it's been so long since the last time I bend your body and fuck into your tight asshole in this table,"

"Your lost," Kurt shrugged, "you prefer to be more... intimate with your papers lately." He said again as he wrapped his long legs around Jesse's waist tightly.

Jesse nodded, "indeed. I will smack Kevin's head the moment I saw him, because he has poisoning me with the lure of money and fame that I'm trying to achieve trough all the shit he put on my desk even all of that happens for my husband's pleasure as for this matter is his hobby of...re-arranging his double sized walk in closet with all that designer clothes, I was so blind for some moment till I wasn't aware that the real treasure is right here, in front of my eyes...between my husband's long legs." Jesse said in mock of serious voice, wiggling his eyebrows as his hand traveled up till it rested at Kurt's crotch and stroked his erection from above his briefs lightly.

With that Kurt let a loud laugh out, a real laugh he managed to pull after so long, it was so free and so beautiful it's contagious and it makes Jesse laugh with him, and it took all his willpower to not kiss the man beneath him senseless and not to jump his bones right then and there, "way to blame your assistant, Jesse. God, you are the most full of shit of a man I've ever met, don't you know that? And it called fashion,"

"Uh-huh whatever, but you adore me for that." Jesse said as he leaned down to kissed his husband softly, taking his time to enjoy them as he reached down with his hands to push up his shirt, "I love it when you're waring my shirt."

"I do...I do adore you for that, although I don't know why, but you will love me even more when I didn't ware any, right? " Kurt said warmly as he caressed Jesse's face and reached the back of his neck to pull the other man into his lips for another kiss, Kurt was kissing him hard and forcefully now. Jesse moaned as Kurt fingers were suddenly at Jesse's chest, undoing his buttoned shirt as quickly as possible. Jesse broke the kiss before pulling back slightly to give his husband a better access to his shirt.

"So many clothes, why are you still dressed anyway?!" Kurt snapped, his hand released the grip from Jesse's shirt and started to work the buckle of Jesse's pants with his free hand.

Jesse chuckled, "I was doing my homework, and I think that I don't have any reason to walking around the house naked babe," He quickly tugged at Kurt's shirt, separating their bodies for a few moments to relieve themselves of their shirts and threw the garments to his chair.

Kurt hummed, "fair enough," he whispers, wrapping his arms around Jesse's neck again and stretching up to kiss him firmly on the lips. Jesse moaned when Kurt running his hands up to the bare skin of his back, pulling him closer. They remain that way for a while, soft moans escaping every now and again as the kiss deepens.

Jesse then moved down, laying kisses on every inch of his pale skin as it was exposed before broke the kiss and moved his hand to Kurt's chest, pushing him down so that his back was flat against the desk, let his hands traveled around the porcelain skin he adored so much, making a trail of kisses from his collarbone to his chest, pausing briefly to use his tongue and teeth to worry the nipples into hardened peaks and then turned his attention to its twin, before moving on and swirling the tip of his tongue deep into Kurt's navel, his hands sliding down to Kurt's waist, before he lifted Kurt's hips up off the desk and pulled his briefs off, letting them fall to the floor, he then batted Kurt's hand away from his belt as he undid his own pants, letting them slide down to his feet.

Jesse's hands skimmed across Kurt's body once more before his cool fingers wrapped around the heated flesh of his erection. "Fuck, Jesse." Kurt moan onto the touch, squeezed his eyes shut as he groaned low in his throat.

"You love it don't you baby?" Jesse husked, lowered his head once more and suddenly Kurt felt his cock being engulfed by his husband's wet mouth, his tongue drifting down to trail across Kurt's cock.

Kurt's startled a loud moan at the contact of Jesse's lips and his hands immediately sank into Jesse's soft hair, tightening until its hurt and tugging on them as his husband drew him deeply into the back of his throat. After a few moment Jesse pull his mouth as he moved lower and held Kurt open with both hands, and then his tongue just took over, teasing and licking his entrance, the tip of his warm tongue sliding in and out slowly, lapping at the sensitive flesh before speeding up and slowing down to draw slow circles around it, before begins to turn into hard pushes against his rim just enough to make Kurt's mind went wild.

"Jesse, enough teasing and fuck me already!"

"My, what a dirty mouth you have babe." Jesse smirked as he lift his upper body to groped for the bottle of lube sitting on inside his desk and slicked his fingers, throw it carelessly and slid a finger into Kurt's entrance. Kurt let out a moan at the burn. He moved his finger in and out slowly, stretching his husband. He scissored his fingers, and crooked them a little till he found that spot. Making Kurt buck almost reflexively against him.

" Shit, now Jesse!"

He pulled his fingers out, lifts one of Kurt's legs, reminding him that Kurt still has his socks on as he stroked his erection a few times, slicking the length with the rest of the lube before pressed himself against Kurt's entrance and buried himself to the hilt with one quick thrust.

"Ngh, Jesse!" Kurt groaned and grabbed the edge of the desk and looked up at his husband with lust-darkened eyes. "Harder!" he said breathlessly.

Jesse made a noise halfway between a moan and a growl and thrust into his husband again, setting a fast pace. Kurt wrapped his another leg around Jesse's hips and pulled into him with each thrust, hitting his prostate repeatedly.

"Fuck! Right there!" Kurt cried out.

Jesse moaned and thrust harder into Kurt. _Damn_...it's been too long since the last time he fuck his husband hard like this, and combined with the view in front of him now as his husband writhing and whimpering at his mercy was driving him crazy, he wasn't going to last long at all. He reached his flesh hand up to Kurt's leaking cock and pumped it in time with his thrusts. Kurt's back arched off the desk and he bucked up into Jesse's hand.

"Jesse!" Kurt shouted before spilling himself over his husband's hand and onto his own chest.

"Kurt!"

Jesse let out a strangled moan as he came hard inside of his husband tight hole, shooting wave after wave of cum into him. His body convulsed one last time and he collapsed on top of his husband, panting hard.

"Damn." Jesse said breathlessly, pulled out and then collapsed on top of his husband, resting his face on Kurt's left shoulder. Kurt smiled as he reached his arms around Jesse's toned body, holding him close against his flushed skin.

"Yeah...damn."

They were lying on their bed that night, still fully awake, first time in weeks, shoulders brushed lightly as the warmth from their bodies radiating against each others skins.

"We've been married for the past two years." Jesse's voice filled the room with the dark engulfed them in a comfortable silent.

"Yeah." Kurt answered slowly.

_Two years since the last time he saw him._

"I've been happy. Do you?" Jesse asked again.

_Sometime. In a lucky day when the memory of him was blocked by your presence._

"Yes." Kurt said again softly.

"We've been complement each other."

_Do we?_

"Yes."

"I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

_Maybe._

"Right."

"I love you Kurt."

He stops when he realizes that his husband isn't responding to his last statement.

"Your turn." Jesse said carefully, choosing to ignore his husband lack of response to his last statement.

Kurt turned his body to face his husband, although it was dark but Jesse can tell that he looks into his eyes pointblank. "I-" there was a silence, "I love you too."

_Did he?_

Kurt eyes seemed to glaze over under the dim light, and Jesse swears that he can see a glint of doubt and pain in his husband eyes at the words but it was disappeared as soon as it was showed, so he just smiled, looked at him as he was the most precious thing he have in the whole world.

"Thank you." Jesse whispered, smiling as his thumb brushing his cheek.

_Because that is the only thing he wants and needs to hear._

* * *

**-Destiny-**

_"My heart is, and always will be, yours."_

_– Sense and Sensibility-_

"Really Jesse? This is the second time in this month that you have to go to Cali, I mean can Kevin just go by himself and seal the deal?" Kurt huffed, sitting on the bed with annoyed face as Jesse put his jacket on.

"Baby, we already discussed this thing, Kevin can't handle this one, the kid was nice and cool but his parents were another case, I need to talk to them directly and pull my charm just so they can let their son sign the deal." Jesse reasoned, turned his body when he saw his husband pouted adorably, "beside you have that date with your friends, I'm sure they will be more...comfortable without me in there."

"How can you say something like that, they love you."

Jesse rose one of his eyebrows, "spy, evil scheme, eggs, ring a bell?"

"Alright maybe 'love' would be too strong for a word," Kurt said when Jesse snorted, "alright maybe they hate you a little." Kurt let a giggle out when Jesse only looked at him incredulously.

"Maybe?"

"Aw come on Jess, it's not that bad, they already came to term where they accept you, not as their enemy anymore."

"I know that, but I can't," Jesse sighed when he saw Kurt pursed his lips, "beside you will even notice my presence the moment you get there, you will talk all night long with your friends and maybe Blaine and his husband will be there too."

_Yeah, Kurt thought. Maybe that's the only reason he don't wanna go to Tina's wedding by himself._

* * *

-ksksks-

A warm summer breeze blew, the sun was shining brightly with just a light breeze to keep it from getting too hot, it was a beautiful day for a wedding in Lima. The venue was in a small wooden church with family and friends who sat on the white benches with matching white bouquets of flowers attached to them. The aisle was all covered in flower petals. They were all a nice shade of either light pink or dark red.

It was indeed a very beautiful wedding. Just like the one he had once.

The bride was looked stunning in her makeup. Her hair was twisted up and out of her face, exposing her neck and face. The dress she wore was simple, pure white gown but not less stunning and the smile on her face told all who saw it that it was the happiest day in her life. She was smiling in the whole way in that aisle and at the altar, the groom, Jake had a smile that told a similar story, a handsome lawyer Tina'd met in her early year at college; it was an encouraging smile. Reassurance- That '_We'll be okay and happy - you'll see' _kind of smile.

_He hoped that somehow he had shown that kind of smile on his wedding day two years ago. __If not for the fact that everything was not okay for him, happy yes, but okay? He surely hope so._

Too long had he been in love with him. For the first time in years he'd opened his heart again and he'd completely devoted himself to him and only him. And that shit happens, at the time, agreeing to Jesse's proposal would be a good way to prove to himself that he was finally over Sebastian and has moved on. But apparently over the years passed has proven him wrong...that he wasn't, that was the problem. As hard as he could try to prove it to the world, he knew he would never be able to prove it to his deepest heart.

That was one thing he knew he _couldn't_ do.

He took a very deep breath as he closed his eyes, the memory about that day was too painful for him to remember, he opened his eyes when he felt a hand gave his knee a light squeeze and saw Santana smiling next to him.

"You okay?"

"Yeah."

He _hoped_ that he will be okay.

At the party everyone seems happy, chatting animatedly while changing stories about their lives, the only person who aren't there is Blaine, he thought that he saw that man came late at the wedding though, and he had to turn his head so quickly till you can hear a faint crack from his neck, reason? Because he didn't wanna miss the ceremony even for just a second (that's what he was trying to tell to himself over this few hours only to realize that he was just freaked out to know with whom Blaine came to the wedding), and apparently he was so busy worrying himself and too freaked out to notice that Blaine has flew to Paris for his movie the moment the wedding ceremonial was over. Said that Blaine is a very busy actor now, currently try to finishing his two latest movies and he had to flew from Paris just for the ceremony and back again, they said that he said his deepest apology for his business and will make it up (as for this case is two first class tickets for Tina and his husband to Paris for wedding gift) and dinner for his friends as soon as he finished his movies and back to NYC, he was happy for Blaine, he does. But to his dismay no one mentioned about Blaine's date that day.

Not that he cares, _right?_

* * *

-ksksks-

The wedding ran perfectly, coming home means he could always sleep in his old room, dinner with his family and eat whatever Carole made for him, talking with his dad while watching a boring football game on the TV with Finn was something he always looking for, it was a nice break for him and for the first time in weeks he can slept well.

"Would you stop talking about shit for just one minute before you get choked Berry...I mean Jeez...we barely sit here and you already filled us with your words...did you even need air to breathe?" Santana snapped as Rachel went miles for a minute without need for air to breathe the moment they seated on Breadstick that night, "we agreed to meet here because the need to talk to each other, not to listen you talking non stop, now shut up before I go all Lima Heights on you! We only had this day to meet before we all go back to where and whatever the fuck we need to be and do tomorrow." She took a very deep breath as Rachel looked at her open mouthed and nodded her head in appreciatement when the other cast of the old class of New Directions clapped their hands in amazement, "thank you."

"Oh my God! You are the most-"

"She's a bitch Rachel, live with it, and now shush before she do something much worse than that, she's a girl who keep her promise you know." Kurt piped in as he took a sip of his diet coke.

"Unbelievable." Rachel muttered angrily as she stabbed her salad with her fork and shoved the abused fruit to her mouth, started chewing it but then something happened.

"Can't… breathe…" Rachel managed to say between gagging sounds.

"I thought you don't need air to breathe Berry." Santana said jokingly.

But she didn't reply as she couldn't if she wanted too, then she swallowed hoping to dislodge the piece of apple, but that only made it worse. As Rachel tried to cough again.

"Help." She was making gagging sounds and was grabbing her neck and was turning pink. She realized she couldn't breathe and grabbed her throat with her hands. Her eyes were wide and she was starting to panic as she realized she was choking.

"Rachel!" Kurt said.

"Can't… breathe…" the only thing she managed to say between gagging sounds.

"Oh no she's choking!" Quinn suddenly shouted.

"Do the Hamster, or Hanzel maneuver thing!" Finn suddenly stands up and rushed over to her wife.

"Ham- what? I can't! I'm not a doctor!" Kurt said worriedly, panic started to take control over him.

"Shit, someone help!" Santana shouted, only to face an open mouthed people staring at them numbly.

"Call 911," Mercedes yelled, grabbed her purse to find her cell phone.

"_I can! _Please step aside, and it's Heimlich maneuver by the way." A tall man suddenly appeared as he ran over from his table then rushed over to where Kurt's table was.

"Yeah, I mean that Heim-whatever, just dude help her!" Finn shouted, his face was pale like all the blood has drained from his body.

The man pulled her up to her feet by her hands from the chair she was sitting in before stood behind her, put one fist under her rib cage and put the other hand on top of it. He quickly thrusted inwards and upwards, hoping to dislodge the food from Rachel's windpipe. After a few more thrusts, the piece of apple flew out of Rachel's mouth and the savior set her down on the ground.

"Rach!" yelled Finn as he knelled down beside her.

"He's fine Finn. She just passed out because she was so scared"

"How can you be so sure?" Kurt questioned, it was out more to be a snap than what he intended to.

"Because I took a medical school and had a degree for that so technically I'm a doctor for...let me see...half of my life now, ring a bell? So you can trust me on this. She just passed out," the man rose his eyebrow and smirked when Kurt sent him his best bitch glare.

"You-" Kurt snapped as he rolled his eyes in annoyance, although if you notice carefully a slight smile can be seen on his face.

"Oh my God. You saved her life, thank you man!" Finn said as he hugged the tall man with a crushing bear hug.

"No need, it's my job."

"Sebastian Smythe...I never thought that I will feel so happy to see you in my life! You look good by the way." Santana said suddenly and pulled the gorgeous designer out of his reverie, because damn he looked so fuckingly good after these years.

"Like wise." Sebastian answered softly as his eyes glued to the man standing not so far away from her.

* * *

-ksksks-

"How are you man? It's been what? Two years?" Finn asked trough the blazing music on the background, breaking the uncomfortable silence around the table.

Shruging before he spoke, "fine, yeah- it's been two years." Sebastian said slowly, ducked his head when he feels all the gaze fixed on him, "how are you?" he lifted his head and stared the man in front of him.

Kurt gulped as he glanced at him from across the table. "Fine, thank you." He answered, an unsettling feeling was stirring in the pit of his stomach. Something that most likely wasn't due an amount of martini he'd that night. He had been discretely looking at him for the past fifteen minutes, not being able to resist the urge to avert his eyes from the tall man in front of him. The moment he saw him in that restaurant, all the things that happens on his surrounding was practically forgotten, and the sight of him surely and instantly grabbed his full attention.

"So what are you doing in here anyway?" Santana asked, breaking the gaze between the two men, they've been sitting in a crowded club that she was insisted that the night was too young to ended and they will waste that rare moment if they call it a night as Rachel dragged the handsome doctor to go with them as their honored member for saving her treasured life, at first he refused the invitation of course, until Finn and another members butted in and he can't say another word but yes, much to Kurt dismay...right?

"Just take a few days of for my sister's wedding, I'll go back tomorrow." He said softly and took a sip of his bear, his eyes never leave Kurt's but he broke the gaze sharply when he catch Kurt unconsciously rubbing the band on his finger that glistening slightly under the dim light.

"Ah, this also Tina's wedding day by the way, you hadn't shown up right? I mean Blaine was there, I saw him but you-" Santana added.

"_No_." That's the only answer she got as he cut her words sharply, "I'm gonna go to the restroom, excuse me." Sebastian suddenly stood up and walked away from the table.

"He looked good, don't you think? Damn, look at that ass." Rachel piped in, giggling and sluring a little because she'd drank too much for their liking, but they let her this time after her nearly death experience.

He rolled his eyes at the comment although Rachel was right about that one though, he thought, he hadn't changed much since he last saw him. A perfect CW hair, although it's a little bit longer now, broad shoulders with mesmerizing green eyes despite he can see how sad his eyes now if he can compare it with Sebastian he knew years ago. It's amazing how little a person changes in a course of two years. Kurt was sure that he could easily spot him in a crowd, his handsome features standing out like bright candle light in the dark.

"Really Berry? As if have one gay as a crush wasn't enough? Beside you have a husband for God's sake." Santana rolled her eyes, took Rachel half empty glass and drag the diva to his husband and let him handle a drunken Berry by himself.

"You okay boss?" Santana asked the moment she came to the table.

"This is the second time you asked me that question Tana, it's getting old." Kurt sighed as he took a sip from his glass.

"Okay then, just saying." Santana shook her head, "dammit, Manhands. Look at that, this gonna be a long night the moment she touch that microphone." Santana suddenly yelled, stands up when a drunken Rachel walked to the stage, ready to sing as she was born to do that, she said.

It was fucking hell. To put it truthfully. He never thought that he would be feeling like this, especially after all this time. But seeing him again after those years was just as heart breaking as when he walked away from his life that day. The only difference being was that they are in a crowded club and not in the privacy of his apartment. Two years had gone and he still felt it deep in the pit of his stomach. The rollercoaster feeling just from the sight of him has successfully made his damn heart beating rapidly. He had himself convinced that he was beyond that, that he was over it, over him and the fact that he himself has had a husband for fucking sake for the past two years now was enough to tell the world that he no longer affected him in any way at all.

_But he knew so fucking well that's all a lie._

Kurt sighed as he gathered his stuff, getting ready to leave. "Do you happy?" Kurt jumped slightly when a voice he know so well spoke to him as he took his seat next to suddenly dumbfounded man, the table was empty as all the members were shattered on the dancing floor.

Kurt cleared his throat suddenly feels his throat went dry and the room hotter, "Of course, why wouldn't I be?" He smiled, although it's not quite reach his eyes as he slumped down again on his chair.

"Good," Sebastian nodded slowly, "did he treat you well?" He asked again, pain clearly riding his voice.

"Like a king,"

Sebastian smiled slightly, "It's suits you." He said slowly, playing with the ices in his empty glass, a habit he will do that Kurt knew so damn well when he was nervous, "hey listen, I'm gonna heading back tomorrow, and-" he took a very deep breath before continued, "what I'm saying is, it's glad to see you Kurt, after this years you still looked so fucking beautiful and I-"

"Let's dance."

"What?"

"Let's dance." Kurt said suddenly as he grabbed Sebastian's arm and pulled the man to the dance floor, because that's the only thing he can think of, because honestly he think that he can't bear a minute longer with the man in front of him without grabbing the man shirt and kiss him senseless, it's been too long for him and all the dreams he had nothing to compare to the real solid body in front of him now.

Albeit the loud thud that surrounds them, the couple dance in their own bubble without caring about the world out there, they dance in a slow pace and the taller male spun his partner around and their faces are suddenly inces from one another so close till practically can feel the faint air from each other's breath. What they are doing feel so wrong yet it feels so right. The warmth from their bodies radiating as their breath ghosting each other's lips, the memories, the hurts, the feelings mingled into one as their gazes locked, and then suddenly they close the gap and their lips meet. It was a brief touch of their lips but Sebastian must feel a rush of emotions go through his partners and know that they must stop now before it goes too far.

With great strength Sebastian suddenly pulled away, seemingly being snapped from his dream, and for the first time in years the famous designer felt a vivid pain that wrapped his heart till he can not breathe the moment he see the longing, the sadness, the desire and the regret that the kiss has created in Sebastian's sad eyes. It should never have happened they both know that. "I'm so sorry, " Sebastian whispered with slightly trembling voice, it's a simple words yet it's means so much more than a couple of words for both of them, and they know so damn well for that.

"So am I," Kurt replied in a very soft voice, it's so slow that almost inaudible for Sebastian to hear among the loud music, but he must heard his words because then Sebastian force a smile trough his gritted teeth, eyes full with understanding, regret and what he thought as..._love_.

He didn't realise that he was cryng until Sebastian lifts a hand and gently wipes them away, "goodbye Kurt." He said that words slowly, and in that moment he feels that his heart starts to broke into pieces again with the steps Sebastian takes as he walked away again for the second times in his life.

* * *

-ksksks-

"Are you sure you don't need a doctor babe? I mean-" Jesse said as he sit on the side of their bed. Placing the tympanic ear thermometer in his husband's ear, he waited a few seconds for the beep and sighed when he saw a readout of 102.3 on the dial.

"No. I'm fine, I just need some rest, no doctor." Kurt said stubbornly. It's been a week since he came back from Lima before this fever happens, he constantly in a very bad mood since that day and now his head was spinning and his heart hurts, although he does know what the cause of that one though.

Jesse sighed as he knew so damn well there's nothing he can do to his stubborness, "I need you to take these for me then." As he cupped the back of Kurt's neck with his hand and helped him to sit up a little.

Kurt sighed deeply but obediently opened his mouth and allowed Jesse to place the two small tablets into his mouth. He waited for Jesse to tip the cup of water and swallowed. He then help his husband to lay back once again after having taken the medicine, Jesse gently brushed the sweaty bangs from his forehead. "Get some sleep baby." He whispered as he tucked the blankets up over Kurt's shoulders

"Sing for me Jesse." Kurt mumbled as he closed his eyes.

"Damn, I never thought that I've been married to some spoiled brat like you, I bet that even the Kardashians is less maintenance than you."

"Fuck you, that's what you get when you dare to bend your knee in front of my father, you got your self a-"

"Diva."

"You're the most full of shit of a man I've ever met, don't you know that?"

"Yes, you've told me a couple of times. Now shut up and just close your eyes, what do you want me to sing?" he smiled as he watched his husband start to dozed over and mumbled something sounded like "whatever" before he can hear his cell phone rang.

"I'll be right back." He said softly as he took his cell phone from his pocket and saw his assistant's name on the screen, he sighed as he put the device on his ear and walked out from the room to take the phone. He talked for a couple of minutes before shut the phone off and tossed it carelessly, walked into the bedroom just to face his husband had started moving slightly and mumbling something in his sleep, he sighed before went to the bathroom and wet a washcloth with warm water, he entered the room again before sit next to his husband and wipes Kurt's forehead and neck using the washcloth and continued the motion for the next ten minutes until he felt that the heat had receded before placed it on Kurt's forehead hoping it would help to reduce the fever.

He ran his fingers trough his hair and moved to sit on the sofa not far away from their bed. He would keep a close on his husband to make sure that his temperature didn't spike. If it did, he was determined to take him to the nearest emergency room whether his husband liked it or not, he rather face his bitching rather than to face his helpless husband, he sighed again as he took his guitar and let the sound of the guitar - played by the movement of his fingers relaxed him.

_"My life is brilliant."_ Jesse whispered following the rhythm as his fingers began to move graciously trough the strings.

_"My life is brilliant._

_My love is pure._

_I saw an angel._

_Of that I'm sure._

_He smiled at me on the subway._

_He was with another man._

_But I won't lose no sleep on that,_

_'Cause I've got a plan."_

_"You're beautiful. You're beautiful._

_You're beautiful, it's true._

_I saw your face in a crowded place,_

_And I don't know what to do,_

_'Cause I'll never be with you."_

God, Kurt is so beautiful, looked so young and innocent. His breathing was slow as the medicine start to kicked in, the sheet rose and lowered move slightly with each inhalation and exhalation as he watched every movement in amazement.

_"Yes, he caught my eye,_

_As we walked on by._

_He could see from my face that I was,_

_Fucking high._

_And I don't think that I'll see him again,_

_But we shared a moment that will last 'til the end."_

His usual bright expression was now soft now even in his illness state he looked so angelic and his face was embellished with the beauty of his peaceful form.

_"You're beautiful. You're beautiful._

_You're beautiful, it's true._

_I saw your face in a crowded place,_

_And I don't know what to do,_

_'Cause I'll never be with you."_

_"You're beautiful. You're beautiful._

_You're beautiful, it's true._

_There must be an angel with a smile on his face,_

_When he thought up that I should be with you._

_But it's time to face the truth,_

_I will never be with you."_

He put his guitar down, blinked hard as he tried to hold the tears that threatens to come from his eyes, he never think that it would be easy, he knew that, from the first time Kurt came from the hospital to his office he knew that something will change, and from the first time he came to that apartment he knew that their lives was changing, and when he came back from Lima he should know that something can't really changed, he is an observer for fuck's sake but he guess that love can make someone so smart turned to be moronic in an instant, or maybe it was Kurt's beautiful ass that has blocked his vision, he would never knew.

For the first time in his life, Jesse St. James put his brilliant logic aside to follow his sappy heart, knelt in front of him just so he can prove to the world that he always knew what the best for their lives, for his life, to prove to the world that he with all the thing he had can make the only person he ever loved love him back. Tried to prove to the world huh? Let's try something more simple than that, he tried to prove to himself that he, Jesse St. James can make Kurt Hummel fall in love with him. And over those years he has busted his ass to achieve that one goal.

He will do anything for the man in front of him now, he really do.

But he never knew that love can be so hurtful.

And surely for the fact that even in his unconscious mind from the fever he got, Jesse knew so damn well that it wasn't his name that came out from Kurt's mouth, or for the nights when his husband had his dreams over the years of their marriage, now he knew so fucking well that there's something that even for a person like him can't do.

For once in years Jesse let his tears escaped from his eyes.

* * *

**- Reality -**

_"I refuse to let what happened to me make me bitter. I still completely believe in love and I'm open to anything that will happen to me."_

_– Nicole Kidman-_

The following week came quickly, but something is wrong. He's not sure what, it was the small things but he knows that something is wrong he can tell, The way Jesse's bickering seemed to be just a little bit harsher now, the way Jesse never seemed to smile at him anymore made him realize something was wrong and on the rare occasion that he does, it's forced. He even missed the dirty naughtiness look that sometime made him annoyed to death because it has vanished from his eyes and it's like he's become trapped in his own head.

The more he thought about it. The more he noticed more things that just weren't right.

He tried to remember when everything was normal. Was it after the fever everything changed? How could he not notice that his husband had acted different? He went over everything he did in the past month searching for that one instance when everything changed. Every minute that passed, he was more and more drowned into uncertainty that Jesse has caused in them.

"Jesse."

He turned and suddenly his stomach jumped into his throat. He almost lost her nerve to speak.

"We need to talk." He said, breathing out slowly, trying to calm his racing heart.

Jesse frowned, "can we do that later? I'm busy." He said impatiently.

Well that went right, at least this gave him courage to speak. "What's wrong with you?"

_"Tell me Santana, something happens in Lima isn't it?" Jesse asked the moment he spotted the beautiful Latina in the cafe that noon._

_"Well hi to you too St. James, I'm fine thank you," she said nonchalantly as she rolled her eyes at the outburst, "and what are you talking about? It's Tina's wedding day, of course lots of things happens." Santana answered calmly as she sipped her coffee._

_"Cut the crap, just tell me something, did he meet him?"_

_"Who?" Santana asked again, sighed when she saw the stern gaze Jesse sent to her, "it was accidental meeting, but yes."_

_That's the only thing he needed to hear._

"_Me_? What's wrong with _me_?" Jesse chuckled sarcastically, "The real question should be like what the hell is wrong with _you_?" He said calmly although he hardly paying attention to him.

"Me?" Kurt asked incredulously. "You're the one who barely noticing my existence in the past month, and you said that's me who have a problem?" He snapped as Jesse only looked at him blankly.

_"Dr, someone wants to meet you, he hadn't have appointment but he said that you know him, and he said that it's important,"_

_"Who is it?"_

_"His name is Mr. St. James."_

_"Jesse?" He mumbled under his breath, "send him in." The doctor said questioningly more to himself as he nod to the nurse, put his papers down as he awaits for his guess to show up. "Jesse?" He said the moment Jesse entered his office, a hard frown plastered on his handsome face._

Jesse chuckled as he finally turned his body to face his husband, "do you even noticed my existence from the first time you met me?"

It _stung_. Even though it was Jesse. It still stung.

"What the hell?"

"Do you still in love with _him_ Kurt?"

"Who?"

"You know _who_?"

And when Kurt only stared at him with gaped mouth but with no words, he already knew his answer.

_"Do you still love him?" Jesse asked after a long silence between the two men, it was Wednesday afternoon, and Sebastian had to moved all his appointments to a different hour for the unexpected guess, because honestly it will be bullshit if he said that Jesse's arrival didn't made him intriguited, and he was afraid if he decline this guess it will ruin his concentration for the following day, so now they sat in the cafe not too far from the hospital, coffee in their hands._

_"What?" Sebastian asked incredulously._

_"Just answer me." Jesse said, and Sebastian can see clearly the pain in his voice._

_He sighed before pinched the bridge of his nose, debating with himself whether he need to hold his feeling anymore longer or just go to hell to the world and let Jesse beat the shit out of him, nothing matter for him anymore anyway, "Yes."_

_Jesse nodded, although as much as it pained him to do what about he's going to do, the famous producer knew that he will never win this battle, "take care of him."_

_"What? Jesse-"_

_"Shut up before I change my mind!" Jesse shook his head violently, he always had believed, if things would have worked out, they could have been happy together at some point. At some time they both would have admitted they needed each other more than anything. Now he realized, after two years, it was never meant to be, "I know to whom his heart belongs to."_

_"But he-"_

_"Just- promise me."_

_There's a long moment when the two men only stay in uncomfortable silence and locked another one's stern gazes before the taller of the two spoke, "I promise."_

* * *

**- Last chance -**

_"Laugh as much as you breathe and love as long as you live."_

_- Johnny Depp-_

"What did you say to him?" Kurt barked out the moment the other person in another line picked his phone.

"What?" The other man answered from another line, confused.

"Don't play dumb with me Sebastian! You told him about us did you!" Kurt snapped again, after the outburst Jesse had spoken to him before packed his things and left their house, he's now upset, angry and ready to blow up, because no matter he think that he doesn't have any attachment feeling toward that man, Jesse is his husband, and he really care about him, and as bullshit as it sound knowing that Jesse knew about his feeling toward another man has broke his heart, broke his feeling too.

"No! I don't know what are you talking about, all I know that he's the one who came to me and-" Sebastian gaped, shook his head while he spoke although he knew that Kurt can't see him.

"Bullshit!" Kurt cut him off, "_you_ did this! what do you want, destroying my life? After this years I finally can put my life back, and then you came, just- go away! Please do me a favor, if you see me again, act like you didn't know me and walk away, got it!"

"What's wrong with you? I don't know what the hell are you talking about!" Sebastian yelled back, because he's so confused right now, so many things to digest and the outburst from the man he loved the most made his head spinning. "Listen, can we meet in somewhere and talk about this? We need to talk."

"No! Just go away, don't disturb my happy life with Jesse! Yes Jesse, my husband, Sebastian!"

Sebastian sighed, he just too fucking tired about this shit, he always had believed that it was over for good, but sometimes another part of him always wondered that if things would have worked out between them, a moment when they let their hearts to win, when their defenses would have been down, then maybe they could have been happy together at some point. At some distinct time, both will realized that they meant for each other, that they still loved each other, "do you really happy with him?" Sebastian finally spoke after a long moment of silence, too long till Kurt assumed that he had hang up the phone if not for the fact he can hear his breathing.

_Not as happy as I am if I'm with you._

"Yes!" He said firmly, because that's the only lie he knew.

"Do you even love him?" Sebastian asked again, this time Kurt swore that he can hear a slight sniff from another line.

_Not the way I love you._

"Wha-, what's wrong with you?! And for answer you question, "of course I do!" He don't know why, but he lied harder.

"In your mother's name?!" Sebastian said firmly, because now or never.

_With that he can't say a word._

"I- oh fuck you Sebastian! What do you even care about how I feel?! Please do me a favor! _Just go to hell and leave me alone forever_!".

Before he hung up he swore that he though he heard a faint whisper from another line, "because I'm still in love with you Kurt...and always will."

* * *

-ksksks-

It's had been hours. And he is very tired now, and he was strolling around the park when he noticed the sun was starting to set. He sat down in the bench and stared toward the horizon where a huge golden ball was slowly sinking. He's been walking in the park all day, after he realized that after he hang up the phone, he barely breathe, his heart so hurt till he can't see anything clear anymore, if he thinks that he do the right thing so then why it felt so wrong, in another way around people will always say that it's all wrong, that he, a married man cannot have any feeling toward another man, he should be happy, because fuck! Jesse is a great man, a man that loved him dearly and even if he never tell him anything, he knew just from the eyes Jesse always sent to him that the man will ask him how high if he told him to jump.

But again, this is so complicated, even when he though he had lose his hope because he had lose Blaine, he never feels this kind of feeling, he sighed as he closed his eyes. He felt a soft wind blow trough his hair and past his face. Four hours had passed from when he was sitting on the bench, it's dark now. Kurt sighed, stretch up, stood up and turned to leave the park and face the reality.

"Where have you been?" Someone asked the moment he closed the door behind his back. "why did you not pick your phone?!"

He took a very deep breath, trying to calm his nerves, because one more shit, he's ready to blow up, "walking around the park?" He said trough a gritted teeth. "I left my phone in the room,"

"Did Sebastian called you before?"

Ah great, another shit he has to deal right now, "No! Listen Jesse I don't know what he said about me and him to you but something you should know that it's all over, okay! Now leave me alone!" He kicked off his shoes and chucked his jacket onto the coat rack with unnecessary force, ready to storm away before Jesse stopped him.

"He didn't say anything to me, I don't need him to tell me about something happens between the two of you, the way you speak about him from the first time you met that man, the way you acted around him, your gesture and most of all your eyes tells me everything, and if that wasn't enough, I'm sure that it wasn't my name you call every nights you had those dreams," Jesse said slowly from where he sit on the couch.

He turned his body and stared his husband wide eyes, "what? Y-you knew?"

"Far too long, but I guess I'm just a selfish bastard who wants to keep you for myself, but I realize that there's something that even I can't change about." He shrugged and a pained smiled can be seen.

"Guys!" Santana interrupts.

"What?" Kurt snapped, he sighed as he pinched the bridge of his nose, damn he was tired about this shit to notice that Santana is there too, "okay, whatever Jesse, I don't give a fuck about that anymore okay, whatever it is that happens between me and him was over, now I don't know what are you guys doing in here, but I just can't hang out with okay, I just wanna sleep okay, I'm tired!"

"Baby."

"Listen Jesse, I'm really tired-"

"_Kurt_!"

"_What_?!"

"There's been an accident." And a silence, "a couple blocks away from here,"

"I think that he's on the way here when-" Santana said slowly.

"...when w-what?"

"A car hit his car." She added carefully.

"Wha-Oh My God." He's finding it hard to breathe, like there isn't enough air.

"He's in the ER now."

"Oh my God." He can't do anything beside repeating those words like a mantra. He's forgotten how to do anything as the ache inside his heart mounting, like someone's punching a hole through his chest, pounding over and over again.

"Kurt."

"Oh my God. I'm the one who called him, I was so upset and-and-" Now it's starting to feel like the walls are closing in on him.

"Kurt." Santana's walking over him, try to setting a hand on his shoulder as he backed away. "Kurt breathe."

"It's all my fault." He shook his head violently. "I told him to-"

"Kurt stay with me!" He even didn't notice when Jesse started to walk from across the room and standing beside him, his voice seems so distant.

"Oh my God, Sebastian." He can't really breathe right now, or forming coherent, non-shouted sentences.

"Kurt! Breathe."

"I-I told him to- Oh my God-." His heart rattles against his ribcage, fast and painful as the thought that maybe he can't see Sebastian anymore.

"...Sebastian."

* * *

-ksksks-

They drove in silence, he kept his eyes closed as the tears keep roll from his eyes, a sharp intake from behind his back made the slender male finally lifted his head from where he was leaning against the window only to see two cars on fire and there's two ambulances on either side of it. It had caused a traffic and they'll have to take the long way round. By the time they get there, surgeons already half way trough working on both Sebastian and the other car driver.

"Who are you?" The nurse in the front office asked the moment they arrived.

"I'm-I'm-"

"His husband." Jesse spoke from his left side. The nurse's eyes flickered to him before back to Kurt before she lowered her gaze to one of Kurt's finger and saw the platinum band as Jesse shoved his hand with a matching ring down to his pocket.

"Please." Kurt begged.

"The doctor still working on them, you may sit in there, it'll take a while," The nurse smiled apologetically.

Kurt nodded, "thank you," and took off without second glance.

Time then seems to move in slow motion. As he pacing the empty hall with mixed feeling, tears still roll on his cheeks. He was helpless, afraid. What if he doesn't make it? And those awful words he'd said to him should be the last thing he heard from him.

It's all his fault.

"It's not your fault." Blaine suddenly appeared, made the designers jump slightly, he wonders if he had said his words out loud, the voice in his head screaming and Blaine's voice seems so far away. As if it isn't him he's talking to.

"Blaine."

"He will make it, I know he will." Blaine nodded as Jesse stood from where he sat and pat Blaine's shoulder as he excused himself to grab some coffee, or more to an excuse to give them both time alone "hey, how are you?"

"I-I'm fine, Blaine listen, I-"

"I know." Blaine said slowly seemed in a very deep thought before finally speaking, "We...got divorced."

"W-what?"

"A couple days after your marriage. He told me about everything, and we agreed to ended our marriage-"

With a sharp intake he felt thousand time more worst than ever, "oh my God, I'm so sorry Blaine, I didn't mean to make your marriage ended up like that, it just happened, we don't know what we were doing. I'm so sorry Blaine. I'm so sorry."

"Hey, hey. It's fine." Blaine said warmly as he hugged the slender male tightly, "I knew that our marriage is perfect in the out side, but it's empty inside, we live in our dream Kurt. We hope that we can live our dream, but things never do justice, right? So you don't need to apologize, I knew that in the end that thing will happen, I'm devastated when I found out he was cheated on me, yes. But, I'm happy that has found his love, he deserve it, he's a nice man Kurt."

"But what we have done is wrong, and we tried, I swear we've tried to end everything."

"I know."

"But how? There's no-"

"It's not until a couple months ago we signed our papers, not because we don't want to but my agent won't let us, he said that I needed an image for my career, so we-I mean _I_ and _my agent_ was covering that matter for over a year, not that Sebastian cared anyway, he doesn't care about anything anymore since you got married though, we live our own lives for years Kurt. But that doesn't mean that I don't care about him anymore, care enough to know that deep down he was suffering, that he- " Blaine sighed, "he love you Kurt. I got to see how his heart broke piece by piece when you said your vow, I can see in his eyes that he loves you deathly, he doesn't need to tell me who the guy is, I already knew in the way he looked at you at your birthday party, I understand completely, I don't blame him, you are the most lovable person in the universe Kurt Hummel. It's not hard to love you, it will took only a couple of minutes to know you before we falling in love with you. I know how it feels. I've been there before, remember? Hell. You even managed to make that famous bastard kneeled in front of you and begged for you to be his husband, that means something don't you think?" Blaine spoke warmly as he looked at his ex-boyfriend.

"Blaine."

"Listen, once Jesse came to me and he asked me things and I've heard everything from him, please Kurt, don't live in a lie again, don't do our mistake again, it's enough, you and Jesse don't deserve it, you both deserve to be happy, after all the shit I put on your life, you must be happy, and your happiness is Sebastian and I'll bet my life that Sebastian feel the same."

"But how about you? How about Jesse?"

"I'm fine, I'm happy when I know that Sebastian is happy, and I know that Jesse's happiness is when he can see you happy, we all love you Kurt. For once, stop thinking about other people and go get your own happiness. You have our blessing."

"I-"

The elevator doors suddenly open and a Hispanic woman who seemed to be in her late 30's, had a dark hair and warm brown eyes in surgical scrubs appears. His feet rooted to the floor as he watched the scene between the doctor and some forty something couple in the distant, he wonders if they are another man's family, Blaine told him about the one who hit Sebastian's car, it's a boy; just turned eighteen, spending a whole night partying with his friend before driving his brand new car as his birthday present from dear daddy. And in that time Kurt swore that he heard someone doesn't make it, his heart suddenly trembling with fear that he even know that exist.

"He will make it." It is a statement, meant to calm their nerves. Yet he's not sure if Blaine is quite as convinced as he sounds.

Finally the doctor starts heading over to see the both men standing not too far away from her. He don't know if he's ready to hear what she has to say. They've sat for two hours and prepared himself for the worst but now, now he don't think he could handle it if the words that come out of the doctor's mouth are bad news. As she closes the distance between them, he can feel his heart thumping. He's afraid that at any moment he could get an heart attack.

Finally, the doctor stands before them, his eyes unreadable. "Mr.?"

"Kurt- Kurt Hummel."

The doctor nods, "well Mr. Hummel, I'm doctor. Mendez they've just finished working on Sebastian. He had three broken ribs and a collapsed lung but they've managed to repair it. His left leg was broken in two places but in time it should heal just fine," there's a deep silence, "um- I'm sorry but I need to tell you this, he's in a coma and he have a tube down his throat to help him breathe," the doctor eyes says that she's really feels sorry.

"Tube? C-coma? But he will wake up right?" His voice came as a whisper, it felt like his world had stopped spinning. He thought he was going to faint.

"We can't predict that," She pauses for what seems like an eternity, "it can be an hour, a day or maybe-" she didn't continue as she watched the look on the both man eyes, "but I'm sure he will be alright and I hope it won't take too long for him to wake up, now if there's no other question?"

Just as the doctor is turning away Kurt's voice stops her. "What happens to other man?" The anger flashed to Kurt's face for a brief second but disappears just as quickly.

"He was high on some drugs, mix that with the amount of alcohol he had and it was a very lethal combination, so he didn't make it. Such a waste, he's so young and have a bright future ahead if he know how to use it wisely, I guess we will never know how to value something after its disappears, huh?" The doctor smiled bitterly.

"Yeah its a lethal way to kill someone too," Kurt mumbled and a warm hand squeezed his.

"Is there something else?"

Kurt shook his head.

The doctor smiled before turn on his heel and walked away.

"Mr. Smythe?" Kurt and Blaine turned when a nurse came not long after.

"Um-" Kurt gaped, he turned to face Blaine and back to the nurse.

"I'm sorry, the nurse in the front office said that you're his husband, and I just want to tell you that you can see him for a couple of minutes," the nurse smiled and walked away.

Kurt turned his head abruptly "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to say something like that, I came, and the nurse asked who we are, and suddenly Jesse told the nurse that I'm-I'm Sebastian's husband just so they can let us-"

"Kurt!breathe!"

And Kurt breathed, "it's okay, I understand." Blaine nodded, "go in there."

"B-but you-"

"Go."

"Blaine."

"I said go."

As he walked toward Trauma rooms. The world seems starts to falling apart, he sees him trough the window, paralyzed. He looks so vulnerable. Bruises all over his handsome face, machines beep around his body. An IV dangles from his arm. His tall body lies on the hospital bed, helplessly, looking so detached from the world. He walk forward until he stand at his bedside. He slip his small hand between his. The last time he did that, they were sitting in his apartment and Sebastian told him that they should end that '_thing_'.

"Hey," he whispered. He probably can't hear him but that doesn't matter. "I'm so sorry." He could feel the tears well in his eyes as he spoke. He brought his left hand up to wipe the tears away.

"Sebastian I- God, please Bas. Just wake up and tell me everything will be okay." He sat down in the chair that was next to his bed. He clasped his hands round his left hand and lifted them off the bed. Resting their joined hands on his cheek and let the tears roll from his eyes. "I didn't meant it, all what I've said to you, I'm so sorry, I love you, and I'm always will, goddammit Sebastian, what should I do if-if-"

Blaine and Jesse had been watching from the sidelines, watching as Sebastian lies helplessly before their eyes. And there was nothing they could do.

* * *

-ksksks-

It had been more than seven weeks now and there was no change, Kurt had lost so much weight, there's a black bags under his eyes, he's turns to be more and more paler in every single day passed, tired and worn out, Blaine and Jesse is worried to death, but there's nothing they can do, they had managed to get him away from Sebastian every couple of hours, making him go to just take a shower and to at least eat something. But that was it.

Serena, Sebastian's sister came to visit for a couple of times, no words from his parents though, only a bouquet of flowers in the corner of the room with printed condolence words inside the card. People came and go, but he remained the same, sitting in a very same chair for hours, alerted, always talking to the sleeping body lies in front of him and never lose his chance to holding his hand very single days.

They also knew that he blamed himself for the car crash, even though Blaine had explained the details the best he could from the police's report, the stubborn man refused to believe and continues to apologizing for what he had done, for the last words that he had said. Jesse also knew something that he had yet to tell to his husband. The doctors were not sure that Sebastian would even be able to pull through his condition and would be able to wake up, and if he did wake up, there were only a small number of possibilities. They said that he could be could have serious brain damage, could be paralyzed, and he don't know if the last possibilities is the worse or not, but the doctor also said that there's a possibility that he could wake up with no memories and not remember them at all.

There was still a chance that he wouldn't wake up Kurt knew that. And it was killing him slowly. He couldn't handle if Sebastian gone, because he was sure he will do something bad. No. He has to stop thinking like this. Sebastian would live and he would say his apology and say that his love to him and maybe things will be back to normal.

"Hey, I need to go downstairs for a moment, Blaine will come in a couple more minutes, but I will back as soon as possible okay," he said warmly although he knew that Sebastian can't hear what he said, "just so you know, that I love you okay," he gathered his stuff as Blaine has called him and said that he will come in a minute to take turn and told him to grab something to eat first and take a shower.

Suddenly, he heard something shifted. He turned back, startled. He's awake. His green irises look straight to the ceiling before turn to his surrounding, he looks confused. "Sebastian?" he whispered as he rushed and standing beside him in an instant. He try again, "Sebastian. It's me Kurt." It turn out more like a squeak. "Do you know where you are?"

He about to tell him where he is but he takes a look around once more. After a moment he seems to realize and his head nods slowly before a look of pain crosses his face and he's quick to react. Kurt run to the door and call out a nurse. After a moment that feels like eternity she walks along to Sebastian room, too slowly for his liking and he feels like shouting at her. Telling her that he's in pain and she should walk faster, quicker, to do whatever the fuck she need to do. However, he manage to keep quiet though. Well, barely.

The nurse enters and he stand aside to allow her to see to still confused Sebastian. The nurse explaining to him what happen and how bad his injuries are before said that she need to pull the tube that down in his throat, he nodded as the nurse begins to undid the tape and pulled the tube out, and he cough as hard as he could, his eyes filling with tears and the slender male feel the need to grab something hard just so he can't rush over him and start to yell at the nurse. When it was finally out, it took a moment before he could breathe normally.

After what seems like an eternity, the nurse leaves to call the doctor and he's finally alone with Sebastian. There's so many thing to say, but in that moment he had no idea what to say. All he can do is stand with a tired smile plastered on his worried face. He looked at the man standing on the corner before slowly a warm smile being sent back at him.

He open his mouth to speak, it took him a while before he can form a word and when he can, "I love you too." He whispered with a raspy voice. That is Sebastian's first words, and those three words have changed his whole outlook on life.

* * *

**- Perfect -**

_"So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, you and me, every day…"_

_– Ryan Gosling, The Notebook -_

He had been sitting in that god awfully smelly room for over two and a half months now, he never liked hospital as long as he can remember, those white sterile walls and that all too weird antiseptic smell always made his stomach twist and his head spinning and just bring any bad memories for him, and Sebastian's car crash being an additional for that was not helping at all, in the contrary it's makes everything so much worse.

But not today though, today is a happy day. Maybe he's been over reacting, but it's a very beautiful day today. The sun shown bright, it was high but still it's still early in the day. But not for some guy, a guy who already grinning like an idiot. He walked into Sebastian's hospital room and smiled when he saw him sit on his bed with a book on his hands. He's leaning on the doorway and just silently watched the handsome man reading his book so seriously to even notice his presence, he smiled and try to ignore the hitch in his breath when he realized how much he love the man in front of him.

He must heard his soft sigh because then he tilted his head to the side and his green eyes meet his glaszed ones. The slow smile he gave him had his feeling the flutters in the pit of hiss stomach he was getting used to the more and more time he spent with him. "Hey, what are doing in here so early in the morning?" He said slowly as he took his glasses off and closed the book he read before set them aside. "Blaine went outside to take care all the administration files, they said that I can leave today." He said enthusiastically and Kurt nodded happily, of course he knew that Sebastian will be release from the hospital today, it's why he's in a very good mood after so long drowned in his sorrow.

The times passed quickly, doctor. Mendez has come for the lest check up to say that everything went perfectly, Sebastian's injured has nicely healed after he's awoke due to the time he'd spent in his coma, other that the cast on his leg and a crutches to support him when he walks he's in a good condition. It was pass noon when finally they arrived on Sebastian's apartment, Kurt pushed open the door to the apartment and kept one arm wrapped loosely around his waist just in case he needed any extra support. He moved slowly and seemed so exhausted. Blaine closed the door shut and followed them over to Sebastian's bedroom and put his suitcase down. Santana had been over that day, trying to make things easier for the injured doctor.

"You okay? Need anything else?" Kurt asked the moment he sat Sebastian down on the bed.

"So I'm gonna go to the store to fill your refrigerator and pick up some food, is chinese sounds good? or you need something more-" He said, helping Kurt to put Sebastian in comfortable position.

"I'm fine, okay you guys need to stop treating me like that, I'm injured not a baby, I'm fine." Sebastian chuckled as he settled himself in comfortable position on his comfy bed. "So, just let that refrigerator alone and go home, you need to take a rest Blaine, I'm fine!" He said firmly when Blaine open his mouth to argue, "and you!" He said again as he turned his head to look at the other man, "go home and get some sleep, you are more than enough baby sitting me. I'm ok now."

"I don't want to leave you." He said firmly, and from the determined eyes he sent him, he knew that he's not gonna win this argument. "Blaine, you just go home and let me take care all of the things." He said firmly and Blaine sighed loudly as Santana smirked and nodded in understanding before grabbed and drag the other male to leave the apartment.

He left not long after, after that Kurt cleaned the apartment and go to the store to pick some stuff and something to eat while Sebastian dozed off on his bed, when he's came back he worked on the food before took the meal to Sebastian's bed room, he let out a soft sigh as he quietly sat down at the edge of Sebastian's bed and put the tray on the bedside table, he looked over at the sleeping figure in the bed, Sebastian shifted unconsciously under the covers and a soft whimpered escaped his lips. Kurt flinched as a waves of guilt washed over him. If it wasn't because of him, Sebastian never would have gone after him, never would have got into a car wreck and to end up in the hospital. Another soft whimper escaped the sleeping boy and Kurt finds himself smoothing back Sebastian's hair in an attempt to sooth the man he loved the most. He was doing much better than he had been but he knew that Sebastian was still suffering from a lot of bruises that still caused some discomfort and a bit of a limp whenever he tried to walk.

At the sigh that came from Kurt's mouth Sebastian's eyes slowly opened and he looked confused for a second before he managed to focus on the boy sitting next to him. "Hey, you're back?"

"Yeah, I made some soup, let's eat."

They eat in silence as Sebastian kept stealing glances at him as they ate. For the past four weeks after he woke up from his coma Kurt had been here every day with him, not that he ever leave him in the first place though. He remembered the moment he opened his eyes after his long sleep in that coma, is to see him at his bedside. The handsome face he adore so much, he had never seen Kurt wear so many emotions in his life but not at the time during their togetherness in the hospital, how he can see so much anger he managed to pull at himself at the cause that put him there, his worry and fear about his condition, a relief when the doctor said that he's finally okay and most of all...his love. He wasn't expecting that he would be alive when he saw some car came to his direction in such a speed, he knew that in that moment he's gonna die, and the only thing he can think of in that moment was Kurt, and he definitely wasn't expecting that Kurt would be there for him with after he's woke up, the intense love he feels from another man is radiating and it's impossible for anyone to miss, he's been in his darkest hours in his life, and at some point he's ready to give up, because he feels so tired and so exhausted, but even in his unconscious mind the last thing he remember was a beautiful voice, whispering something that has made his heart warm and finally gave him courage to opened his eyes again. And then there was a story when he finds that he and Jesse has split up, he never knew what the actual cause for that but he'd be damned if he was going to let go of him that now after everything they'd been through and the times they had almost lost each other.

"What?" Kurt asked in a voice that definitely came out a little more breathless than he intended.

"Nothing."

"What do you mean by nothing, you're staring at me Sebastian." Kurt said slowly as he ducked his head, suddenly embarrassed.

"You didn't leave my side for even just a minute, did you? Why?"

"Y-yes. To say that I'm sorry. This entire mess was my fault."

"How in the world is a car crash your fault?"

"I blamed you for everything Sebastian, I shouldn't called you and yelling at you like that, I'm so sorry Bas, because of me that the next time I saw you, you were covered in blood and barely breathing. What if-if you-" he can't finish his words as he shook his head, "None of that thing was your fault. I just can't put myself to see the reality that Jesse had known everything for years, but none of that is your fault, that I'm the one who needs to blame, not you. I'm the one who called your name in my sleeps and imagining that it was you when I- "

"When what?"

"Nothing." Now he blushing hard, damn his big mouth.

"You call my name in your sleep huh?" Sebastian smirked.

He caught the slightly wicked glint that passed over Sebastian's green eyes that made his heart gave a little thud. He had gotten to the point where he just couldn't be with Sebastian and then a time where he imagine how his life would be without Sebastian being a part of it for forever and when now that he's in front of him, alive. He sure as hell he never wanted to find out. "Um- I had dreams, and-"

"Wait, I don't want to hear if that dreams is about me and that stupid car crash, but I definitely want to hear if that dreams about how much you wanted to jump my bones?" He said jokingly and snap his mouth shut when Kurt just blushing harder and turned his head to avoid his eyes. "Oh shit, it is isn't it?"

"Shut up."

Sebastian forced himself to swallow around the lump in his throat as he felt himself grow hard just looking at him, blushing hard as the pink color plastered all over his pale skins. "Hey Kurt, can I- kiss you." he said a little bit huskily. "But if you don't want to, it's okay. I understand."

Kurt stared at Sebastian for a moment before giving into his long strained feeling and leaning forward and kissing the other man, it was a peck at first before he let his desire to take over because the next thing he know he's shuffled closer to Sebastian on the bed until their bodies were pressed flush against each other, slipping his tongue into Sebastian's mouth drawing a moan from him.

Kurt's hands slowly slid up Sebastian's chest, eliciting a shiver from the older man, before slipping around his neck and shoulders, pulling him closer, knees straddling his legs as he crawled his way up his body. Sebastian let out a small grunt as he cursed the clothing that separated them. Lips parted and tongues explored. Sebastian let one of his hands wander down Kurt's back lingering around the bare skin under his shirt and then up to his neck. Kurt lowered himself until his hard on was pressed firmly against the erection straining Sebastian's pants and he was leaning over him before suddenly the short intake of breath at the sudden pressure against his chest had Kurt's eyes opening and immediately flashing concern as he shifted his weight more to the side.

"Oh shit, I'm sorry," he whispered against his lips. He just shook his head and took Kurt's lips in another kiss.

"We need to stop this,"

"Right, I'm sorry. I shouldn't act like that, you're injured-"

"Kurt no. It's not that, I wanted you so badly till it hurt, but I don't want you to feel oblige to do this, you're unstable and I-

"Shut up. Two and a half years is long enough for all the shit we've been trough, and the last thing I want is to you to said something like that to me, I love you so much and it's so stupid that it has took nearly death experience for me to realize that I can't and I don't want to live without you, now shut up because it's been too long for us." He said firmly as he moved his hands to the hem of Sebastian's shirt and carefully lifted his body up enough so he could draw the shirt over his head, just as carefully he eased Sebastian back down. His eyes widened as it's lingered on the bruises that still covered his bare chest. Another reminder of just how close he came to losing him. He tried to shake away the thought of that and the tears that now threatened at the corners of his eyelids.

"Hey, don't. I'm fine okay."

Kurt nodded as he then slid back down from Sebastian's body just enough until he could reach for the bottom of the gray t-shirt he wore as he began to draw it slowly up his own body. He leaned down to place a soft kiss on his lips and then let his mouth start making its way down Sebastian's body, kissing his neck and then trailing down his chest, his tongue stroking over one of his nipples then moved lower until his hands found his jeans. Kurt kept his eyes on him as he unbuttoned them and lowered them along with his boxers down his legs and threw them on the floor. His hands and mouth trailed up his thighs and then higher before let his hand slowly and softly move up and down the length of his erection before drawing him deep into his mouth. Sebastian gritted his teeth at smooth sensation of Kurt's tongue and lips on him. He jerked as his hands moved down and automatically tangled in his soft hair as he pleasured him with his mouth. Only a few short moments later, he tugged at Kurt's hair and pulled him back up to him.

"Can't hold anymore longer," he whispered as he captured Kurt's lips again. Kurt moaned as he felt Sebastian's hands moving over his body. He tugged at his clothes impatiently. "Off," he muttered.

Kurt let out a moan as he broke contact from Sebastian just long enough to shed all of his clothes and Sebastian felt all his blood rush to his groin at the sight of his loved one naked before him. "Fuck, You are so beautiful, I-I love you so much," he whispered huskily, Kurt suddenly felt his cheeks flush, both from passion and pleasure at his words as he straddled him once again, Loving the view in front of Sebastian then lifted his upper body and marks over the pale canvas. Pausing briefly to use his tongue and teeth to worry the pink nipple into hardened peaks, Kurt squeezed his eyes shut as he moan and arch into his touch.

"Um-lube is in the drawer, but I don't know if I ca-"

"Ssh, just stay still and let me do all the job for you." Kurt leaned down to kiss Sebastian before then he pushed his body briefly to groped for the bottle of lube and condoms, slicked his own fingers then slid a finger into his own entrance. Kurt let out a moan at the burn, moved his finger in and out slowly, stretching himself. With the moan that came from Kurt's mouth, Sebastian almost lose his mind right then and there, because damn, Kurt's so beautiful, whimpering and moaning as he tried to fuck himself toward his own fingers.

After a long tortured moment that feels like eternity the slender male finally pulled his fingers out from his entrance as he placed his hands onto Sebastian's chest, aligning his hole onto Sebastian's cock, he slowly lowered himself onto the cock, easing it in just the right angle until it's filling Sebastian's hard cock completely. His groan mixed with his moan as he taking a hold of his own cock and began stroking himself while started to rock against him before raising slightly up and lowering himself again slowly, not too hard that would seriously hurt the injured man under him, Kurt's eyes closed in pure bliss and he shivered, his breath hitching when he felt both of Sebastian hands all over his nipples, squeezing and teasing as he continuing to pump his own cock while following the same slowness of riding Sebastian, he watched as Sebastian bit his bottom lip trying to hold in his own moans. Sebastian gritted his teeth again as he watched every emotion that play over Kurt's face, saw how his pale body flushed and reacted to him. Frustration at the limitation of his body keeping him from flipping Kurt's body over driving him to the edge of sanity.

"I can't-" Kurt breath out, not once slowing his movement.

The doctor's hands finally rested on his lover's hips to help him in the process of the riding of his cock. Sebastian took over the pace, their bodies suddenly coming together even more urgently, harder and faster. He knew he was close to his breaking point as he pulled Kurt's face down to his.

"Come for me baby," Sebastian breathed against Kurt's mouth and as if those words alone were enough he felt himself completely shatter against him as his entire body shuddered and he cried out Sebastian's name. The feel of Kurt's hole tightening and clamping around him triggering his own release and he held his body tightly as they let go together. Several long minutes later as their were still high from their orgasms, their breathing still somewhat heavy and Kurt's half body was still collapsed on the side of his chest. His hand was idly stroking the smooth skin on Kurt's hip while one of his hands was gently rubbing Sebastian's chest, his head burrowed in Sebastian's neck.

"There's a moment when I thought that you would die." Kurt said quietly.

Sebastian sighed softly as he caress Kurt's hair gently, "I've die for years Kurt, the moment you said 'I do' in that altar,"

"Bas. Don't-"

"But because of that I know that hurt means; when my heart screams to tell that I wouldn't be with you again from that day, worry means that I will never be able to see you again forever, acceptance means that you're belongs to other now and reality means that you and I are over for good, but there's also devotion, that it was when my heart keep telling me that my heart never belongs to anyone other than you, so you just keep waiting. But not until the day I saw that car heading to my direction that I know what fear means,"

"And what's that?" Kurt asked as the tears started to roll from his eyes.

"It's a moment when I thought that I would never be able to say I'm sorry for what I've done to you and for at least to see you again to say I love you for the last time,"

"Sebastian." Kurt shook his head as he lifted his body up to cup the other man face with both of his hands. "I love you too."

Sebastian smiled as he leaned forward to kiss man he love, "and not until today that I finally understand what's the meaning of true love, that for me true love is when I feel all the fear, worry, devotion, reality mixed into one and till I honestly can say I love you with all my heart and you gave as much with the words I love you too."

* * *

-ksksks-

_"I heard that you're settled down_

_That you found a girl and you're married now._

_I heard that your dreams came true._

_Guess she gave you things I didn't give to you."_

"I know that I can find you here." The Latina beauty said as she sat on the empty chair next to a slightly drunken man. "Is she joking, because I wonder how you can survive sitting here with that song playing in the background."

_"Old friend, why are you so shy?_

_Ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light."_

_"I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited_

_But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it._

_I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded. That for me it isn't over."_

"Shut or go Satan," The other man grunted when he knew who's his company is, "hey, is he?"

Santana rolled her eyes, "he's okay, never been better, I never seen him smile like that in years," the girl with blue dress chuckled, "I'm sorry I don't mean that way, I mean- shit, yeah he's fine, don't worry."

_"Never mind, I'll find someone like you_

_I wish nothing but the best for you too_

_Don't forget me, I beg_

_I remember you said,_

_"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead,_

_Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead"_

"Good. Now fuck off."

_"You know how the time flies_

_Only yesterday was the time of our lives_

_We were born and raised_

_In a summer haze_

_Bound by the surprise of our glory days"_

"Well damn. There's St. James I knew. Welcome back Benedict. I never seen you like this again since you got smitten with Lady Hummel in your glorious lovebirds days." She said jokingly but he smile told him that she felt sympathize enough for him because she then asked the bartender to give her a glass of Martini. "You really love him do you?"

_"I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited_

_But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it._

_I'd hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded_

_That for me it isn't over."_

_"Do you even know what the meaning of love Santana?"_

_"Never mind, I'll find someone like you_

_I wish nothing but the best for you too_

_Don't forget me, I beg_

_I remember you said,_

_"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead."_

"Well, after everything I've been trough with my ex, my first and only true relationship, love for me means that you don't have to be together as a couple, but knowing that she would be there for me, better or worse would be enough, although sometimes I felt like it's all bullshit, because like it or not that kind of love hurt like shit. Don't you think?"

_"Nothing compares_

_No worries or cares_

_Regrets and mistakes_

_They are memories made._

_Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?"_

"There's a time when I thought that I would never be able to cares someone more than I care myself, but then I met him, and my whole world is changing, I don't know what's the true meaning of that word, but I think for Kurt love means to be with that asshole," he stops as he let a bitterly lough, "as for me love means Kurt, and for that Kurt's happiness is above everything, and I know it's suck but yeah, world suck for a loser."

_"Never mind, I'll find someone like you_

_I wish nothing but the best for you_

_Don't forget me, I beg_

_I remember you said,_

_"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead."_

"Nah, we're not a loser, don't sell yourself that low, never in a million years I thought that I'll say this to you, but you're a great man, Humpty. And he's lucky to see that side of you above your legendary assholness, as I never thought that I will see the day you will truly falling in love and love enough to see the one you loved with another guy. damn, when I put that way, world seems like a bitch huh, I thought that you're a selfish bartard St. James? But just hope that we'll survive huh."

_"Never mind, I'll find someone like you_

_I wish nothing but the best for you too_

_Don't forget me, I beg_

_I remember you said,_

_"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead,_

_Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead."_

Jesse chuckled as he took a sip of his drink, "yeah, so do I."

**-Fin-**

_"There are four questions of value in life… What is sacred? Of what is the spirit made? What is worth living for, and what is worth dying for? The answer to each is the same. Only love."_

_- Johnny Depp-_

* * *

**AN: that's the end guys, hope that you all like it, I'm so sorry if there's so much mistakes in there okay...anyway...this story is only for fun, I just hope that you'll find this amusing and enjoyable to read okay :)**

**As usual reviews are highly appreciated, thank you so much for your reviews, favorite and alerts and all for your awesomeness! Oh check it out I have a new kurtbastian story, hope that you will like it...love you guys...xo**


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